The Cost
by krackensan
Summary: Duo saves a baby from a burning building, but at what cost to himself? Yaoi, 1x2
1. Chapter 1

Kracken

Disclaimer:I don't own them and I don't make any money off of them.  
Warning:Male/male sex, Duo sufferitus, violence, language. 1x2, 3x4, Sally x 5xZechs.

The Cost

Heroes

On his way home from work, Duo Maxwell tried to balance a computer pad full of reports he needed to review, his lunch cooler, the bag of laundry that he had just picked up from the cleaners, and his take out dinner, as he negotiated a cracked sidewalk and a crowd of other people on the street. When his cell phone thrummed in his pocket and played a cute cartoon tune, he was out of hands to answer it. He ended up balancing his dinner on one elbow ,and weaving to keep it there, as he flipped open his cell and stuck it between his shoulder and his ear.

"Maxwell," he bit out irritably.

"Duo, " Heero said in his ear and Duo grinned. He always had time to hear from Heero. It didn't matter that he had just left his fellow agent sorting through a mound of work that he had refused to leave. The man was inhuman when it came to work load stamina.

"What's up, buddy?" Duo asked warmly. Get a clue, he thought. I love you, lust after you, want you in a bad way. We're both legal as of last month, all signed and sealed by the government, so let's have dinner, take off our clothes, and do it until the sun comes up-

"Where did you put that Sanderson file?" Heero asked in an irritated voice, curdling Duo's fantasy in an instant. "Why do you insist on using ridiculous file names?"

"Because that's the way I think," Duo shot back. "It's under taxidermist/mission/steak."

There was a sigh and a pause as keys clicked, then Heero's voice, "May I ask why?"

Duo snickered. "Our guy has a stuffed moose in his house, he used to be a mission target during the war, and he kept me from a steak dinner at Quatre's yesterday."

"If you want me to concede that any of that makes sense, you are sadly mist-" Heero began to growl back, but Duo had stopped listening.

A woman had rounded a corner in a frantic rush and barreled straight into Duo. The cell went flying and cracked on the sidewalk, his dinner slid under the wheels of a passing car, and one of his fumbling and grasping hands just managed to save his computer pad before it followed the cell phone. The woman tangled in the strap of his lunch cooler and they did a mad dance before he was able to grip her shoulder and bring it to a halt. It was then that he saw her panicked face, her trembling lips, and her tear filled eyes.

"My-My baby!" She shrieked as she wrenched out of his hands and broke the strap of his cooler. "You have to save my baby!" When Duo looked blank, she shrieked the same words to the street at large.

Black smoke suddenly billowed from where she had entered the street. Duo knew the place. Ratty tenements, with dubious fire escapes, and access roads so narrow that emergency vehicles couldn't reach them easily. If she had called for help, it was a sure bet that whatever crew was responding would have trouble handed to them in a forklift.

"Floor and number?" Duo shouted at her.

"Three, room thirty-thirty six," she stammered as if she couldn't remember. She looked drunk, Duo thought, seeing her glassy eyes, or on drugs, but it didn't give her a pass for leaving her baby behind in a fire.

Duo scooped up his cell and heard Heero demanding to know what was going on. Glad that it was still working, Duo shouted, "Fire on 10th and Wilson! Send for emergency. I'm going in after a baby."

"Duo... what?" Heero shouted, but Duo was already pocketing his cell and rushing down the narrow road. He had to shove through a throng, standing and staring in shock. He asked, as he made it to the front stairs, "Anyone in there?"

No one seemed to have an answer. Duo hoped not. His entire mission now was to save a baby as he took the steps two at a time and ignored a few calls for him to not be crazy and to come back. That made him grin fiercely as he ignored the idiotic tune of his phone. It was probably Heero calling back.

The smoke was thick and Duo could feel heat all around him. Instinct was tugging at him, wanting him to run and escape, but he throttled it and charged up another flight of stairs. The sprinkler system wasn't working. He groaned inwardly when he found the emergency stairs blocked and locked. If he lived, he was going to fine the owners into the next life.

Ducking into the open door of an apartment, Duo grabbed a blanket and soaked it before he dodged back out with it over his shoulders. Dripping and weighed down, he put one corner over his nose and mouth to cut the smoke and dashed up another flight of stairs. Something high above crashed and Duo heard a woosh and the ominous sound of the fire. The smoke came pouring in as he raced down the narrow third floor and into room thirty six. The baby was screaming in its dirty crib by a television that was still on to some evening broadcast. It was obvious that the mother had been on the couch. A blanket and drug paraphernalia were littering it.

Anger almost burned Duo hotter than the heat of the fire to know that she had been that close and not thought to take her baby in her panic. He choked on smoke as he grabbed the baby and tucked it under his blanket. He was surprised at how strong it was as it squirmed and cried, but that crying turned to pathetic choking sounds as it drew in a lung full of smoke.

Duo was running out of time, if he hadn't already. He sprinted for the door and then bent as low as he could manage to get under the smoke. He had to find the stairs by memory and feel and then almost fell down them when he missed a step. He caught himself, squeezed the baby too tightly as he regained his momentum, and found an entirely new brand of terror when even it's small choking sounds went silent. Had he hurt it? Had the smoke?

The building was made of old wood and masonry. It burned like kindling soaked in fuel. Only a renovated floor above Duo had saved him so far. When it gave way with a crash, it took the floors above it into a flaming cave in that aimed straight for Duo as he reached the first floor.

Duo didn't take more than a second to react. He sent the baby sliding across the floor towards the front door, before the first fiery beam landed on his shoulders and then his back as he was slammed down hard.

Extensive injuries. Burns. Diagnosis; limited recovery potential. Discharged from Preventers. Sign the paperwork. Ward of Quatre Winner. Therapy. Endless therapy. Whispered voices; 'Why does he bother? Doctor already said he won't recover.' Stupid. Stubborn. Crazy. Deal with it. Deal.

Duo glared at his legs as Sally Po sipped iced tea and leaned back in her chair. She was looking at his apartment; one room, a bed, two chairs, and himself in his wheel chair. "Homey," she commented dryly. "Maybe some art on the walls..."

"I've already had the talk," Duo grumbled and ignored the throbbing pain of damaged bones that didn't want to sit any longer. His legs had been broken in so many places that only wire and cement were keeping them together. Four ribs had been replaced by metal ones. A repaired punctured lung still made a strange wheeze when he breathed. A hip protested a replaced joint and the wires and pins that were still keeping that leg attached to the rest of his body. A nurse visited him twice a day and a therapist and a doctor once a day. None of them had bothered hiding the fact that they were expecting him to die and to be unemployed sometime soon. Being blunt about that had probably seemed a way to make Duo wake up and return to the hospital, but it had only made him more determined to get away from them.

"I just wanted to see for myself," Sally replied.

"So that you could sign Quatre's papers and have me committed," he shot back.

"He did ask," she revealed without any attempt at denial. She shrugged. "I don't see enough here to do that, though. You have a stocked refrigerator, a hot plate that you can reach, dishes in the sink that have obviously been used, a bed that looks slept in, and professionals visiting you every day. Doesn't seem the actions of someone who is suicidal."

Duo let out a relieved breath and then winced as he tried to ease a cramp along his side.

"Pain pills aren't working?" Sally asked in concern. "I can change your prescription."

"They work," Duo replied, "but nothing short of death can stop it completely." He picked at his jeans as he added, "I can handle that. The brain gets used to it after awhile and kind of forgets to feel it. It's... not being able to get around like I want to. Once I get better..."

"Should I revise my opinion?" Sally said, though she looked sad. "You know the diagnosis as well as I do, Duo. You are not coming back from this."

Duo's hands clutched his knees and his mouth set in a hard line.

Sally stood and took a long drink from her ice tea as she went to a window and looked out at the city street. She gestured to the street with her glass and began to ask Duo if he had managed to get outside yet, when Duo's cell rang. The tune was dark and disturbing.

Duo tensed, frowned, and then picked the cell phone out of his lap. He checked the number and then answered it.

"Thought you might be Quatre," Duo said and then listened, nodding once or twice. "Jhervis/bluebook/chevy... Kirk/blueberries/Guichi. Got 'em? Good. Yeah, I'm great." He paused, looked uncomfortable, and then said, "No, I don't want you to come yet... uh, thanks for sending over take out for me. That's been nice... I... I'll send you a check to pay you back... no, I'll do it. Okay, bye."

"Who was that?" Sally asked without turning from the window.

"Heero," Duo replied. When she turned and looked shocked, Duo grew angry. "None of you give Heero enough credit. He's not a bad guy."

"But he doesn't get to visit either?" Sally pointed out."Being a recluse is a sign of mental instability."

"You're here, so I guess that doesn't apply to me," Duo retorted as he rolled to the refrigerator with an effort, and then took out a beer. Popping the top, he kept his back to Sally as he drank it.

"That's not a good idea, Duo, "Sally warned. "Drugs and alcohol could-"

"Make me messed up?" Duo wondered acidly. "Guess that explains why I can hardly get out of this goddam chair!"

Sally stiffened, but she didn't back down. "I mean it, Duo. No pills and alcohol or I will sign Quatre's papers."

Duo tossed the beer over his shoulder and Sally caught it awkwardly. It splashed her arm. She grimaced as Duo said, "Whatever."

"Duo," Sally said as she gathered her things and faced him. "You know, and I know, that being on your own, when you require intensive care in a hospital, is not the actions of a man who wants to go on living, but that's not something that will hold up in court. I can only say, that I wish you would reconsider. I wish you could see that there is still a chance for you to live a good life, even with your injuries."

"Doctors are not supposed to give up before the patient," Duo snapped back at her. "You all think that I'm a cripple for life. I don't want people like you taking care of me and trying to convince me of that... because... it isn't true. I'll prove it to you."

Sally swallowed hard as she turned to leave. "I've seen the scans, Duo. They don't lie."

She was gone then and Duo spent a long time glaring at the door, thinking of how he should have replied, but then his body let him know, with a wave of pain that slipped past the drugs, that he had to get out of the chair. Getting onto the bed was hard, but he managed it. Enduring the pain until his body decided to relax into the mattress, was harder.

The cell phone rang again. Duo answered it in exasperation without looking. Heero only called once each day, so it had to be... "Quatre, I'm blocking all your calls from now on-"

"I'm outside your door, and I'm coming in," Heero's voice told him.

"No!" Duo argued, but Heero was already opening the door and stepping inside. For the first time since the accident, he was face to face with Heero Yuy.

He wasn't a tall man, but he was well built and he looked strong and confident in his Preventer uniform, Duo thought, as he looked at Heero's shocked face. That fall of dark, chocolate hair into his deep blue eyes had never ceased to make Duo want to brush it back and seize a kiss. He had waited patiently, being an adult in everything but age, until the government had relented and given them that status. Free at last to do what he pleased, and to love whom he pleased, Duo had planned a slow approach; a few friendly outings, more serious dating, and then, when he was sure that Heero felt the same, a long talk about... But that was over now, taken to the garbage heap by a few minutes of selfless heroics. He had nothing to offer Heero now and he wouldn't turn the man into another nurse.

"Duo," Heero whispered and he sounded angry.

Duo turned his face to the wall, wishing that he could sit up or turn that way. It took a monumental effort to get up, though, and he refused to be forced by the pain into crying in front of Heero."Happy now?" Duo said harshly. "Seems like everyone wants to come stare at me. You just missed Sally getting her eyeful."

"Sally...?" Heero echoed and then looked down at what he held in his hands. "I brought you your medals. They were... gathering dust on your desk."

Duo made a choked sound that tried to be a laugh and failed. "Not my desk anymore, Yuy. I don't have much use for medals. You can give them to charity... they're gold, right, or has the government gotten cheap about that?"

"No... yes, they are gold," Heero stammered and then firmed his voice as he looked around him at the apartment. He put the medals on the small kitchenette counter and then returned to Duo, looking down at him with eyes that were fierce and filled with an emotion that Duo couldn't name. He tried not to look, but those eyes captured him and drew him in.

"Remember that game we played one time with Trowa?" Duo asked. When Heero looked puzzled, he elaborated, "Who's got the biggest scars?" Heero blinked at him and Duo smiled ferally as he said, "Well, I win."

Heero flinched slightly, remembering that he had won the first game. He knew enough about bad injuries because of that not to ask any ridiculous questions. 'Does it hurt?' and 'Is it bad?' were not going to cross his lips. He didn't disappoint, though, when he said, "This place doesn't have adequate equipment to help you recover."

"What do I need?" Duo wondered acidly. "It's not like I can actually do anything. The less furniture, the less I have to get around or take care of. Nurse Bitch makes sure the dishes get done and the groceries get delivered before she changes my tubes and checks all my wiring and grafts, therapist Major Bitch tries to get something to move and makes sure that I don't loose what I can do, and Doctor Asshole keeps telling me lurid tales of blood clots, hemorrhaging, and rejection infections so that I'll go back to the hospital"

Heero looked him over, at the simple velcro clothing and the obvious signs of things taped to his body, braces, and bandages. His eyes flicked to the small bathroom and a low toilet. "How...," he faltered.

"Heh, no one's wondered about that yet, or they didn't think it was polite conversation," Duo snickered nastily. "No, I cannot get to the toilet nine out of ten times, because A, I can't feel it when I have enough drugs deadening my nerves, and B, I can't get over to the toilet in time. So, wanna help change me, Heero... because, you were going to ask if there's was anything you could do for me, right?"

Heero went tight lipped. His jaw worked a moment and then he said, "If you're trying to intimidate me, you will fail."

Duo glared at him and then rubbed stinging tears from his eyes. He kept his hand there, not wanting Heero to see. "Could you get me some water? I hate swallowing pain pills dry."

Heero took a bottled water out of the refrigerator and handed it to Duo. One of Duo's wrists, and several of his fingers on that hand, were crooked and awkward as he positioned the bottle and twisted off the cap. He popped pills and washed them down with the water.

"Why did you come here?" Duo wanted to know after a quiet few moments."It wasn't just the medals, right?"

"No," Heero replied and put his hands into his coat pockets as if he didn't know what to do with them.

"Shit!" Duo snarled and glared at Heero again. "Quatre talked to you."

Heero nodded once and then said, "What he had to say didn't interest me, until he told me how you were living here."

Duo chuckled darkly. "I knew you got it. A man goes his own way and fuck anyone who tries to say different. If I want to keep on trying to get better, that's my business. If I have to escape those assholes who keep talking about job training and minimal mobility exercises, that's my damned business too." He took another swig of water and muttered, "Fuckers... they don't believe. I can't be around people like that."

Heero frowned. "If you want to exceed expectations, then why are you living like this? You don't have anything here that can help in your recovery."

Duo capped the water and then let it slide to the floor. The pain began to slowly subside again and he enjoyed that lessening as he half closed his eyes, willing the drugs to work faster. He hated the side effects, the slight clouding of his thinking and the constant need to sleep, but he knew that he could never take the full brunt of the pain his body was truly in.

"Quatre and the insurance have the money,' Duo explained in a voice gone soft with his growing detachment from his own body. "They want to force me back to the hospital by making this impossible. They don't want me to die, though, so I get the help... just not the equipment."

"I'll need to research this and get some professional opinions," Heero said.

That confused Duo. He didn't understand and could only blink and say, "Huh?"

"I have a rather large bank account from the war, due to doctor J, " Heero explained. "It was originally for buying weapons and repairs, but I think it will be more than enough to finance your recovery."

Duo could hardly wrap his mind around two facts, that Heero was believing that there could be a recovery, when all evidence was to the contrary, and that the man was willing to spend his own cash to make it happen. "Why?" Duo asked dazedly.

Heero gave Duo an irritated look and said, "Who else can decipher your filing system, but you? I need you alive."

Almost, Duo believed it, and anyone else might have the way Hereo had delivered that sentence in his 'mission' tone of voice, but Duo saw grim amusement in Heero's blue eyes for just a moment before Heero flipped out his cell phone and called off of work for the rest of the day. Duo laughed, despite the sharp pain it caused, and felt better than he had since the accident.

TBC

See my profile for my website, ML, and my yaoi book, the Angel Within 


	2. Pinata

Kracken

Disclaimer:I don't own them and I don't make any money off of them.  
Warning:Male/male sex, Duo sufferitus, violence, language. 1x2, 3x4, Sally x 5xZechs.

The Cost

Pinata

Quatre winner leaned on Heero's desk and slammed a fist down on the paperwork there angrily. Heero looked up slowly into the blonde's piercing blue eyes and didn't let his hair trigger responses try to defend him. The man before him looked young still, even in his three piece suit, and he still had the face of a choirboy, but this man before him had killed a great many people during the war and he wasn't to be taken lightly.

"Why?" Quatre demanded.

Heero took a deep breath and then replied simply, "Because he needed help and he's never been one to ask for it... not from anyone."

"I wanted him to go back to the hospital!" Quatre shot back. "I wanted him to see how impossible his expectations were for his recovery. You're only making-"

"It possible for him to live more comfortably," Heero cut in. "He was in pain, Quatre, and almost helpless. You were expecting him to give in and to do as you wished. He was ready to die rather than go back to the hospital. You weren't going to win your battle."

"It's... It's not a battle," Quatre said as he slumped into a chair and put his head in his hands. "Don't you think that I want him to be right? Don't you think that I want Duo Maxwell to walk... to be an agent again... to..."

"He wants that as well, but I don't think he aspires to that much," Heero replied. "He simply wants to be independent. He doesn't want to rely on others to take care of him. If he can manage that, I think that he will learn to accept his... limitations."

Quatre sighed and looked up at him in relief, "Then you haven't lost your mind? I thought that you were falling for Maxwell's dream."

Heero frowned darkly. "I've been in situations where I wasn't expected to live, Quatre. I managed it, though. Duo can reach for whatever goal he pleases."

"Even if it kills him!" Quatre exploded, angry again.

"A man's life is his own, to keep or throw away as he wishes," Wu Fei said as he dumped more paperwork onto Heero's desk. He looked crisp and neat in his Preventer uniform, the gun at his side worn from constant use "We've all tried to reason with Maxwell, Quatre," he continued. "He is immovable in his decision."

Quatre snarled at them both as he stood up, fists clenched. "Duo is strung together by bolts, wires, and bio skin! He will never fully recover from those injuries, despite every dollar that I have poured into his treatment."

"He saved a baby and turned a young girl's life around because of his selfless act," Wu Fei replied calmly. "For some men, that would be an honorable sacrifice."

"Does he think so?" Quatre demanded. "That's not what he's said to me."

Heero replied, as he stacked his paperwork carefully, "Duo has been very bitter. He says things that aren't true because of it. I know... under the anger... he does think it was worth what he paid."

"Suddenly you're his friend?" Quatre slammed his fists onto Heero's desk again. "I've been with him since the war, Heero. We've been close. You've never even made a phone call on his birthday, as far as I know."

"Does he have one?" Heero asked, puzzled, and Quatre wasn't sure whether he was mocking him or not. "We've worked together. I do know him." Heero shrugged a shoulder. "I've considered us to be friends." There was a small blush just discernable on his cheeks as he remembered the times that Duo had whispered things under his breath, things that he thought that Heero hadn't heard, things that had let Heero know that he had been waiting for the right time to approach him. Heero had been waiting for that time, until the accident had happened.

"You aren't qualified to take care of him!" Quatre shouted, attacking from a different quarter. "You can't make competent decisions on what type of care or equipment he needs."

"I've talked to his physicians and therapists," Heero replied.

"And you fired all of them!" Quatre raged.

Heero nodded. "You didn't see... The nurse was cold and indifferent. The therapist made him... she didn't clean him up afterward... I helped Duo after she left." Heero's eyes looked haunted for a moment and then he focused on Qautre like a laser beam of intensity. "The doctor showed no interest in correcting the situation, so I've helped Duo hire a different staff."

"Who don't know his history?" Quatre was pale now. "He could die from their ignorance, Heero."

Wu Fei glared and confronted Quatre. "My friend," he said tightly. "I know that you are very concerned for Duo, but it blinds you. You are too willing to listen to experts instead of what Duo is telling you. If he is in danger, it is from your guilt."

Quatre sucked in air and then turned away from them. "I'm not-"

"You couldn't make him whole again," Wu Fei persisted, his dark eyes concerned. "Everything that you have... wasn't enough. You'd rather believe that he failed rather than that you failed him."

Quatre rubbed at his eyes. "When I first saw him, I ran and threw up. I couldn't face him again for days. I wanted my friend back... more than anything."

"You still have him," Wu Fei stepped forward to grip Quatre's elbow, "but you can't make him do as you wish... You can't make him live for you."

"You're too... close... too emotional about this," Heero suddenly cut in. "He needs a firm, steady presence."

"You," Quatre guessed and chuckled darkly. "I don't understand... what he sees in you that makes him think you're a friend... or how you can think that professional, callous, relationship you've been carrying on with him constitutes friendship...but... I don't know what to do any longer." His voice trembled on the last part.

"Let Duo do as he wishes," Wu Fei told him sternly, "and be there when he needs you."

Quatre looked back at Heero. "I wasn't there... you were." He walked away then and Heero sighed.

Wu Fei stood quietly for a few moments and then asked, "Why? Why did you go there and help him?"

"I could hear him dying... on the phone... when I called," Heero replied. "I remembered then how he would never ask anyone for help."

"Is it only duty then?" Wu Fei wondered, dark brow arched curiously.

Heero thought about that, but he was remembering the many times that he had been with Duo and how they had always seemed to be two halves of a whole."No, not just duty."

Wu Fei nodded solemnly and then left Heero to his thoughts.

Heero changed his clothes before leaving work, later that day. In comfortable jeans and a tshirt, he made the walk to Duo's, stopping now and again, to pick up things for him to read, food that might tempt his non-existent appetite, and a bouquet of flowers. He hesitated at the last, thinking about implications, but then growled at himself and made the purchase.

Duo's apartment was much different from his last visit. It had a state of the art bed, handholds and rails to help him move around more easily, and a wheelchair that could lift him up so that he could move more easily from it to the bed. In the next apartment, ready to answer a call button, was Duo's new nurse, a good natured woman that looked strong enough and even tempered enough to be on the front line of a battle force. She was proof against Duo's sarcastic humor and bad temper, but not unsympathetic to his condition.

Duo was in his wheelchair, slumped to one side and rubbing a knee. A remote unlocked the front door for Heero and he didn't say anything as Heero entered and put the flowers in a glass of water.

"You've been reading again," Duo accused as he finally eyed the flowers that Heero placed near the bed. "They do that at the hospital, you know? Plants give the patient a sense of well being... and all that crap." He grunted and rubbed his knee again. "They're kind of nice, though. I guess they can stay."

"You've been... depressed," Heero hedged as he placed his other things on a new table.

"More than usual, yeah," Duo admitted. "These damned pills. The doc upped the dosage again. They have... side effects."

"You're pushing too hard," Heero warned him. "You've been given a schedule of exercises and goals. Stop trying to surpass them."

"I could almost hear the doc laughing when he made it up," Duo sneered. "He doesn't think I'm going to meet any of those goals."

Heero didn't reply. Duo glared at him and demanded, "What happened to my cheering section?"

"It's not necessary for anyone to believe, except for you," Heero replied as he sat down in one of the chairs.

"Ah," Duo said and then wheeled his chair towards the window. He shoved the curtain aside and looked out, sunshine streaming down around him. He blinked against it. "Did you stop believing , when you had to clean me up after...?"

"No," Heero replied, "but, I don't know what you are capable of, Duo. You have to show me what's possible."

Duo smiled grimly. "So, you're just my... what? What are you, Heero Yuy?"

Heero thought about what Quatre had said, about his doubts, about... "I'm here when you need me. Do I need a title?"

Duo chuckled and turned his chair around with an effort. "Stick around long enough, and I might find one for you."

"It didn't go well," Heero guessed as he put the groceries into the refrigerator.

"Not that I believe that doctor's bullshit..." Duo groused as he stared out of the window at the warm day beyond. "I think I did better on his mobility test. He doesn't. Matter of perception. How would a guy, who has a hundred other patients, remember what I was like a week ago, anyway?"

"Charts," Heero replied as he closed the refrigerator door and moved to stand behind Duo.

"You can allow me a little.. delusion... okay?" Duo shot back and his voice wasn't completely steady.

Heero felt a moment of tenderness and it surprised him. He couldn't remember feeling it for anyone else before. It kept him silent and thoughtful as he explored it and studied the man he was growing more and more attracted to. Despite Duo's broken state, and despite the daily trials of helping with his care, it was Duo's spirit, and his boundless strength, that was turning Heero's sense of duty towards a friend and a fellow agent, into something much more. He kept that growing feeling checked, though, and under control. Duo, he was certain, wasn't ready for it and would probably consider it only pity.

"Has the nurse been in this afternoon?" Heero asked as he looked down at the top of Duo's hair.

"Don't smell anything, do you?" Duo wondered, sounding embarrassed.

"No," Heero replied. In his favorite loose pants, and a wrinkled, over large shirt, it was hard to tell, from day to day, if Duo had been physically tended to.

"Good," Duo said as he leaned closer to the window and watched a woman walking a dog. "Ms. Pink Shoes is out again. I think she's trying to hook up with Jogging Guy."

"Duo?" Heero persisted.

Duo frowned. "Yeah, yeah, she was in and gave me her patented wash n' shine." He nodded at the window. "See, told ya. There's Jogging Guy. Ms Pink Shoes just turned so that he sees her."

"Therapist?" Heero wondered.

"Called off sick," Duo grumbled. "How's a guy supposed to get healthy when they can't stay healthy enough to do their job?"

"Did you take your pain meds?" Heero asked.

Duo looked up at him. "Yes, Mr. Interrogator. Do you wants the plans to my Gundam next... or the recipe for my killer ham sandwich?"

Heero's eyes flicked towards the window, running possible scenarios in his head as to the possible outcome of his next decision. It could go wrong or right in so many ways, he decided, but it was worth the risk. "Would you like to go outside, Duo?"

Duo's eyes widened a little and then he brushed his hand along an arm bound by a brace and pins. There was a hint of fear there, the fear that there would be even more pain, or worse, more damage if something should happen. "I don't..." He licked dry lips, and then his expression firmed. "Yeah, thanks. Let's go. I'm beginning to feel like a freakin' mushroom in here."

It wasn't simple. Duo had to be worked into a coat, an oxygen tank had to be attached to the chair in case his damaged lung became irritated by outside conditions, and Heero had to pad his damaged limbs as best he could against any bumps. Lastly, Heero held out a mask. Duo put it on reluctantly and then frowned, his pride almost making him change his mind. The draw of fresh air and sunshine was stronger, though.

"Let's get going," Duo urged.

Heero smiled and pushed Duo to the door. When he opened it, he found Duo's nurse raising a hand to open it herself. Her eyes widened in alarm when she realized their intent. "Oh, no! What are you doing, Mr. Yuy? The germs, the pollen, the smog! Any undue strain will harm him, sir. You mustn't take him outside."

"My decision," Duo told her firmly. "So, if I die out there, nobody's blaming him, okay?"

"Die?" The nurse's eyes grew large. "What are you planning, sir? You can't mean to undue all of your healing?"

"No," Duo snapped back. "I'm not stupid. Heero, here, will make sure even crashing shuttles and runaway transit trains make way for me. He won't let anything happen to me."

"He's right," Heero interjected. "Nothing will disturb him."

The nurse put a hand to her mouth in horror as Heero rolled Duo past her and into the elevator. When the elevator started down, Duo clutched at his stomach and looked green. He chuckled weakly. "Not used to moving around that much, I guess."

"Promise me," Heero said, worried now, "that you will tell me when you need to go back inside."

"Need? What's my yardstick for that?" Duo looked angry and then he made an effort to wrestle it under control as he replied tightly, "I'm in agony, I feel like I'm gonna throw up, and my lung is already hating this elevator. Will any of it kill me? Probably not. I'll let you know when I think it is, okay?"

Heero tightened his hands on the wheelchair, ready to protest, but then, didn't. He reminded himself that he couldn't force Duo to live or do anything that was wise. The man made his own decisions.

"You aren't about to knock me out and take me back upstair, are you?" Duo wondered and looked up with his purple eyes. They looked bone weary already, but weary with confinement and the prospect of being taken back to it again.

"No," Heero replied and hoped that he wouldn't regret it.

Duo sighed in relief and that sigh wheezed from his bad lung.

Once outside, they were given curious, almost horrified looks by people walking by. Duo turned his face up to the sun and watched the leaves rustling in a light breeze. His expression of contentment was only marred by his grimaces and winces as Heero maneuvered him along a sidewalk towards a park. The sidewalk was cracked and bumpy.

Heero saw Ms. Pink Shoes talking to Jogging Man, her golden retriever panting beside her. She did indeed have pink tennis shoes on and he was wearing a jogging outfit. The dog saw Duo and took off towards them, ignoring the calls of his mistress.

Duo saw a dog coming to play and be petted and reached out a hand. Heero saw disaster. "No!" he shouted.

The dog crouched, tail between it's legs, terrified.

"Good going, Heero," Duo grumbled as he lowered his hand and the woman came forward to snap a leash on the dog. She began to shout angrily at them and then cut that off when she realized how extensively Duo was injured.

"I-I'm sorry," she stammered. "Jolly really is a dear."

"It's okay," Duo called back.

"No it wasn't," Heero ground under his breath as the woman led the dog away.

Duo shot back sarcastically, "Maybe you should go into Preventer dog training? How to scare the balls off your dog in one easy lesson, by Heero Yuy."

Heero didn't reply. He knew that he didn't have to explain his actions.

"Maybe we should go back?" Duo continued. "A bee might attack me next."

"I'm not a mind reader, or a psychologist," Heero replied and crouched down in front of Duo, staring into his eyes. "Talk to me in a way that I can understand."

Duo stared back, looking uncomfortable and then contrite. "Sorry," he said, looking down at his bent hands. "I was looking for some 'normal'. That kind of ruined it."

"I can't give you that," Heero replied. He reached out and put a hand over Duo's, feeling the chill there. "As much as I would like to."

Duo nodded and blinked rapidly for a moment before he firmed his chin and said, "You know you gotta ignore me, right? I am an asshole at the best of times."

Heero studied him and then straightened. "Should we still go to the park?"

"No," Duo shook his head and picked at his coat. "It's getting hard to breathe... and it hurts."

Which was fueling his frustration, knowing that he couldn't go even that short distance.

"We'll try again, after your therapy day after next," Heero promised.

"Not tomorrow?" Duo asked wistfully as Heero turned the chair and began taking Duo back.

"I have a case," Heero explained and felt a frustration of his own.

"Don't give up your life for me," Duo warned as he pulled his coat around him and hunkered down into it.

Heero thought about that, knowing all of Duo's doubts that were fueling that statement. "That's my decision," he replied and Duo looked startled. He smiled behind his mask in the next moment and then set himself to endure the short journey back to his room.

TBC 


	3. Not There

Kracken

Disclaimer:I don't own them and I don't make any money off of them.  
Warning:Male/male sex, Duo sufferitus, violence, language. 1x2, 3x4, Sally x 5xZechs.

The Cost

Not There

"Why wasn't I called?" Heero demanded as he turned his eyes from Duo's bed, covered in blood, to the nurse. She was pale, her hands raised almost defensively as she tried to calm him.

"I tried, Mr. Yuy, but you were out most of the day. I did leave a message with your secretary."

Heero glared. "I don't have a secretary."

The nurse went wide eyed. "A Ms. Hanover, sir. She told me that she would leave a note for you."

Heero growled, "She's another agent. The note is probably on my work desk, which I rarely visit." He scribbled his cell number onto a business card and handed it to her. "That's my personal line. Next time, call it, and keep calling, until I answer it. Now, tell me which hospital Duo was taken to."

"Mercy Hospital, East side," she replied as she clasped the card. "He is under the best care, Mr. Yuy, as I've already told you, and not in any danger. I called as soon as I found him, unconscious and bleeding."

Heero wiped a hand over his face and then strode for the door. "He over dosed on his pain meds and started removing his pins before he passed out. I don't think that I would call that nothing to worry about."

The trip to the hospital was a long one. Heero cursed traffic and road construction. He imagined Duo's ambulance running into the same obstacles and wondered, with a gut wrenching sickness in the pit of his stomach, if he had come close to losing Duo.

Heero pulled out his cell phone.

"Une," his commander answered promptly, but with an air of a busy person being bothered.

"Yuy here," he said without preamble. "I'm quit my position with Preventers, effective immediately."

Une spluttered, but Heero was already turning off the connection. Duo had needed him and he had been working a case. That wasn't going to happen again.

When Heero reached the hospital at last, it was all he could do to not crush the computer the admittance nurse was busily punching lengthy codes into. The clock behind her ticked the seconds, and then the minutes, as Heero was made to wade through an id check, a retina scan, and forms that had to be filled out and entered properly. Only then was he allowed to see Duo's doctor.

"Is he awake?" Heero demanded as they stood in the hall leading to Duo's room.

"He's stable and lucid," the doctor replied, but then continued, "As Duo's medical advocate, I'll need your signature on his admittance into a mental health facility." He motioned towards an office. "If you please... This shouldn't be discussed out in the hallway, sir."

Heero stood his ground. "You're committing him?"

"His attempted suicide warrants it," the doctor replied in a tone of voice that suggested that Heero was being dense.

Heero's jaw worked angrily and then he said, "He wasn't trying to commit suicide. He was in pain and his medication wasn't working properly. Under their influence, he must have tried to remove the things he imagined were hurting him; the pins."

"You were there?" the Doctor questioned, knowing full well that Heero hadn't been.

Heero snarled back, "We are both Gundam pilots and highly trained, Doctor. If Duo had wanted to kill himself, he wouldn't have done it so painfully or slowly. We both know a hundred ways to do it quickly and cleanly."

The doctor looked alarmed. He swallowed hard and then replied, "I've seen suicides kill themselves in very horrific ways, Mr. Yuy. It springs from self loathing. Mr. Maxwell has displayed that state of mind on many of my visits."

"I want to see him, now," Heero insisted. "I won't sign any papers until I've evaluated him myself."

The doctor agreed, as if it were only a formality and a given that Heero would come to the same conclusion as himself. He waited outside of Duo's hospital room in the belief that Heero would sign the papers as soon as his visit was concluded.

Heero entered Duo's room quietly and closed the door firmly behind him to give them privacy. When Duo's bruised eyes swivelled to him from where he lay in his bed, Heero saw shame there, and embarrassment, but not the expression of a man in the throes of deep depression.

Heero didn't ask how Duo was feeling. He didn't ask foolish questions. Instead, he stood beside the bed and waited for Duo to speak. Duo fretted with the blankets a moment and then fiddled with the snaking line of an IV, before he muttered, as if to the thin tube of plastic, "When you're there... I don't think about the pain," he admitted. "You keep my mind off of it. When I'm alone, all I do is think how damned much it hurts... and it hurt a lot worse today. I just... wanted it to stop. The pins... I don't know what the hell happened there."

"You weren't thinking clearly," Heero told him. "Have they adjusted your medication?"

Duo nodded. "It's strong stuff. My body feels like it's not there."

"Duo, you won't take them forever," Heero told him. His fingers traced the IV line until they met Duo's hand. He let them rest there, giving weight to his words. "Don't let the pain get so bad, because you don't like how the drugs make you... feel."

"Feel?" Duo grunted. "Lose control of everything's more like it. I... I really hate that."

"You allowed the pain to overwhelm you and then you attempted to make it stop?" Heero guessed.

"Yeah," Duo sighed. He turned his hand over and clasped Heero's hand.

Heero's eyes moved down Duo's body to where the pins were in his legs. Duo shifted the blankets off. He was only wearing a brief hospital gown and his legs were bare, both of them wrapped from hip to ankle in braces and bandages, peppered with metal pins.

"I didn't actually manage to get any of them out," Duo told him. "I just bled... a lot."

"They want to commit you to a mental institution," Heero replied as he pulled the blanket back over Duo's legs. "They want me to sign the papers."

Duo's face went angry and then resigned. "It doesn't look good, so I wouldn't blame you. I'd hate you , though."

"I know that." Heero brought his other hand up and stroked the back of Duo's hand."I have an alternative, though."

"Straight jacket?" Duo snorted. "Bed Restraints? Twenty four hour nurse?"

"Yes," Heero replied.

Duo started. "Yes to which?"

"Twenty four hour nurse," Heero replied and then smiled tightly as he clarified, "Or twenty four hour friend. I resigned from my position with Preventers. I want to be involved with your recovery and my job was interfering."

Duo's mouth was open in astonishment. His concern was instant. "You can't do that, Heero! I told you, don't stop your life for me. I'm not worth-"

Heero's hand tightened on Duo's hand enough to hurt and he said distinctly, "You will not finish that sentence. I've made my decision. It's final."

Duo swallowed hard. "Okay," he said in a small voice and then relaxed into the bed and smiled. "I've never had a roommate before. I warn you. I snore."

Heero smiled back. "So do I."

Duo laughed and then he cried.

"I want you to leave, just for an hour, until my therapy is over with" Duo insisted as he managed to get his wheelchair to the refrigerator. He opened it and rummaged inside.

Heero frowned and crossed his arms over his chest from where he sat on his bed. It was trucked into one corner, furthest away from Duo, so that he wouldn't disturb Duo's often uneasy sleep.

"Is it worse than having to help you in the bathroom?" Heero asked pointedly. "Is it worse than cleaning you up after your pills have made you throw up? Is it worse than listening to you-"

"Yes," Duo grunted back. "Can I keep some of my damned dignity?"

"I can help," Heero argued. "I was trained extensively to understand the tolerances of my body and how to work to exceed them. I might know things the therapist doesn't."

"Listen to your ego!" Duo growled. He wheeled backwards, closed the refrigerator door, and turned with a grimace of pain with a drink can in his lap. An infection and another surgery had his leg out stiffly and wrapped securely in a brace. That set back had made his mood very dark, but Heero's presence over the last few weeks, encouraging him and eliminating his loneliness, had made that mood short lived. Though they often argued and became irritated, as they grew used to each other's habits and routines, neither of them could deny that they were both glad that the decision for Heero to move in had been made. Duo's insistence that Heero absent himself from both therapy and medical checkup, was a severe bone of contention between them, though, and something that Duo had refused to reconsider.

Heero rose from the bed and went to Duo's side. He bent and looked deeply into Duo's eyes as he touched Duo's hand. Duo looked up reluctantly and swallowed. "I want you to understand," Heero told him, "that I know what it's like to suffer through a recovery. I know the pain. I've cried trying to move healing bone and muscle, and hated how long it took me to heal. I won't judge you, Duo, or think any less of you. I've told you this before."

Duo looked stubborn. "And what I want is still the same. I don't want you to see me... go through that. It's really... not... good."

Heero ran his eyes over Duo's body, almost possessively, and then he looked into Duo's eyes again. "I know that I can help you and I won't let you deny yourself that help any longer."

Duo grabbed a bit of Heero's shirt as if he wished that he could shake him. His healing fingers were not in any shape for it, though. "If you're not going to respect what I want- "

Heero stopped Duo's words with a kiss. Duo's eyes flew wide and he gasped as Heero broke it abruptly. "I respect you," Heero told him, "but I won't let you make a very bad decision because you are embarrassed. I care too much about you."

Duo wiped a hand over his face and then sighed shakily. "Nobody can accuse you of being shallow, Heero. Anybody else would have bugged out by now."

"And this won't make me go either," Heero assured him.

Duo took a few deep breaths, as if he needed to keep his emotions in check, and then he touched a finger to his lips. "Can you... that was kind of nice... and maybe you won't want to do it again... after."

Heero smiled and bent to kiss Duo again. The knock on the door disturbed them and he pulled back reluctantly.

Duo wheeled to the bed with a frown, saying briskly, "Well, if you're staying, make yourself useful, open the damned door and let her in."

The therapist had a bag of equipment. She looked strong and capable, blonde hair pulled back in a tight braid and eyes blue and steely. She wore a tank top, her arms bare and showing hard muscle. She gave Heero a once over when he opened the door and then swept past him to appraise Duo.

"How are we today, Mr. Maxwell?" she asked as she put her bag down on the floor, did a few stretches, and then approached his chair.

"I'm not older than you, so can the 'Mr.' for the thousandth time, Doro" Duo growled. "Duo's fine... and lousy, as usual."

She grunted in reply as she slipped on gloves and helped Duo onto the bed. It was already covered with a stiff, cushioned, mat. Dressed in shorts and bare foot, Duo lay back, staring at the ceiling as she prepared to force his body to move. She looked over his legs, reached up under his shorts to check his hips in such an impersonal manner that Duo didn't even blink at the intimacy of it, and then looked over his arms.

"Any hot spots?" she asked. "Pain points?"

"Too many drugs to know for sure," Duo replied. "Don't see any swelling, though."

She looked over her shoulder at Heero speculatively and then down at Duo again. "He staying?"

Duo looked uncomfortable. "I'm hoping he will."

"Elbow flex first," she warned.

Duo gritted his teeth and closed his eyes. He sweated, he cried, and he panted in an agony that transcended his medication as she took him through a routine, that only included one knee, two elbows, and a hip. When she was done, Duo was red in the face, running with sweat and snot, and still trying to stop from crying. She handed him tissues and didn't look at him as she cleaned him up the rest of him.

Heero had been standing with arms crossed tightly over his chest through the entire session. He couldn't fault the therapist. She knew her job thoroughly and her detachment was just what Duo needed. Heero wasn't certain that he could have pushed Duo to such limits in the face of his clear agony.

"All right?" Doro said as she made sure Duo's can drink and his pain pills were in reach. "Want to sit again?"

"No!" Duo replied quickly, gritted his teeth, and then said more calmly, "I just need stay here a bit. Heero will take care of me."

Her eyes went to the other bed and she frowned. She snapped her gloves off and tossed them into the garbage. After putting her things away and zipping up her bag, she hefted it and started for the door. She gave Heero a long look and then said, "Sir, can I speak with you a moment?"

Heero nodded, worried, and then followed her, curious, as she took him out into the hallway.

"You two are... more than friends?" Doro asked.

Heero scowled, hands balling into fists. "That isn't your concern. If you're prejudiced..."

She glared at him angrily. "Sir, I only want to warn you that Mr. Maxwell is not capable of any physical relationship."

"I know that!" Heero retorted, fighting a blush. "Do you think it matters to me? I know we will have to wait a long while for him to heal."

"The drugs make him incapable, sir," she clarified. "And his injuries would suffer if you were to... press that kind of activity regardless. I'm warning you not to try it."

Heero's jaw worked in anger and embarrassment, but he saw her real concern. "I understand," he managed. He had a question of his own and it was difficult to ask it. "Duo's progress... has there been any?"

She lifted an eyebrow. "Yes, of course, but, unfortunately, not as he measures it. Mr. Maxwell sees small gains as none at all." She gave Heero a sad look. "If you're hoping for a full recovery, you are going to be disappointed. He will be lucky to leave that chair on crutches and braces. He was crushed, sir, almost literally. That kind of damage takes miracles to heal. I don't happen to have any of those in my bag."

Heero nodded. "Thank you for being honest."

She almost turned away and then said, "He was a hero of mine. I'd do this for free if I had to. I wish... I wish I could give him what he wants."

She was gone, then, and Heero hurried back into the room to check on Duo. He found Duo with an open can of drink in one hand, about to tumble to the floor, and his bottle of pills open on the stand next to the bed. Duo's eyes were half closed and glazed.

Heero took away the drink, dried Duo off, washed his face, and then lifted him from the sweat dampened mat. He carried Duo to his own bed and covered him with a throw. Smoothing a hand over Duo's brow, Heero leaned close and whispered, "I'm still here."

Duo smiled in his haze and then fell into true sleep.

TBC 


	4. For You

Kracken

Disclaimer:Don't own them, don't make any money off of this.  
Warning: Male/male sex, graphic, language, violence

The Cost

For You

"Visit him," Heero urged as he walked through the aisle of the pharmacy with Duo's prescriptions in a bag. His cell phone cradled against his shoulder and ear, he stared at the receipt and the very large cost of the small bag.

"I want to," Quatre replied, but sounded unsure.

"He doesn't hate you," Heero assured him yet again.

"I hate myself," Quatre replied.

"So, avoiding your best friend makes the situation better?" Heero scowled as he shoved the receipt into the bag and left the shop, a small bell tinkling as the door swung open and closed. He turned and walked down the street. "He's a great deal better, Quatre," he continued. "He's finally making gains in his therapy and even his doctor is amazed that he's managed to move that injured hip. What he needs, though, is to know that he hasn't been forgotten, that his friends aren't abandoning him because of what has happened to him."

"We have, though, haven't we?" Quatre replied dispiritedly. "We've all wanted to avoid seeing his pain, seeing what he's become. We couldn't face his optimism with any of our own. Only you were able to do that."

"We're going to the park today. Be there, or don't consider yourself Duo's friend any longer," Heero growled angrily, not giving Quatre any sympathy as he cut the connection.

"Don't move, I've got a gun," a voice snarled. Heero began to turn his head slowly, but the voice warned, "Just hand the drugs back. If you look, I'll paint the sidewalk with your brains."

In the old days, Heero would have gauged the man's position and attacked. In the old days, there wouldn't have been anyone to care if he died in the attempt. In the old days, there hadn't been anyone at home, counting on his return. Duo needed him. Heero knew that he couldn't take the chance that something might happen to him. He handed back the bag with Duo's prescriptions and then heard the quick retreat of feet down the sidewalk. Only then did he turn and see the flying flaps of a jacket as a nondescript man disappeared into the bustling city crowds.

"Damn it!" Heero swore, clenched his fists, and then walked back to the pharmacy to try and explain why he needed the prescriptions refilled once again.

They weren't understanding. When Heero called Duo's doctor to request that he resubmit the prescription, the man asked for a police report and proof, citing the many occasions that pain medication had been sold to third parties or misused by patients. In acute frustration, Heero called Preventers and made a report of the theft. He had to wait a long while for an agent to show up, ask questions, make a computerized report, and promise to have it submitted as soon as possible.

Heero's phone rang and he picked it up, knowing that it would be Duo, worrying about his long absence.

"Heero? Everything okay?" Duo wondered.

"I had an accident with your pills," Heero told him, not wanting to alarm him. "I need to have your doctor resubmit the prescription and refill it. That might take some time."

"He wasn't too keen, was he?" Duo guessed. "After my overdose..."

Heero hadn't even considered that and clenched the phone almost tight enough to break it. "I'll get the pills," Heero told him, "One way or another."

"Hey, buddy! Calm down!" Duo exclaimed. "Stay in channels, okay? I still have..." Heero heard a bottle rattle. "... at least two days worth."

"That's if you aren't in any serious pain," Heero pointed out. "I don't like that kind of margin."

"But we'll live with it," Duo chuckled. "I appreciate the love, and all that, but you're not helping me, or yourself, by breaking and entering into pharmacies."

Heero took a steadying breath and then let it out. "All right," he finally agreed, but didn't feel as confident as Duo about things being straightened out.

"So much for the park today." Duo sighed. "I was really hoping we could do that."

It would have been his third attempt at the short journey. The second had ended before the entrance, when a car, smoking and smelling like burning oil, had sent Duo into near convulsions with coughing. Knowing that Quatre might have been waiting for them, a reward of sorts, if they had managed to make it all the way, didn't help Heero's mood.

"I'll return to the apartment as soon as I can," Heero promised. "Maybe we'll still have time."

"I hope so, but there's always tomorrow," Duo replied. "Later, Heero... uhm... love you, you know?"

Heero felt a hot blush as he looked around him and then replied softly, "Love you, too."

Heero broke the connection with Duo then and tried one more attempt to convince Duo's doctor of the seriousness of their position. The doctor was immovable, insisting on waiting for the agent's report. Heero gritted his teeth, mentally going over the long steps of submitting that report and how long it would take to become available to the doctor. It added up to unacceptable.

Pocketing his phone, Heero began walking, following the path he had seen the thief take through the crowds. He would get Duo's medications back, he decided. Some things were worth risking himself for.

At the apartment, Duo tried not to feel anxious, but he was more worried about his small supply of pain pills than he wanted Heero to realize. The pain was bad enough when he took them. He didn't want to find out how bad it would be without them. He checked them, counting them carefully and gauging how few he could get by with, and then put them in a safe place, feeling paranoid about losing them as well.

A knock on the door some time later, startled him. He had managed his wheel chair and had reached a halfway point in the room. That often required a breather, but he hadn't needed one this time. That surprise was foremost in his mind and he couldn't think past that to react to his visitor.

"Duo?" a tentative voice called. "I didn't see Heero's car... are you... I waited at the park. When you didn't come, I thought..."

Quatre had been waiting at the park? Duo snorted. Trust Heero to try and patch things between them. He punched the remote and the door unlocked.

"Come in!" he called and turned his chair to face the door. He gave himself a once over before Quatre opened the door and wished that he was wearing something other than ragged shorts and a tank top. It felt good not to have cloth rubbing against his wounds and braces, but he wasn't eager to have Quatre see all of the damage.

The man's wide eyes and white face were expected. Duo grimaced, wheeled his chair around, and made it to the bed with motions that sent the pain singing through him. He gritted his teeth against it, snagged a throw from the bed, and draped it across his legs.

"You don't have to do that," Quatre said in a tense, small voice.

"No?" Duo grunted sourly. "I wouldn't want you to throw up, or anything."

Quatre was silent. Duo refused to turn. Finally, Quatre said, "It's not the wounds, Duo, it's you... it's knowing how much you were hurt. You're my best friend. It tears me up inside."

"Yeah? You have a funny way of showing that you give a damn." Duo snapped back. He did turn then and saw Quatre's stricken eyes. The man's hands were fisting and releasing, his nails driving into his palms.

"I thought you might hate me, because I couldn't help you," Quatre replied. "I hated myself. I couldn't face you. I felt too guilty."

Duo stared at him and then he lowered his eyes, hands twisting in his lap. "You know what, Quatre? I can understand, I really can. Who wants to see something like this?" His hands came apart and motioned to himself. "One badass Gundam pilot turned into pieced together shit. It'd make my stomach turn."

Quatre's hands were gently taking hold of Duo's shoulders, careful not to squeeze. Duo looked up into his hard, blue eyes, and wondered why Quatre was angry with him. "Don't say that again," Quatre told him. "You are not... shit. I dealt with my emotions, my reactions, in the wrong way. It's me, not you."

"I couldn't do this by myself," Duo told him. It stung his pride, but it had to be said. "I needed Heero... still do. It's not your money, I need. Do you understand that, Quatre? I need you, just like I need Heero, but I can't force that."

Quatre leaned over and kissed the top of Duo's head, his hand caught in Duo's hair as if he needed a way to hang on to him. "Forgive me, please?"

"Always," Duo grinned fiercely, "Now, forget it, okay? Let's start over. Get a beer, or some juice, from the fridge and have a seat."

Quatre managed a smile as he released Duo. He nodded, at a loss for words, and then hid his emotions by going to the refrigerator and looking inside. He said, his back turned to Duo, "Why didn't you go to the park, if you weren't angry with me?"

Duo grunted. "Well, Heero had some trouble with my meds. He's trying to get a refill, but... there's problems. It's my own fault. The docs don't trust me."

Quatre had turned in concern, a can of beer in one hand. "How long has Heero been gone?"

Duo knew better than to shrug. It hurt. "I dunno. The meds make me kind of fuzzy. An hour?"

Quatre put his drink back. "I think that I should go and find him. I might be able to-"

"He said that he wouldn't, Quat," Duo assured him, knowing what he was thinking. "He said that he'd stay in channels."

"Oh," Quatre replied, but still looked worried.

The door opened and Heero came in, looking rushed, a mangled white bag in one hand. He stopped, hand twitching towards a hidden gun before he registered that it was Quatre standing there. His tense expression turned pleased then.

"Is everything all right?" Heero asked as he placed the bag on a counter and began taking out the bottles.

"Yeah," Duo replied, "We talked. I see you managed to get the docs to refill my prescription. What did you say to convince them?"

"You have to take a few blood tests," Heero replied as he checked the seals on the bottles.

"So they know I'm not taking extra?" Duo guessed.

Heero made a grunt that said nothing and then turned to them. He brushed his hair out of his eyes with one hand and then regarded them both as he said, "We still have time to go to the park."

Duo was eager. "Can we? I'm up for it if you guys are."

"Of course," Quatre replied, but he was studying Heero carefully as he asked, "Are you sure that you aren't too tired? Getting through red tape can be exhausting."

Heero gave him a sharp look, but replied, as he began helping Duo get ready, "I'm fine."

He was moving stiffly though, and favoring one arm as he checked the oxygen tank, his cell phone in case he had to call in an emergency, and all of Duo's straps and cushions to make certain that nothing became jarred out of position.

"Duo?" Quatre said as he stepped forward and put a hand on the back of Duo's chair. "May I walk with you?"

"Sure, "Duo replied, pleased. "You can be my copilot this time."

Heero looked as if he would have liked to protest, but one hand went to the arm that he was favoring and he stepped aside to let Quatre walk behind the chair as they headed for the door.

"We're going to make it this time," Duo vowed.

"Of course we will," Quatre agreed with a fierceness that had Duo grinning at him.

Five yards down the sidewalk, though, Quatre was beginning to have doubts. Heero looked weary and his grimaces were well hidden, but he was still full of enthusiasm and encouragement. It kept Quatre silent when he felt the need to protest. Duo was coughing and holding his middle, bracing himself to keep his body from jerking, and looking pale. The oxygen mask went on, then, and they paused while he adjusted.

"What did the doctor say about his lungs?" Quatre asked worriedly.

"They will heal," Heero replied, "but the sensitivity may never go away."

"Meaning that the oxygen tank might be my lifelong buddy," Duo snickered through his mask, as if it didn't matter to him. "Onward, guys. I'm okay."

Quatre looked searchingly at Heero, wondering if they should put a stop to the outing, but then he noticed the blood spotting Heero's shirt where the jacket had hitched up. Quatre's eyes went wide. Heero looked down, adjusted his coat to cover it, and then glared at Quatre, daring him to say anything.

"Race you," Duo snickered and sent his wheel chair forward. Heero and Quatre hurried to catch up.

If Duo was hurting, he refused to show it. They made it through the gates of the park and onto a narrow jogging path. Duo stopped then and covered his eyes with one twisted hand. It was a moment before they realized that he was crying and trying to hide it.

"Duo?" Quatre felt near panic, wondering if Duo had harmed himself.

Heero rested a hand on Duo's shoulder, leaned down, and kissed his tear streaked face. "You did it," he said and sounded on the edge of tears himself. "You reached the park."

Quatre understood then and put a hand to his mouth to cover his own emotion.

Duo recovered enough to chuckle, "First the park and then the world."

Getting back to the apartment was harder. Once they reached it, Heero knew that Duo wouldn't want Quatre to see how such a small outing had effected him. They said their goodbyes and Quatre left with a promise to return again soon.

Heero cleaned Duo, checked over all of his braces, pins, and still healing bones, and then put him to bed with his medications. When he began to withdraw, Duo took a tight hold of Heero's shirt, keeping him bent close. "You don't need to lie to me," Duo said softly. "I know how you got my medicine back. Take care of yourself now."

Heero's jaw worked for a moment. He didn't apologize. He wasn't sorry for his actions. He turned away to clean and tape closed, a hastily bandaged slash under his arm. That done, he turned back to Duo and saw that he had fought sleep, and the grip of the drugs, to make certain that Heero was all right.

"Come 'ere," Duo slurred and crooked a finger at him. When Heero complied, he tugged at Heero and said, "In... Tired of sleeping alone."

"Duo," Heero protested. "I-"

Duo gave him a bleary glare. "Um not gonna fuck you, just... just wanna have you next to me."

Heero chuckled. "We need more room."

"Slide y'r bed 'ver here," Duo ordered.

Heero weighed the pros and cons and then decided that he could be next to Duo without harming him. He pulled his bed over, crawled in, and then lay facing Duo. Duo moved his body fitfully, attempting several positions, and then settled on his back with his head tilted to rest against Heero's shoulder. Heero smoothed a hand along his face.

"Nice," Duo mumbled. "Smell good. Warm. Tired of myself." He paused and Heero almost decided that he had fallen asleep, but then Duo said very softly, "I know Quatre doesn't believe in me... but it was still gr't."

"He'll come again," Heero said, deciding that Duo needed to hear that.

"G'd," Duo managed and then he was asleep.

Heero stared at Duo's sleeping face, the lines of pain smoothed out, and thought about the lengths that he had gone to in order to assure that. He didn't regret it. Being next to Duo, hearing his steady breathing, and enjoying his closeness, made everything else fade away. He smiled, kissed Duo's forehead, and then fell asleep himself.

TBC 


	5. Pride

Kracken

Disclaimer:I don't own this and I don't make any money off of it Warning:Male/male sex, graphic, language, violence, physical trauma, duosufferitus

The Cost

Pride

"Just speak to her, please Duo?" Quatre begged.

Heero was frowning, but staring at Duo intently. Duo could feel that he wanted him to do it. Staring down at his hands, one bandaged from a recent operation and much straighter than the other, he thought about how he felt. Outside his door was the person responsible for the condition he was in now and everything that he had gone through. If she had just taken her baby with her, instead of fleeing blindly from her home...

Duo felt that terrible bite of anger again.

Quatre's blue eyes were sad, but insistent. "You won't regret it, I promise," he said. "I promise, Duo," he repeat more forcefully.

"I won't be responsible for what happens," Duo bit out. "I'll say what I feel and fuck her if she can't take it."

Quatre nodded, exchanged a look with Heero, and then moved to open the door. "Please, come in," he said softly.

The woman looked afraid. Dressed in jeans and a tshirt, she looked very young, her hair in braids and her face wide eyed and anxious. In her arms was her young daughter.

Duo felt furious. He'd been tricked. Cheated out of being able to react the way he wanted to. How could he say any of the things he'd stored up in the pit of his being with this little girl present? He felt Heero's hand rest on his shoulder. It was a signal that Heero would help him, support whatever he did. It gave Duo an even greater pause. How could he do that to Heero? How could he show Heero the ugly core of him that hated this person, and his own sacrifice, so much?

The woman looked over Duo's damaged body and tears welled up in her eyes. She trembled. "Dear God! I didn't know that you were hurt this badly," she suddenly wailed. "I 'm so sorry! So very sorry! This is all because of me!"

Her daughter was alarmed. Her mother was holding her too tightly. She began crying as well.

Duo grimaced. "Okay! Okay! Stop it. I didn't let you in here so that you could get my floor wet. Your scaring the kid, too."

The woman made a tremendous effort to regain her composure, but tears still streaked down her face. "I...I just wanted to thank you," she finally managed. "I wanted you to see my baby, so that you could see who you saved."

"Like that makes what happened better?" Duo sneered. He motioned to his broken body. "I traded myself for this, 'cuz you were a stupid b-... stupid person. You think some thanks makes that all better?"

She shook her head. "No," she whispered. "Nothing can, I suppose." She shrank into herself, arms automatically comforting her child."I should be in that wheelchair, or dead, not you. That's a fact. I should have saved my own baby girl."

"Damned fuc- damned right!" Duo exploded and then caught himself when the little girl swivelled around to look at him in fear.

"I- I stopped taking drugs," the woman told him haltingly. "No more drinking. I'm living right, raising my baby girl right. Nothing I can do will be enough, though. Nothing."

"Nothing," Duo growled, agreeing.

The little girl suddenly struggled out of her mother's arms. Unsure, but intrigued by Duo, she took a step forward. Her mother reached down to take in her in hand again.

Duo glared at the little girl and said gruffly, "What's with you? Aren't you afraid of the monster?"

"Picture!" the girl lisped.

"I show her your picture, all the time," the woman told Duo quietly. "I tell her, 'That's the man who's your father. He gave you life.'"

Duo blinked, confused. "What the...?"

The woman shrugged. "Her own daddy never even saw her, why should he get the name?"

"You're nuts," Duo grumbled and looked embarrassed.

"Pret-ty hair," the little girl said and made as if to grab it, chubby hands opening and closing.

"Yeah, only thing that's left that is pretty," Duo retorted angrily and then made an impatient motion with his hand towards the door. "Okay, your time's up. Get out. Nobody feels better. Nobody's going to feel better. Guess that means we'll all feel like crap until we die."

The little girl struggled out of her mother's grip and leaned on Duo's wheelchair, looking up at him. She reached up and touched his braid. "Soft," she lisped.

"Why did you save her, Duo?" Heero suddenly asked.

Duo glared at him and then down at the little girl again. His expression softened despite himself and he replied, "Look at her. Who would want to see a building fall on her?"

"Yeah?" Heero said with a small smile.

Duo sank into his chair and admitted sourly, "Yeah."

The mother knew that something had been given, but she wasn't going to wait for more. She gathered her daughter again and said, "Thank you, Mr. Maxwell, for my daughter's life."

She turned to go, but Duo called out as she opened the door, "So, what's her name?"

"Sherry," the woman replied with a tentative smile. "Mine's Junie."

Duo looked away with a pained shrug, but said, "You keep making it worth what I paid, okay?"

"For the rest of my life," she vowed and then she and her daughter were gone.

"Are you sure I can't drink?" Duo groused to no one in particular. "I could use one after that."

He knew the answer to that and expected the silence.

"Well, are you both just going to stand there or are you going to help me do leg lifts?" Duo snapped as he ignored his pain and turned his wheelchair to the therapy table set up by his bed, "because if you're expecting me to pat any body on the back for that little episode, you'll be waiting until hell freezes over."

Duo sat in a cushioned chair and stared at his bare legs. Scars and open sores marched down the length of them. They look thin and weak, certainly not capable of holding Duo's weight. Still, he managed a smile. "It's good to get some of the hardware off finally."

"Keep the sores clean and aired," the doctor said as he wrote on a computer pad. "If there's any unusual swelling or drainage, I want to know at once."

Duo nodded, but then said, "Doc, about the wires."

The doctor's jaw tightened, but he didn't look up to meet Duo's eyes. "Baby steps, Mr. Maxwell, not Olympic hurdles."

Duo frowned, but Heero squeezed his shoulder in comfort and Wu Fei came forward to help him into his wheelchair. "Thanks for helping," Duo told him as the dark head bent to make sure Duo's legs were comfortable.

"Thank you for allowing me to," Wu Fei said, but couldn't help adding, "At last."

Duo looked guilty and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, I was pretty disgusting up until now. You understand? I've got a lot of pride, I guess."

"Too much," Wu Fei admonished him.

Duo chuckled, but there was a hard glint in his eye as he said, "Even Heero went green a few times, caring for me, Fei, and you know what kind of guy he is."

Wu Fei's eyes came up, then, very serious and he replied, before he straightened, "You are insulting me."

Duo scowled and then sighed. "Sorry, I just wanted to-"

"Spare me, yes, I know," Wu Fei replied as he helped Heero check Duo's equipment, "but I didn't ask you to do that."

Duo grimaced and then looked down at the hands in his lap. "Maybe I wanted to spare myself?" he said. "I get tired of people getting sick dealing with me."

Heero broke in, sensing Duo's depression. "Duo, you're looking for a fight."

Duo gave him a sideways glare and then he snorted in amusement. "Yeah, I guess I'm wanting a target."

Wu Fei frowned as they began wheeling Duo out of the doctor's office. "You've had your pins removed today. Why does this upset you?"

Duo shrugged and replied sarcastically,"I have more hardware under my skin than a Gundam, I still can't get out of my chair without help, braces, and a lot of pain pills. I-"

"Grip my hands," Wu Fei suddenly said and held them out to Duo.

"What?" Duo replied in confusion, but Wu Fei didn't say anything more, simply kept holding out his hands. Duo exchanged a puzzled look with Heero and then took them.

"Grip them firmly," Wu Fei instructed Duo.

Duo did, squeezing tight.

Wu Fei smiled at him and said, "I feel your strength, your fire, and your determination. Your grip is not that of a man who will fail."

Duo let him go, flexed his aching fingers, and then snorted. "Damned right I'm not failing."

"Then there is nothing to be angry, or depressed, about," Wu Fei pointed out. "The battle isn't lost, it is simply not over yet."

That gave Duo something to think about on the way back home. When Wu Fei had gone, and Heero was helping him to stretch out on the bed to rest, Duo held him by the shirt when he began to turn away.

"I am still fighting," Duo told him, "but there's more than one battle going on."

Heero sat on the edge of the bed, puzzled. "More than one?"

Duo felt Heero's shirt between his fingers and then plucked at it. "Take this off. In fact, take everything off."

Heero tensed, uncertain.

Duo smiled at him as he slid a hand under that shirt and felt strong muscles and smooth skin. "Don't worry, I don't have anything big in mind... just... " He frowned then, went thoughtful, and then asked, "Unless... I'm too... gross... still...?"

Heero's smile was tender as he pulled off his shirt and pants. His straining erection was answer enough. "I can wait, Duo. You don't have to-"

"I don't want to wait," Duo interrupted. "Not anymore. I know I can't really get it up right now, but I can get some happy out of just enjoying you, you know? I didn't get much of a win today, so I think I need a win on this front, at least."

"This won't be one sided," Heero told him sternly as he unbuttoned Duo's shirt and pulled at the velcro that helped him dress over his braces. He only went to Duo's navel, both of them aware that revealing Duo's lack of response would not help in what they were about to attempt.

Heero's hands smoothed over pink scarring with a firmness that Duo needed just then. He didn't think that he could have gone on if Heero had been tentative in any way. Heero bent and kissed the metal brace on Duo's upper arm, keeping his arm in a position to heal smashed and wired together bones. That motion made Duo shiver. Heero had managed to make it erotic.

"All right?" Heero asked as his kisses began making their lazy way to one of Duo's nipples.

Duo nodded as his own hands began smoothing over the hard planes of Heero's body. He didn't need to tell Heero that their trip to the doctor had left him in pain and completely exhausted. He didn't need to tell him that the pain pills had made him almost completely numb. It was the contact alone that Duo needed, along with the knowledge that Heero wasn't disgusted by him, that he could find something stirring about Duo, despite everything. And Duo needed Heero to know that he could offer something in return, and that he wouldn't fail at this battle either.

Duo's hand wrapped firmly around Heero's erection and began a steady rhythm while Heero gave his nipples his full attention. Heero groaned and said softly, "Your hand feels so good, so rough and hard. Hold tighter, I like it tight."

Duo felt heat as his body made a valiant attempt to get excited. It failed, but only after a twitching effort that had Duo moaning himself. Palming and pumping Heero's silky, warm flesh, knowing that Heero was enjoying it completely, was almost enough. There was still frustration, a faint nagging fear that this might be all that they could hope for, but a contentment danced in an out of that, making Duo feel a surge of triumph when Heero spurted hot and copiously all over his hand. The man shuddered, mouth a moist tightness on Duo's swollen nipple, as his orgasm overtook him. When it was over, he kissed Duo's nipple and then sat up.

Brushing hair out of Duo's eyes, Heero whispered, "Thank you."

"I liked it too," Duo assured him with a tired smirk, and then his eyes grew heavy. "I'm not one of those people that gets laid and then goes to sleep on you... just..."

"It's all right," Heero told him as he spread a blanket over him. He looked faintly embarrassed. "I didn't last long. I don't want you to think that I'm like that... always."

"The awkward moment after sex," Duo snickered. "Never thought I'd get to have that, especially with you. We'll both get better at it."

Heero was frowning, though, and that kept Duo awake when he might otherwise have let himself fall into the grip of the drugs. "Duo," Heero finally asked, as he cleaned himself with a towel, "Are we... gay?"

Duo blinked. "Huh?"

"I've never wanted anyone like this before," Heero admitted. "I've never been interested before. I thought that I had something wrong with me, that I wasn't capable of feeling physical attraction."

Duo tried to concentrate on that revelation, but it was hard. "I've always known, since I was old enough to sneak peeks at the sweeper guys in the communal showers. There just wasn't time, though, and maybe that was your problem too? We both had people to save, training to complete, battles to fight... that can take everything out of a guy's libido, even a young guy, when he has to focus like that."

"And after the war?" Heero wondered and then answered his own question. "But then I wanted you, and no one else would do."

Duo grinned. "Me too." He closed his eyes, then, and sank back into his pillow. "I wish we hadn't been such idiots, waiting for the other guy to make the first move.We could have had a lot of good sex before now."

Heero chuckled. "I didn't want to say..."

"It's okay, " Duo told him, more seriously. "It's okay to think of could have beens. That's just natural."

Heero nodded, but then said firmly, "We're together now, though, and it will be all right, as long as that's true."

Duo nodded, yawned, and then reached out to give Heero's crotch a gentle squeeze. Heero made a slight sound of amusement and pleasure as Duo kneaded. "Are we gay?" Duo snickered, echoing Heero. "I'm going to give you a lot of chances to figure that one out for yourself."

TBC 


	6. Turning

Kracken

Disclaimer:I don't own this and I don't make any money off of it Warning:Male/male sex, graphic, language, violence, physical trauma, duosufferitus

The Cost

Turning Over

"Jeez! Look at this ugly shit!" a young voice sneered.

Duo tensed. Sitting near a few potted plants and a bench along the sidewalk, it had seemed a nice, safe place for Heero to leave him while he went in and saw to the details of paying for and arranging the delivery of a few new pieces of equipment. Boredom had been a problem of late, now that Duo was regaining some of his strength and reducing the dosage of his pain medication, and Heero had promised to find something to keep Duo busy. It was a surprise of sorts and Duo had been waiting with some anticipation. Trouble had been the last thing on his mind.

"Trash like that shouldn't be messing up the street," another voice snickered. "Maybe we should do something about it?"

Duo clenched hands and didn't look, hoped that ignoring them, and the fact that people were passing by him regularly, would keep the owners of those voices from doing anything more than tossing insults.

A hand landed on Duo's wheelchair. Another fiddled with the knob of one of his oxygen tanks. He did look then and saw three young men grinning at him. Their grins were like wolves ready to take down prey, though, and Duo tried to keep the trepidation off his face. He gave them, instead, a bored look and said, "Don't you have anything better to do than annoy cripples?"

One of them, a husky youth with a shock of black hair and a scar under his lip, snickered. "Nope, not a thing," he replied. He leaned very close and eyed Duo. "You are one ugly mother fucker. What the hell happened to you?"

"Saved a baby from a burning building," Duo told them with a dangerous gleam in his own eye. "You don't come out looking too pretty when the whole building lands on you afterward."

"No shit?" The one fiddling with the tank grunted. He had long, dirty blonde hair in dreds and his clothes were two sizes too large. "So ugly's a hero, and all?"

"No, just a dumb shit who didn't run fast enough," Duo chuckled.

The third one had wide eyes. "Damn," he muttered. He was scrawny and had an almost bald head. A tattoo of a snake traveled around one arm. He nudged the blonde. "Leave 'em alone. Let's go to the arcade."

The one with the scar glared at him. "You don't believe that crap, do you? He just don't want us messing with him."

Duo made a motion at his own body. "You explain all this then."

"Don't need to," scar growled, angry that the bald boy and the blonde were starting to back away from Duo. He was their leader and he didn't want anyone questioning that. When he pulled a small knife out, Duo tensed. It hovered near his braid. "Maybe I want a souvenier," the boy whispered to Duo with evil intent. "Something from a real hero?"

No one slowed their steps. Duo and the three boys were passed by as if they didn't exist. It was a moment where anything could have happened, a moment when, later, those self same people passing by might ask themselves why they hadn't stopped it.

"Jeez, Jordan!" The blonde complained and jerked at his coat. "Leave the guy alone and let's get going!"

The boy with the scar glared and then suddenly changed his aim. He slashed a part of the tube from Duo's oxygen tank off and then waggled it at Duo. "Hope you didn't need this. I'd ask for an autograph, but I don't think it'd fit." He laughed as he turned, with a swirl of his coat, and strode away with his friends.

"Little shit!" Duo swore. He fingered the cut tube nervously. He wasn't as sensitive as he had been, but he still needed the mask and oxygen when the air irritated his lungs too much. He checked to make sure that he had his inhaler, patted it when he found it, and hoped that it was enough.

"Duo?" Heero startled Duo by leaning close.

Duo let out a breath of relief and sank in his chair. "Too bad you weren't here a bit earlier."

"Why?" Heero was already scanning the street, tense and worried.

"Ran into a couple of young kids with nothing better to do than harass ex gundam pilots in wheelchairs," Duo groused. "One of the shits cut my tube."

Heero studied it and then glared about the street again. Duo knew what was on his mind and how to distract him. "I need to get back home. If something happens now..." He let it hang. He knew that Heero was aware what might happen.

Heero deposited a bag into Duo's lap and then began rolling him down the street towards their apartment. Duo looked down at it and then up at Heero. "So?" he questioned.

Heero was still on edge, thinking, probably, about his failure to be there when Duo needed him. It took him a moment to bring his attention back and reply, "Satellite uplink and three data ports with G.U. capability. The new computer system is arriving tomorrow."

Duo grinned, almost forgetting the fact that he had been useless against three boys. "You know that's pure candy to me, don't you? I can't wait to start hacking."

"I'm not certain Preventers will approve, but I doubt you'll give them anything to trace," Heero told him, but then added, "Unless you want to use your skills for them? They're always looking for infiltration specialists."

Duo frowned. "So," he growled, "This is either a way to make me feel 'useful' or an attempt to ease me into 'settling' for not getting back 100 percent. Look, Duo!" he mocked. "You can actually do something!"

Heero stopped, leaned down, and gave Duo a light kiss. Then he looked into Duo's eyes very seriously and said, "Neither. Stop reading between the lines. I love you. It's that simple."

"Good," Duo retorted, "Because I don't need another Quatre trying to manage my life."

Heero made a face and began pushing Duo again. They passed a deli and Duo's stomach grumbled. "I really want a ham and cheese, Heero, melted, and with that really great sauce they put on it. If you really do love me, got get me one."

Heero hesitated. His eyes swept the streets around them. Duo wasn't sure himself, but he couldn't go back without proving something to himself, that he wasn't going to be intimidated by children.

"I'm right outside and you can see me through the window," Duo told Heero impatiently. "Nothing's going to happen."

Heero measured the distance to the inside counter and mentally measured reaction time scenarios before he replied cautiously, "You won't come inside?"

Duo motioned to the narrow door. "That deli's been here since horse and carriages. That door's too narrow for all my gear. Besides," he turned his wheelchair to face the street, "I gotta be out here. You know why."

Heero still looked nervous, but he understood. It was another reason that Duo loved him. He would let Duo do whatever he thought he could. A hand squeezed Duo's shoulder and then he heard the tinkle of the bell suspended over the door of the deli as Heero went inside.

Duo sat nervously, watching traffic go by, and trying to convince himself that street toughs were the exception, not the rule. It was warm in the sun, though, and the trees that lined the street were pleasant to look at. Duo found himself slowly relaxing and feeling better.

A woman was talking to a neighbor, nodding and rolling eyes as she made some point, her child playing at her feet. Duo watched idly as the child found a beetle struggling across the heated sidewalk. Three, Duo decided on the age of the child, a little boy in overalls with a teddy bear gracing the front. He was a little blond imp that was even now finding a bit of something to poke at the beetle with. Soon it would be cripples in wheelchairs, Duo thought sourly.

The beetle took flight with iridescent wings and the boy, not wanting to lose his new pet, chased after it, right into the street. Not again, Duo thought. Not his business. He had already given everything. It was someone else's turn. He couldn't anyway, right? He was a goddam cripple. His only duty was to be a bystander, the one they would question later about how horrible the accident had been.

The pain was incredible. Duo was out of his chair and running on limbs that should never have taken even his light weight. He wasn't sure how he managed it, how artificial bones and joints, held together by bubble gum and rubber bands, were allowing him to sprint for all he was worth after a little boy about to be taken out of this life by the front grill of a car. The braces hampered him, he nearly fell a dozen times, but he made it, just, and threw himself the rest of the way. One braced arm snagged the child and carried him along with his weight and momentum out of harms' way. The impact of asphalt was bone shattering. Duo tasted blood, saw red, and then stared up at the blue sky as a child and a woman began screaming at the same time.

His vision was filled then by Heero's face. He'd never sen the man looked frightened. He was shaking with it as his trembling hands fluttered over Duo, afraid to touch, afraid to see that he had killed himself. Duo grinned at him as that beloved face whirled into a vortex of darkness.

"G-Guess I still got it," Duo managed, and then, "I hate kids."

"Duo."

The voice called him back to numbness. Duo felt afraid, very afraid. If he had damaged his spine... His eyes opened reluctantly to a lowered light and a hospital bed. Heero was gripping his hand and calling him back from where ever he had been.

Someone sighed with relief but then a voice berated, "Mr. Maxwell, while I commend your heroics, I have to say that you are the damnedest patient. I think I'll be able to retire on the sheer amount of money that I'll receive from writing a paper about you."

"Or the money you make off of piecing me back together," Duo whispered with a tired smirk."How bad is it?"

"I can't explain how you managed it." The doctor looked Duo up and down as if the explanation would present itself somehow. "I can only surmise that the braces were holding you together and that your insistence on intense exercises allowed your muscles to take over where your bones could not."

"Yeah, so I was Mr. Impossible," Duo groused, "but how much did it fucking cost me this time?"

Heero rubbed a hand over Duo's and replied quietly, "Broken leg, fractured ankle, broken wrist, abrasions, cuts, and a concussion." He managed a smile that held a bit of awe. "It is incredible that more didn't happen."

"Clean breaks," the doctor interjected. "Nothing that can't be put back together. You are one lucky bastard."

"Lucky?" Duo retorted. "You have a strange idea what luck is."

"Continuing to draw breath is always damned lucky in my book," the doctor told him as he nodded to Heero and left them.

Duo sighed and looked at Heero. "So, you must be ready to give up? I wouldn't blame you if you decided to leave me. I'd leave myself if I could."

Heero looked confused. He said, "You are the most incredible man that I've ever met. Who else would I be with?" He pointed to a bouquet of flowers. "The mother of the boy you saved knows that too. She sent those."

Duo was too much of a realist to accept what Heero was offering. It was one thing to say that you loved a hero, a selfless man who was willing to give his life, but it was another thing to live with what was left over after the appreciation club went home. That took something more than most people possessed.

"Duo," Heero said. "You have to see what I see. Even after all that your body has suffered, you still managed to walk, to run, to make it do what needed to be done. Everyone says that it was impossible. Everyone wanted you to believe that such a thing couldn't happen. Can't you see that you've just proven them wrong?"

Duo blinked, the realization hitting him hard. He had... walked. What was to say that he couldn't do it again? His hand turned and he wrapped it in Heero's hand, believing in himself again and grasping onto something that had been lacking in his life for awhile, despite all of his words to the contrary. He had hope again.

"Your physical therapist is a sadist," Wufie muttered after closing the door behind her. "Did she work for Oz?"

Duo, panting and shaking from pain and exhaustion, still managed a snicker. "Too young." When Wu Fei arched an eyebrow at him, he amended, "You know what I mean, one of those lucky people who stayed clear of the war."

Wu Fei nodded as he cleaned up used towels and sports drinks. "How is it?"

The pain, he meant, Duo knew. There wasn't any good answer for that, so he shrugged and replied, "Just be glad you weren't at any of the earlier sessions. This is a cake walk compared to them."

"Do you want your medication?" Wu Fei asked as he ran a hand over the long line of bottles on the kitchen counter.

"No," Duo replied. "My dosage is a lot lower and I want to keep it that way. Besides, pain lets me know when to stop."

Wu Fei shook his head as he tossed the towels into a bin. "You should stop before it comes to that."

"If you're gonna ride me, at least give me a saddle, Fei," Duo growled.

"What?" Wu Fei looked mystified and then he sighed. "I see, I should keep my good advice to myself?"

"Yeah," Duo retorted. They stared at each other uncomfortably and then Duo groused, "You know you can leave me alone, right? Heero wanted you here for the therapy, but I can manage until he gets back." Heero had gone to arrange for Duo to be admitted to a facility that would supervise his next level of therapy. It would take him most of that day to interview all the personnel, check the place and references thoroughly, and handle the paperwork and financing.

"And break my promise?" Wu Fei snorted. "You know that I wouldn't do that."

"I was doing for myself before Heero ever showed up," Duo argued as he picked at his sweat soaked shirt with a grimace.

"Well?" Wu Fei asked with a raised eyebrow. Duo didn't answer. They both knew the answer. Wu Fei sighed and finished cleaning, then he faced Duo as he settled into a chair. "I didn't realize that my presence was so onerous."

Duo rolled his eyes. "It's not, so shut up! I just..." Duo sat up, ignoring the pain, and propped himself against pillows. "A guy gets tired of being treated like a baby."

There was a painful truth to that statement and Duo flushed uncomfortably. Such things were in the past now, lost in his slow climb back from total disability, but it didn't make the embarrassment over them any worse. Heero had definitely seen him at his lowest, had cared for him more than anyone should have been expected to. 

Wu Fei was nodding, though, and his next words shocked Duo. "Then, perhaps, your desires should be respected."

"You're leaving?" Duo asked, feeling hopeful and like an asshole at the same time.

"No," Wu Fei replied with a frown as he began gathering things that would allow Duo to clean himself. "I think that it would be a very good idea for you to escape this room, rather than wait for Heero to return from his business."

"The park?" Duo asked hopefully.

Wu Fei snorted. "That is for infants."

Duo stared in confusion as he took wet towels from the man and began wiping off the sweat. "Where, then?"

"I need to practice my shooting..." Wu Fei began as he took the used towels and began looking for appropriate clothing for Duo.

"The range?" Duo grinned. "But that's at Preventer HQ, right? Heero will kill you."

"I doubt that he can," Wu Fei replied rather arrogantly, but he gave Duo a long appraising look. "You will tell me, at once, when you begin to feel that it is too much. On your honor."

"On my honor," Duo promised, feeling a thrill and a sense of trepidation at the same time. Preventer HQ meant seeing people that he knew, meant brushing elbows with his old life. He wondered if he were ready to face that yet, but then knew that he couldn't voice a concern like that in front of Chang Wu Fei. The man didn't respect mental weakness of any kind. Heero was definitely going to kill them both when he found out.

TBC 


	7. Dare

Kracken

Disclaimer:I don't own this and I don't make any money off of it Warning:Male/male sex, graphic, language, violence, physical trauma, duosufferitus

The Cost

Dare

"Slowly," Wu Fei warned softly as he set up Duo's wheelchair and helped him from the SUV into it. It was difficult and Duo was trying not to pant in pain by the end of it. Wu Fei was strong, but he was smaller than Duo and lighter. There wasn't any 'lifting' or 'carrying'. It was more of a carefully managed slide, from one level to a lower one, that had Wu Fei almost falling trying to cushion Duo on the last half foot.

Duo eyed the high seat of the SUV once he was settled. "My arms are stronger than my legs," he said. "Getting in was a lot easier, because I could pull myself in. Heero may be pissed when we get home, but he needs to help me get out again."

"Agreed," Wu Fei replied worriedly. "Are you well?"

The truth was hard, but Duo had promised, on his honor, to reveal it. He gritted his teeth and then said honestly, "Hurts, but I can manage it."

Wu Fei studied him for a moment, as if gaging the matter for himself, but then nodded and strapped Duo into the cushioned chair. "Remind me again," he growled, "why you no longer have the motorized one?"

"Can't get my muscle back by being a pansy ass in one of those," Duo growled back. "Deal."

Wu Fei frowned, but he didn't take revenge by suggesting that Duo use his muscle now to take him where he wanted to go. Instead, he checked Duo's oxygen, checked to make sure that nothing was catching on Duo's braces or putting pressure where it shouldn't, and then said softly, "You are in transition. Outer appearances don't matter. Insults or pity are only valid if you accept them. Your wounds are testament to your bravery. Anyone who can't honor that, is beneath notice."

Duo snorted, but he couldn't help a nagging worry, a fear that his ex fellow agents would either be disgusted or show contempt for what he had lost. Pity, would kill him. He couldn't stand the thought that they might feel sorry for the cripple and talk about how awful his situation was once he left.

Wu Fei wasn't fool enough to take Duo into the enclosed range. The air would have made him choke. Instead, he wheeled Duo into the open one; a long line of lanes, targets, and men firing weapons repeatedly under the hot sun. It was bustling with activity, every lane filled with people that Duo knew, talking, laughing, and sharing that closeness that agents, used to dealing with danger together, formed. He had once been apart of that, one of them, and well respected despite his unorthodox, and sometimes, prankish behavior.

"Fei," Duo breathed and the man stopped and waited for Duo to say more.

The sound of gunfire made adrenaline sing through Duo. His eyes noted new arms and appreciated old ones. He wanted to be in there, firing himself, talking and sharing something with people besides the small circle that had formed around him like a wall between him and the rest of the world.

"I... understand," Duo said at last, and he did, knowing what Wu Fei had realized and wanted him to know.

"Good, my friend," Wu Fei replied, "Then you know that we must go forward. It's time to live again. There may be pain, but that's part of it."

"Yes," Duo agreed. "Let's go."

Wu Fei pushed him into the wide aisle behind the lanes, full of people supervising and waiting their turn. Eyes swivelled their way and talk began to cease like the ripples on a lake. At last, someone stepped forward. Trowa Barton. His dark shirt accented his muscular, lean body, and his shoulder holstered gun.

"At last," Trowa greeted them with a smile. "I wondered when the pull would grow too strong for you to ignore, Duo."

Duo managed a grin. "Well, you know me, Barton, guns are my candy."

Trowa's eyes swept behind him. "Heero didn't come as well?"

Duo frowned, his pride stung. "I left my nanny today. This one's taking his place." He hooked a crooked thumb at Wu Fei.

Trowa heard the warning and wisely turned the subject. "Kirkland is here. So is Jenks."

They were two men that Duo had often taken on missions and to local bars. Their exploits were honored and notorious. If there was anyone who Duo wanted respect from, it was those two. Fear knotted his gut again as Trowa turned and called out for them. They appeared from an end lane, curious as to why most of the shooting had stopped. When they saw Duo, they rushed forward.

The two men couldn't keep the shock off of their face, or the flashes of 'poor bastard' in their eyes, but they recovered well and came down to Duo's level to grin and look him over.

"Look at him, Jenks," Kirkland, a tall blonde, said drolley as he fingered Duo's cushions. "Living the life of Reilly."

Jenks, a short, muscular Italian, grunted and looked serious as he replied, "Remember that time, he faked having Taos fever? Had nurses hanging on his every whim, for two weeks, and was paid for it too."

Duo glared. "I did have it and they weren't male nurses, so I didn't have much of a good time."

"Not what I heard," Jenks replied archly and then grinned. "So, master of 'playing hooky', did you come to watch us poor slobs work, or are you interested in keeping that range record of yours?"

Duo's twisted fingers knotted in his lap painfully and he couldn't help tense. "Maybe," he tried to get out without having his voice shake, "I can give you both pointers?"

Kirkland glanced behind Duo reflexively, as if Wu Fei had made some silent gesture, but then his eyes were on Duo again, expression firm and not to be denied. "If I didn't know you better, Maxwell, I'd say you were chicken."

Duo scowled, the heat rising to his face, "The hell..."

"You're in for it now," Jenks warned. "Maxwell's going to eat your liver for dinner Kirky."

"He can try," Kirkland sniffed, and motioned Duo forward towards a back lane. "Come on. Let's go where we won't be disturbed."

Duo was at least grateful for that. People made way for him, Jenks and Kirkland throwing challenges and insults back and forth. Like old times, Duo thought, only it wasn't.

"I'll lend you Priscilla," Kirkland offered as they entered a lane and the man unholstered a snub nosed 38.

"Prissy?" Duo couldn't help taunting. "I thought she was only for shooting gnats?"

"And smart mouthed ass holes who insult her," Kirkland snapped back, but he rolled an eye down at Duo appraisingly, now that they were alone in their lane. "You can handle her, I think?"

Duo took the gun and tried to work out a grip that didn't hurt and allowed his good fingers to find the trigger.

"It's all in the skill and the eye," Wu Fei at last decided to say.

Duo nodded, but knew that holding the gun steady was required as well.

Wu Fei wheeled Duo forward to the line and then they waited, all jokes ceasing.

Duo eyed the target. It wasn't far. He tested his fingers a few more times. It was going to be an unconventional shot, but that was his trademark, after all. Duo suddenly lifted the gun, imagining a bad guy, and then fired, the gun resting on an arm brace and one of his finger braces tripping the trigger.

"Shit!" Jenks exclaimed, maybe thinking of a wild shot and disaster, but then swallowed back anything else when they all saw the shot hit the target in the heart.

"Well..." Kirkland managed. "That was... interesting."

Duo grinned. "Well, I do need a few more weeks to get my fingers back, but I can still beat you, even if I have to use my left tit."

Kirkland laughed, and even Wu Fei chuckled.

"My turn," Jenks insisted and stood on the line.

They passed an hour that way, taking turns and Duo almost managing to save his reputation. He shrugged in unconcern, though, when he missed two shots, and refused to think that he'd lost anything. The day in itself was a triumph.

The heat of the day, and a wind kicking up dust, ended things. Duo coughed and Wu Fei grew concerned. "Okay," Duo admitted. "Time to get back."

"You gotta get back here, again, though," Jenks insisted. "We miss you, man!"

Kirkland looked embarrassed at that outburst and said, instead, "Rawlings is taking on airs, Maxwell. He needs to be the butt of a few, good practical jokes."

The man in question was an insufferable, by the book, agent. He had fallen prey to Duo's pranks more than once. "I'll make it my mission," Duo promised and then realized that he had made a promise of sorts, one that he didn't know that he could keep.

"There's people who've written you off," Kirkland said seriously. "We haven't. No matter what, you've got a place here and things you can do. You know that, right?"

Duo nodded and then sighed. "Yeah," which was heavy enough to reveal his doubts, but still better than a flat denial of his future.

It was hard to say goodbye; harder to pass through a throng of well wishers and familiar faces to reach the SUV. Hands helped Wu Fei get Duo into his seat, and Duo tried not to look at their faces, not wanting to see that dreaded pity. When he was secure, and Wu Fei driving away, he breathed a sigh of relief as he reached for his pain pills.

"Oxygen," Wu Fei prompted. "You're wheezing when you breathe."

Duo took his pills and put on his mask. He leaned back into his seat and closed his eyes. "Thank you," he said at last. "I'll leave flowers on your grave after Heero kills you."

"I'm honored," Wu Fei replied, but Duo could feel the smile in it.

Heero's hands were gripping the door of the SUV so hard that metal was bending under his fingers.

"Yuy," Wu Fei warned. "I am still making payments on this vehicle. Please... calm down. Duo is unharmed."

"I finished early," Heero was almost panting with emotion. "You were both gone." He threw a note into Duo's lap. "Did you think this was enough to explain?"

Duo stared down at the note as he slipped off his air mask. 'Gone shooting,' the message said in a hasty scrawl. 'Be back soon.' Duo rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess I was excited and not thinking it through." His eyes locked with Heero's. "I'm sorry. You were probably pretty... worried."

"I called your cell," Heero said angrily.

Duo and Wu Fei both pulled out their cell phones, saw the missed calls, and then pocketed them again.

Duo looked down at his knotting hands in his lap. "It was noisy. I guess... we didn't hear them." Then he frowned and said more strongly, "I'm sorry I made you worry, Heero, but... I needed this."

It was Heero's turn to look down, jaw working as he seemed to use the SUV door for support. "I know," Heero replied, barely a whisper, "but I would have liked to have come."

"It wasn't planned," Wu Fei admitted, "but you are right, we were... irresponsible. I felt that, once engaged, Duo might change his mind if given time. I thought that this was important and we were both very careful."

Heero was quiet and then he said, "More careful than I've been."

They knew what he was speaking of. While with Duo, Duo had been molested by people on the street and re-injured during his rescue attempt of yet another child. Guilt oozed from every pore.

"Stop it!" Duo barked and Heero looked up, startled. "You have been a saint! Don't do this, Heero, don't beat yourself up over what's out of your hands. I made my own decisions about everything and I decided on this, too. I needed it," he repeated it, stressing each word. "I'm going to do more of it, too, so you better get your head out of your ass and get ready to tag along next time."

Heero smiled, but it was faint and still full of worry. "You know that I will always be there for you, Duo, but don't go faster than I can follow, please?"

Duo reached out and roughly caressed Heero's cheek "I am so sorry, Heero."

Heero nodded, swallowed hard, and then unbuckled Duo from his seat belt. Wu Fei slid across the seat to help brace Duo as Heero gently lifted him down into his wheelchair. Heero's strength made it ridiculously easy. When Duo was settled safely, Wu Fei slid back into the driver's side of the SUV. He knew that Heero's mood was chancy, at that moment, and he had decided not to risk any prolonged stay.

"Chang," Heero said suddenly and Wu Fei looked sideways at him, hands on the steering wheel. Heero took a moment and then said, as if it were hard, "Thank you."

Wu Fei nodded, relieved, and then pulled out of the drive.

Heero wheeled Duo into their apartment, checked his braces and breathing, and then maneuvered him onto the bed. Duo lay down, exhausted, but eyes on Heero. When Heero settled on the bed beside him, laying down as well, Duo knew how much he had worried.

Duo rolled against him, ignoring pain and uncomfortable pressure on his braces, and said, "Love you."

Heero smiled as if savoring it.

Duo kissed him along the jaw, one hand sliding down to Heero's belt buckle. "Really love you," Duo continued.

Heero placed a hand over Duo's, stilling him. He turned to Duo, nose to nose. "I don't need you to 'make it up to me'," he said.

Duo sighed and rested against Heero. "I didn't want to end the day feeling like an asshole."

"Then don't," Heero replied. "Tell me about your day."

Duo smiled against Heero's skin. "I ran into Jenks and Kirkland."

Heero relaxed and smiled. "They didn't talk you into going to the dance bars, did they?"

Duo smirked. "No, but they did let me shoot."

"You went to the shooting range?" Heero wondered, eyebrows going up.

"Yeah, and it was great!" Duo told him. "Kirk let me use Prissy. I even made a few shots."

Heero's smile grew. "Tell me about it..."

TBC 


	8. Rising

Kracken

Disclaimer:I don't own them and I don't make any money off of them.  
Warning:Male/male sex, duosufferitus, angst,violence, language

The Cost

Rising

"Heero," Duo pushed at the sleeping man beside him.

Heero blinked open bleary eyes, already asking, before he was fully awake, "Pain? I'll get your pills..."

"No!" Duo retorted and clutched Heero's sleep shirt to keep him in bed.

"What's wrong, Duo?" Heero asked in concern.

"Nothing," Duo hissed. "Just shut up for a minute and..." He took hold of Heero's hand and pulled it down to rest on an obvious erection.

"Duo," Heero breathed in surprise.

Duo grinned in the dark as he rubbed Heero's hand on it. "We shouldn't waste a good thing here."

Heero was under the blankets almost at once, tunneling down, he positioned himself to advantage. "Don't get nervous," he warned Duo. "That'll..."

"Don't make me think about it," Duo growled. "Just... just do something with that. It's been too damned long."

They tried. Heero was awkward and uncertain, obviously nervous and not sure of his ability to please. Desire was there, though, and his mouth and tongue were eager to taste and play. Duo shivered with sensation, sighing and moaning as he curled up his hands and toes, fear of his body failing pushed under his strong need. When he came it was weak, but the orgasm tightened muscles and shifted still healing bones. He ended up curled on his side, panting through pain, while Heero hovered over him anxiously.

"I hurt you," Heero said in anguish. "I tried to be careful. I'm sorry, Duo."

"Not you," Duo managed as he held his hands to his pelvis and hip joints and tried to knead out the spasms. "Just this damned wreck of a body. Don't be sorry, because it was worth it."

Heero lay beside him, afraid to touch, but Duo curled into him. After a minute, he gave in and asked for his pills. Hero reached over to the side table to retrieve the bottle and Duo took them with shaking hands. Clinging together afterward, they both waited tensely for them to take effect.

"You know," Duo said, his hands running up and down Heero's strong back. "Once these start working, I can turn and you can... you know... I won't feel anything and you'll have a good time."

"I'll hurt you," Heero growled. "Whether you feel it or not, you will be hurt. That's not what I call a 'good time'."

"Maybe I'll like it?" Duo argued, his fingers turning into claws as he gripped at Heero. "I just want you in me, okay, so we can be a real couple."

"We are a real couple," Heero retorted. "That fact isn't based on whether I can put it in you, or not. Next your going to start saying I'm the man and you're the woman."

Duo snickered. "More like, 'my turn', if I could manage it. Nobody's being 'the girl' here, Heero. Sex is important, and we both know what kind of sex we like. Your not getting any of what you like. Hand jobs and blow jobs aren't going to satisfy you forever."

Heero wrapped and unwrapped Duo's braid around his hand, over and over again, as he tried to put into words how he felt. At last, he sighed. "This isn't about sex, Duo, it' about you feeling as if we aren't a couple, because you're injured."

Duo went sour and tense. "Say it, Heero. I'm a cripple. Injured means I'll get better."

"Duo, you're insulting me," Heero told him angrily. "You're saying I'm shallow."

"I'm saying you're human," Duo snapped back and then let out a long breath. "Okay... Let's drop this.We should be celebrating. We'll call it, 'Duo got it up day'."

Heero suddenly laughed and kissed him, letting him evade the argument entirely. "What will we do to celebrate?" He wondered.

Duo grinned. "That's easy. We'll celebrate by re-enacting the famous event."

Heero's hand slid down between them. "That I would definitely like to do."

"So, I have a fan club?" Duo snorted as he flipped through several letters and small gifts.

"The vid shows did a small piece on the 'Gundam pilot hero," Quatre told him with a soft smile. "You have admirers and people who are grateful."

Duo shook his head, bemused. While Heero and Quatre watched, Duo opened up one of the small packages. A key chain, with a kitten clutching a 'number one' felt pillow, tumbled out of white tissue. Duo turned it over in his hands, chuckling a little, and then attached it to his wheelchair.

"I don't know what to say," Duo said as he hunched in his chair in embarrassment. "I just did what needed doing."

Quatre snorted. "False modesty doesn't fit you very well."

Duo grinned. "Okay, so I think I'm hot stuff. I gave enough. I think I deserve it."

"You do," Heero agreed. He put hands to Duo's wheelchair. "Ready to go?"

Duo brushed his hands off. "I need to do that myself or I'll get lazy. And, yeah, I guess I am ready to check out Preventers again." He smoothed hands over his dress clothes to make sure that everything was in order while Quatre checked his braces and made sure that he was secure in his chair. The oxygen tank was a small one now and Duo was needing it less and less. It tucked into a case now, with the mask close to Duo's hand.

"Time to roll," Duo said, hiding his nervousness but not fooling either of his companions.

The van and the lift were gifts from Quatre. Though Duo would have like to refuse them, he knew that they were things that could allow him to drive himself in the near future. The van driver's seat had even been modified to accommodate a handicapped driver. Duo could have let it make him angry, this seeming proof that Quatre still didn't believe that he would walk again, but his taste of freedom with Wu Fei had given him a longing for more. Refusing would have been another type of self inflicted injury.

As they drove, Duo tried to relax, tried not to imagine what would happen if he couldn't manage even the small jobs that Une had lined up for him. His inactive status had been changed to active restricted duty, but that 'restricted duty' was more in line with dusting the furniture and had nothing to do with real Preventer work. Heero had given him the speech about how each job was necessary and supportive of the whole, but filing, collating, and waiting for information to download to systems didn't take skill. It was a concession to a one time war hero, maybe even a concession to the agent that he had been; a damned good one.

"Stop it," Quatre growled as he leaned forward in the back seat. "I can hear you thinking. This isn't charity."

Duo didn't argue. He didn't want to believe that it was charity. He wanted to go back to work too badly. When they pulled into the Preventer parking garage, Duo took a deep breath, steadying himself. Heero gave him a loving look that barely managed to hide his concern. "I'm okay, Heero," Duo assured him. "I promised you that I would take it easy and call you if anything went wrong."

Wu Fei and Trowa were waiting for them at the entrance. Duo felt uncomfortable with the escort. "Look, I appreciate the support, guys, but... go have coffee, or get back to work. I want to do this on my own."

Trowa nodded and turned to go, respecting his wishes, but the other three were hesitant. Wu Fei gave Duo a measuring look as he said, "You know my extension. I expect to hear from you in thirty minutes, Maxwell."

"Okay, Nanny Fei," Duo snickered with a roll of his eyes.

Wu Fei looked indignant, but he clasped Duo's shoulder before turning to go.

"That leaves you two," Duo growled as he looked from one side to the other at Quatre and Heero."All I have to do is roll this chair down three corridors and sit in an office, with a woman who's very capable of calling you for help if anything goes wrong. I have to have one physical by Sally Po, who's going to be very insulted to think that you don't trust her."

Heero kept frowning, but Quatre chuckled. "All right, Duo. Point taken." He took hold of Heero's elbow. "Stand down soldier," he told Heero sternly. "Our mission, until Duo calls us, is to have coffee and breakfast in the Preventer mess hall."

Heero gave him an irritated look and then bent to give Duo a small kiss on the cheek. "I'll be waiting," he felt the need to say.

"I'm counting on that," Duo replied, meaning more than either of them were saying.

Duo rolled down the hall and was glad when neither of them followed. It was strange to be alone. He couldn't recall the last time that he had been separated from his constant nurses and companions. It felt almost liberating, yet a bit lonely too.

People stared, trying not to stare. Some recognized him, but they seemed too stunned by his appearance to even greet him. They all had wide eyes. He gave them acknowledgment quietly, pointing towards Une's office as an explanation for his inability to stay and talk. The truth was, that he didn't want to stay and talk when they were so obviously shocked.

Une's secretary started and stood up when she saw him enter the office. Looking at him, she blinked rapidly, and then said uncertainly, "Commander Une's expecting you, Agent Maxwell. Do you... need help?"

Duo snorted, hiding his irritation. "To go through a door?"

She blushed, "Of course not, sir. I'm sorry..."

"Thanks for the offer anyway," Duo told her, suddenly sympathizing with her. In her shoes, he wouldn't have known how to deal with himself either.

Duo rolled to the door, opened it, and then rolled into Une's office. He stopped before her very large desk. She was going over some papers intently and said nothing, not even raising her eyes. Duo figited for several minutes, but knew better than to interrupt her. At last she pushed the file aside and folded her hands in front of her. She looked over her round glasses at him.

"Ready to get back to work, Maxwell?" Une asked.

Duo couldn't gage her mood. He decided to be truthful. "I can't do much."

"I didn't offer much," she said in a clipped tone. "In fact, I'll fire you the first moment that I find that you're doing anything more than the work you are assigned. Is that clear? Even with that promise, you'll still need to clear Po's physical. What I really wish to know, is will you be content in this line of work? I don't need a resentful, dissatisfied agent under my command."

Duo appreciate her straight from the hip way of dealing with him. It told him that she was expecting him to do his job, that it wasn't being given to him as a token position. "If I can do more later?" he wondered.

"If Po clears you for more duties, then I'll abide by her expert medical decision and assign you to other duties," Une promised him. She took the file folder, with accompanying tags, and badges, and slid them to Duo. "You aren't cleared for weapons. I don't expect you to carry any in your duties here."

Duo raised eyebrows incredulously, but then he gritted his teeth and nodded. "Okay, so I go without a weapon."

"Why don't I believe that?" Une shot back. "We carry weapons like a second skin, you and I, but I need you to follow orders and leave yours behind. As a clerk, you aren't cleared for one. If one of our sensors picks one up on your person, you'll see jail time. Understand?"

Duo grimaced and slowly pulled aside his jacket to reveal his under arm holster. "Want this now?"

"You aren't employed yet," Une replied, looking grimly amused. "I'll give you a reprieve until your first day of work."

"Thanks," Duo grumbled. "So, do I go check in with Sally now?"

"Yes, she's expecting you," Une replied as she stood and went to hold the door open for him. As Duo rolled through she said, "It's good to have you back again, agent Maxwell."

That made Duo smile. Halfway to Sally's medical offices, he called Wu Fei first and then Heero on his cell phone. Wu Fei was pleased, but Heero still sounded worried.

"No one's bothering me," Duo assured him, "and it's smooth going all the way there."

Heero growled," I'm not worried about your getting there, I'm worried that you won't pass her medical test. She knows you too well, Duo. She won't let you rejoin Preventers if she finds the slightest reason not to."

"She won't find anything," Duo reassured him. "Now, let me get this done. I'll call you afterward."

Duo ended his call and pocketed his cell phone as he rolled into medical.

Sally was very thorough, doing all the testing herself.

"You're trying to find something," Duo finally accused after the first hour of tests. Sitting, naked, on the exam table, he had been waiting a long time while she stared hard at xrays of his legs at a lighted table.

"Amazing," she muttered and then turned to him. "You actually ran and saved a child on these legs?"

Duo shrugged. "I don't remember much, except that it hurt like hell. The kid's mother says I ran like an arrow of God, whatever that means."

"Damned fast," Sally grunted. "And you can't stand now?"

"I'm not supposed to try," Duo grumbled. "Doctor's orders. He's worried about permanent damage if I put weight on everything too soon."

"Over cautious," Sally muttered and turned to look at the xrays again. "You are an amazing healer. I saw this same kind of healing when I had Heero under my medical supervision. I wonder if you were chosen by Doctor G because of this particular ability?"

Duo shook his head, expression going dark. "He wanted a young kid with his bones not set yet. They take Gundam stresses better than adults. He also thought that I was ruthless enough, and didn't have anything to live for. It takes a certain kind of suicidal personality to fight effectively in a war."

Sally frowned. "I might have to revise the psyche test you took earlier if you're admitting to being suicidal, you realize?

Duo smiled. "I have something to live for now. I'm not suicidal anymore."

"That's good," Sally said as she stood and faced him, "because I'm clearing you for duty. Welcome back to Preventers, Agent Maxwell."

She shook Duo's hand gingerly and then laughed as he took it more firmly.

"Better call Heero, " she suggested. "He's already called four times." When Duo frowned she snorted, "Come on, you can't really blame him? This is an important day for you. Why don't you go let him be apart of that?"

Duo's eyes widened. "I guess I've been too busy trying to get rid of my 'nurses'. I didn't think"  
"Most men don't," she pointed out sourly. "Now, get dressed, and we'll put you back in your chair. Then you can go celebrate."

"Thank you," Duo told her, becoming serious.

"I know you need this," she replied as she handed him his clothes. She couldn't help looking his body up and down as he took them from her. Too thin, scarred, and covered in the braces that he needed to hold his body together, he looked worn to the bone. "Duo, promise me you'll take it easy?"

"I will if you stop ogling me," he snickered. "I thought you were supposed to be a professional?"

She blushed. "Devil."

"A smart devil," Duo told her as he slipped on his shirt with wincing effort. "I won't mess this up."

TBC 


	9. Workdays

Kracken

Disclaimer:I don't own them and I don't make any money off of them.  
Warning:Male/male sex, duosufferitus, angst,violence, language

The Cost

Work Days

"This is not happening," Duo growled as he tried for the hundredth time to get his wheelchair unstuck from a crack in the flooring. He had avoided it going into the records basement of Preventer Headquarters, but had failed to notice it on his way out with a lap full of discs.

His cell phone was on his work desk, three levels up, discarded after yet another call by Heero to check up on him. The nearest help was up a service elevator and two hallways away.

"I'm such a moron!" Duo snarled to the empty room. He glared at the crack and the wheel. "I should sue them. This room is definitely not wheel chair accessible."

There were options open to him, of course, but the fear of failure, of ending up sprawled on the floor and unable to get up again, kept him trying to free the wheel. He could painfully imagine being found like that and his pride didn't like the image. He was trying to keep his self respect; top agent turned file shuffler.

"Goddam things should be in the system anyway," Duo grumbled as he made yet another attempt. "I'm going to kill the lazy fucker who didn't bother entering them."

Duo tapped his fingers on his chair arm, and then pounded it with one fist. Glaring hard at the wheel and then at his legs, he took a deep breath and then let it out, making a decision.

"I just have to stand up and move the chair an inch," he decided.

Duo hadn't tried to stand again since his heroic second rescue. Exercises had remained intense. A corner of his mind was sure that he could do it, yet a coward part of him was afraid that it wasn't so. He didn't want it proven to him in a spectacularly humiliating way. He didn't want his first try to be without doctors, nurses, and Heero, especially, to keep him from falling and hurting himself even more.

"Goddam wheel!" Duo snarled as he shoved the discs off his lap, gripped his chair arms, and slowly, shakily, pushed himself up.

Braces kept his legs stiff, but the joints screamed pain as his weight settled on them. Duo could feel things beginning to give. He jerked the chair forward as he plopped back down into the seat, shaking with pain and the overwhelming feeling of failure.

"Duo?" Heero's voice called in worry and his lover came into the room at a fast walk, taking in the room and then seeing Duo where he sat, face lowered in one hand.

"A couple of seconds earlier..." Duo forced through his disappointment.

"What happened?" Heero demanded, crouching by his chair. "Duo?"

"Got stuck," Duo told him shortly.

He didn't have to explain it any more than that. Heero looked down and saw the crack behind the wheel of his chair. He wasn't stupid. He put it together perfectly. "Duo," he whispered, sounding as pained as Duo felt.

"Hope you don't mind," Duo managed, "but I guess I'm going to be sitting this life out."

"You don't know-" Heero started to protest, but Duo cut him off with a sharp gesture of one hand.

"I should have been able by now, at least a little," Duo replied.

Heero snapped in exasperation, "You always make the moon your goal!" When Duo looked at him, startled, Heero gentled his voice. "You stood long enough to move your chair. I'm sorry, but I'm going to see that as a success."

Duo blinked, gnawing on his lip to still strong emotions. "I'm being a baby," he said after he felt that he could without choking. "I have to get back to work."

"Of course you do," Heero told him as he straightened and let Duo roll past him towards the door. He followed Duo into the elevator and said, "Next time, don't leave your cell phone, love. I came looking for you when you didn't answer."

Heero placed the phone in Duo's lap and kissed his cheek. Duo blushed and fiddled with the thing in his twisted hands. "I want a walker that I can take to work, Heero."

Duo expected a hot protest, but didn't get one. Instead, his request was met with quiet consideration.

"You won't always be around," Duo explained. "Maybe I can't get to the moon... just yet... but I should be able to get out of a crack in the floor."

"I'll see to it," Heero replied at last. "Something that folds to hook to your chair."

"Sounds good," Duo agreed with relief and then reached out to take Heero's hand. "Sorry. Sometimes, the mountain I have to climb, seems too damned high."

"I know, but I will always be here to give you a boost up when you need one," Heero replied with a smile. "You don't have to do it all yourself."

Duo smiled back. "Thanks, because, you know, I don't really want to climb it alone, love."

"I am officially dying of boredom," Duo sighed as he tossed his last paper airplane towards a waste basket.

He had completed his work very early, despite only being allowed four hours of work time. His trip to the Preventer's record basement had taken up one hour and finishing his duties had taken up only an hour more. A request for more work, landed on deaf ears. The secretary in charge of him, had her orders and she wasn't about to tangle with Une.

"You can go home, Agent Maxwell, if you're done with your work," she told him, patting him on the hand as if he were a four year old. He was an assistant, not really an agent any longer, but he had outranked her for a long while and old, respectful habits died hard.

"I'll talk to Une myself," Duo told her and was rewarded with a frown. He was being a bad boy and she had her own work to finish. It was true that he wasn't used to sitting for such a long time, and that he had grown used to long naps and slow, careful days, but he didn't want to cut short an already short day. That, Duo felt, would prove that he really wasn't ready for work.

"I'll recheck my work," Duo told her, which she rewarded with a relieved smile and another pat on his hand.

"Good for you, sir," she said as she turned back to her own work. "Getting record requests filled properly is very important."

Duo grimaced behind her back and then rolled his chair to the retrieval system two doors down. For a top notch outfit, the Preventers had terribly outdated systems and protocols for basic information distribution. He could think of a dozen upgrades that were necessary without breaking a sweat. Not being able to do anything outside of a sealed 'command' center gave them all a false sense of security.

"Back again, Maxwell?" Tyndan grumbled. He was a bad tempered, Preventer grunt, the kind of man who didn't have much in the way of brains outside of his one area of expertise. His expertise was making sure that his subordinates were doing their jobs. Duo doubted that he even knew what they were doing. "Just checking systems," Duo replied and tried not to make it as unfriendly as he felt. His chair wheels squeaked on the floor and several of the systems specialists looked up to watch him pass; two with annoyance and a third with a small smile of acknowledgment.

"Get it done and get back to your station," Tyndan grumbled. "My men don't need your interruptions."

The man who had smiled gave Duo a look of sympathy. Duo shrugged and rolled to a retrieval station. He glared at the old system as he checked that he had sent the information to the appropriate agent. It all checked out far too quickly.

"You know," Tyndan's voice said behind him. "They're just feeling sorry for you, giving you this pussy job."

Duo tensed. "We do have regs against language like that," Duo pointed out as he stared at his outbound report on the screen.

"I forgot," Tyndan snickered. "You don't like pussy, do you?"

Duo backed up his chair on Tyndan's foot. The man howled and shoved his chair off again, causing Duo jarring pain. "Sorry about that," Duo said through gritted teeth. "Guess I better watch more carefully."

"Damn better!" Tydan snarled as he jabbed a finger at Duo. "You got nothing to do here. Get going before I report-"

"What?" Duo asked, eyes innocent and wide. "I'm sure the vid feed will show it was an accident, right after it plays back what you just said to me."

Tyndan went red in the face. "Get the hell out!"

"Just a sec," Duo replied as he wheeled forward, hit a few keys, and then pressed send. "Okay, all done. Guess I'll go home early for the day and get out of your hair."

Tyndan didn't have any hair. Duo ignored his swearing as he wheeled out of the room and down the hallway. He was grinning as he pulled out his cell phone and dialed Heero.

"Something wrong?" Heero demanded even before Duo could say more besides, 'hi'.

"A little tired," Duo told him honestly. "I guess I need to go home for the day."

"I'll get the van and meet you in the garage," Heero replied, but then made a startled sound.

Duo played it calm. "Heero?"

"The computer system suddenly went down," Heero told him with a puzzled tone. "It looks like it's happening all over the building."

"Guess I have another reason to go home," Duo told him. "I can't work without the computers."

"This looks familiar..." Heero was saying, though, and Duo felt his gut tighten.

"What does?" Duo tried to stay calm.

"This code..." Heero went quiet and then he whispered angrily, "Duo! Why did you do this? I know that code anywhere. If you think you're going to fool Une-"

"Maxwell?" Une stood at the end of the hallway with a security detail. Her arms were crossed over her breast, her manicured nails drumming slightly. The light from the overheads were catching on her glasses, making her almost sinister.

Duo had to recall that this was the woman who had ordered him executed at one time. He chose his words carefully as he discarded a desperate plan to make his escape in his wheelchair. "I thought that Preventer systems needed a test," he finally replied as he faced her and stopped his chair from rolling towards the elevator behind her. He so dearly wanted to keep on rolling and get into it. "As you can see, it failed, and I wasn't even using a complicated virus. I didn't even need to hack into second level protocol."

Une frowned. "Did it occur to you to request this 'test' before implementing it?"

"I'm sorry, I-"

"You will return to command core and remove the virus at once," Une demanded. "We will discuss your lack of clearance after you are done."

Duo sunk miserably in his chair. "I suppose this means that I'm fired?"

Une lost her temper, "This means that you are as irresponsible as ever, Maxwell! This means that I can only expect you to continue to be a thorn in my backside as long as you are one of my men!" She regained her composure with an effort. "However, your 'test' has its usefulness. My attempts to convince higher ups that were are in need of systems upgrades has fallen on deaf ears. Perhaps now they will listen. Fix systems... but not too quickly."

She moved to enter the elevator with her men just as the doors opened and Heero came rushing out. Flustered, he tried to speak with her, but Une brushed him off and let the doors close in Heero's face. Heero then whirled on Duo.

"How could you do this, Duo?" Heero asked, more sad than angry.

"She didn't fire me," Duo told him, a little confused. "I guess I was just being myself."

"But why?" Heero demanded.

Duo sighed. "I guess I was bored... and this guy... he pissed me off... and... that system is so damned old a baby could hack it... I just..."

"Had to," Heero finished, raked a hand through his hair, and then sighed in exasperation.

"Guess I'm not going home yet," Duo told him. "I have to go and fix the mess."

"Yes, you do. " Heero leaned down and touched his forehead to Duo's. Duo was afraid that Heero was angry, but he only gave Duo a soft kiss and then chuckled lightly.

"What's funny?" Duo grumbled defensively.

"You are acting like yourself," Heero replied as he backed up towards the elevator. "I find that wonderful and frightening at the same time."

Duo laughed and Heero gave him a smile. "Shinigami's back," Duo told him and then turned his chair on the elevator as he squared his shoulders and went to face Tyndan again.

TBC 


	10. What's it Take?

Kracken

Disclaimer:I don't own them and I don't make any money off of them.  
Warning:Male/male sex, duosufferitus, angst,violence, language

The Cost

What Does It Take?

"You're having problems?" Duo frowned as he let his chair glide to a stop. "No, let me get this straight, you're admitting that you're having problems?"

Wu Fei stopped walking beside him and stared at a point beyond him, looking very uncomfortable in his Preventer uniform. "They are rough men, undisciplined. Their commander was Deakin. He could keep them under control. Now that he's out of commission, they've been unwilling to accept anyone less."

"I heard about Deakin," Duo mused. "Bad accident. Someone's ass should hang for letting that shuttle off the ground with a wing in that condition. He's lucky to be alive."

"Yes," Wu Fei agreed, finally looking at him as his temper over rode his embarrassment. "He is a very lucky man, especially to have men so loyal that they are determined to wait until his return rather than accept any other commander."

"You tried?" Duo asked sympathetically.

Wu Fei nodded, jaw tightening.

"Must have been pretty rough on you," Duo guessed. He frowned, hands smoothing over the wheels of his chair. "So, what do you expect me to do? You think they're going to let someone like me tell them what to do? Do you think I can convince them Deakin's not coming back?"

"I would like you to tell them that, if they don't do as they are told, there will be consequences," Wu Fei growled."You have worked with them before. They might listen to you."

Duo grunted, checked his watch, and then admitted, "Look, Fei, I want to help, but I'm in deep shit with Une right now. Besides, Heero's waiting to take me home."

Wu Fei became concerned, but not about any trouble that he might be in. "Are you in pain?"

Duo sighed, hating to reply, "Yeah, this was a lot more than I'm used to."

Wu Fei looked as if he were struggling with himself and then he said, "Another day, perhaps."

Duo felt his gut tighten. He didn't like being weak. He didn't like that expression on Wu Fei's face, the one that was bordering on pity. He couldn't end his day this way. "Forget Une. Forget Heero," he growled. "Let's go have a talk with your guys."

Wu Fei straightened and Duo knew that he wasn't wrong when he saw respect there. He would have crawled through broken glass to get that from him, taking a small side trip to talk to hard heads, didn't seem all that difficult.

The barracks were outside and to the rear of headquarters, sprawling buildings bordering a wide expanse of training ground. Sidewalks made Duo's passage smooth, but halfway there, Wu Fei began pushing him without comment. Duo was grateful, he was getting very tired and sore.

"Breathing all right?" Wu Fei asked cautiously as a light wind began stirring up dirt.

Duo nodded, relaxing and trying to gather his strength. When they reached a barracks, he took over the wheelchair again as Wu Fei opened the door. The agents were inside, a dozen men and several women, lounging in a state of grungy half dress, their uniforms a hodgepodge of by the book and their own style. They all scowled when Duo and Wu Fei entered, but all eyes were on Duo with a mingling of shock, pity, and a bit of awe.

Duo didn't say anything right away. He let them get used to him, ignoring Wu Fei's tense presence a step behind him. "Deakin's good," Duo finally said. "I don't blame you for not settling for less."

There were nods, eyes sparking with passion, and a few grunted 'hell, yeah!' and 'damn, right!'

"I've worked with you," Duo continued, wheeling further into the room. They circled him, looking down, wanting to know now what he had to say. "You're a crack unit. There's missions I'd only trust to people with your skill." They were glowing under the praise. He was speaking their language."That's why I'm going to suggest to Une that she promote one of you to commander."

Wu Fei's hand clamped onto the back of his chair even while cheers and whoops filled the room. A man clapped hard, grinning from ear to ear. "Tango! It's gotta be Tango!" he shouted. The call was repeated all around the room.

Tango was a serious looking agent, dark like Heero and with a file full of commendations, Duo knew. He was young, perhaps too young for consideration . He shocked the hell out of Duo, though, when he waited for a lull in the shouting and then asked, eyes intent on Duo. "Why not you?"

There was a long silence.

Duo gave him a long, level stare. "Do you think anyone else in this room wants me?" he asked at last.

The quiet continued and then Tango moved from his bunk and stood before Duo. "You're the best, not Deakin. I want the best."

There was some murmuring and confusion at that.

Duo's hands knotted in his lap. He gave the suggestion it's due, mind turning over the possibility. "Are you telling me that you're willing to have a commander lead by remote?"

"You suggested that I step up," Tango reminded him, hands going into pockets and a smile lighting his lips. "I can do the leg work and step up when it's called for, but we're all too young to be commanders. I figure, we can get what we want this way."

"Me as commander and one of you leading the actual team?" Duo rubbed the back of his head, mind still turning over logistics and electronic possibilities. He wouldn't endanger them for his own desires to lead a team again.

Wu Fei suddenly placed two devices in Duo's lap. Vid/com remotes. Duo looked up at him in shock and saw Wu Fei's superior smile. "Give him one," the man told him. "Try it out on the course."

"Now?" Duo was blinking stupidly as Tango took one of the remotes and fitted it over his head. He positioned the vid unit and then nodded at Duo. Duo fumbled with his own and put it on. He could see himself, pale and scarred, sitting in his chair, with Wu Fei beside him wearing that damnable smile.

"I can't get to the course," Duo said doubtfully.

"Men, ladies," Tango said to the room at large. Without question, everyone gathered around and lifted Duo in his chair. They carried him to the obstacle course, across soft dirt and sand pits, and then put him down on a high vantage point.

"Your call, commander," Tango told Duo and they all stepped back.

Young, strong, and with fire in their eyes, they were willing to follow Tango. Were they willing to follow his orders, though? Duo wondered. "Infiltration," Duo told them as he adjusted the mic and saw Tango nod that it was enough. "Target, scaffold B. Mclellan, Thomas, Baskins, Reno, Kawalski, Demit in Alpha team. Forward assault. Renard, Kelly, Peters, Mormon, Kavi, in support. Your team, Tango. Take them out. "

Duo kept his eyes on Tango's vid feed and listened to his running orders and reports. In a real situation, he couldn't rely on his eyes, and he didn't rely on them now. As far as this exercise was concerned, they were half a world away and on a true mission. There were stumbles and regrouping, as Duo and Tango learned to work together, but they reached the scaffold in good order.

"They are very good," Wu Fei commented.

The team was laughing and cheering their success at the top of the tower. Tango was at their center. Let him have his moment, Duo thought, and felt the bite of bitterness. That had been his place not too long ago.

"So, you planned all of this?" Duo wondered, looking at Wu Fei's pleased expression to distract himself.

"I had hopes. You limit yourself too much, my friend," Wu Fei replied. "You settle for desk work when there is so much more that you can accomplish. As you heal, this arrangement will grow better and stronger, but you will be able to lead them, not matter what may come."

"Even if I stay in this chair, you mean?" Duo asked angrily and then throttled it. He took a deep breath, let it out, and then said, "I'm sorry... You've given me something really important, Fei. I don't want to act like an asshole."

"I know, my friend," Wu Fei replied. "I also know that I wouldn't have handled this situation with nearly as much grace."

Wu Fei looked beyond Duo, blinked, puzzled, and then straightened. "I think your team wishes your attention, Commander Duo."

Duo looked up at the scaffold and then felt a wash of emotion so strong that he felt tears sting his eyes. His entire team was standing at attention and saluting him.

Duo slowly, and clearly, saluted back. The cheering started again and his team began climbing down to join him.

"Duo?" Heero met them in the hallway leading to Une's office. Duo stopped, gave Wu Fei a jerk of his chin, a clear signal to go, and waited until the man was gone, before giving Heero his attention.

"I don't want you to be angry about this," Duo began.

Heero looked anxious, crouching to be at Duo's level. "Angry?"

"Wu Fei decided to show me how much I'm capable of... or will be capable of," Duo explained. "I might be a freakin long way from leading a mission on the ground, but... Fei showed me that I can still do it by remote... that I can still give some good advice to agents... that I'm not down and out when it comes to doing what... I want to do."

Heero sighed, both hands steadying himself on the arms of Duo's wheel chair. "I'm glad that you can see that now," he replied, but then grimaced as he asked, "Did he take you to the barracks? You're so tired and in pain already..."

"I had to know," Duo replied softly, as his hand gently stroked over one of Heero's. "The other agents suggested that I lead them. Yeah, it was a plan to get what they wanted, which was to keep control of their own unit, but I think I can keep them in line, despite that, and they respect me."

Heero shook his head and said, "I should have known that a desk job wouldn't hold you. Une knew that too. You realize that she'll be very hard on you... if she allows you to do this at all? She won't jeopardize a unit if she thinks that you aren't able to lead them successfully."

"I won't do that either," Duo snapped back and then ran a hand over his face wearily. "I don't think I can face Une right now with this. I need to think. I know she still wants to tear me up over that jerk in command, but she can do that tomorrow... if she still lets me in the building. Can you take me home, Heero?"

It sounded weak, too much like a child begging, but Duo was drained completely and throbbing with pain at every point. He was beyond pride. Heero kissed him briefly and then wheeled him to their vehicle. When he had Duo settled in the passenger seat, he made sure that Duo was cushioned and sitting properly, to relieve as many pressure points as possible. Pain pills were handed out and Duo took them without question. As Heero finally pulled out of the parking garage, Duo closed his eyes and tried to endure until the pills took effect.

"Tell me what they said to you," Heero asked after a few minutes.

Duo smiled. "Just what I wanted to hear, that someone still thinks that I'm something more than mangled meat in a wheelchair." Heero made a noise of protest, but Duo pushed on, wanting him to understand. "Most people look at me, like I'm some sort of pathetic ghost, you know? A charity case. These guys... they don't bother with bullshit like that. Either you can do for them or you can't. That's all that matters, not the package you come in. They have a good man to be my second on the ground. He didn't bother lying about his goals. I think I can count on him to tell me the straight shit when he's on a mission."

"Timetable?" Heero grunted, not voicing any of the questions that he knew that Duo was already trying to answer for himself.

"Field work with remotes, as soon as I work up my stamina for just getting to work and sitting for more than a few hours," Duo replied as the drugs began making him fuzzy. "I need at least three men with aptitude in the unit before I'll consider remote leadership. One man goes down, another needs to be there to replace him. I also need to make sure there's good leadership if the remote goes down."

"Duo?"

"Heero?"

Heero reached and squeezed Duo's hand.

"I know," Duo replied to the unasked question. "I can't screw myself up again. I have to let my body tell me how much I can do... and when I can't do it at all."

"I don't want you to give up completely, just because you may not be physically ready for it," Heero told him. "You may have to do this... later."

Duo nodded, thinking about how tired he was now, and how he wanted to rest in the grip of the drugs and let the pain go. He couldn't do that during a mission, however long it took. There might be costs that his body wasn't ready to pay... yet.

Duo's cell phone rang. He fished it out of a pocket and put it to his ear. "Maxwell," he answered it, knowing who it had to be.

"Une," her voice came back, tight and unhappy. "It seems that you've been visiting one of my units. A request was placed on my desk for a remote commander by the name of Duo Maxwell to lead a particularly troublesome team of men and women. If you have the strength to recruit agents for your own unit, Agent Maxwell, then I expect you to also have the strength to report to my office when I order it. Is that clear? As for this request, I need a full plan submitted to my office, detailing your leadership strategies, qualifications, and your picks for seconds. Everything will be approved by me. I repeat that, everything, Agent Maxwell. Report to my office first thing tomorrow morning. Une out."

"Who was that?" Heero asked as Duo turned off his cell and pocketed it again, expression amused.

"Une," Duo looked at his lover with a sparkle in his eye. "She just reinstated me as an agent and wants a full run down of my remote plan. It seems that my team wants to hit the ground running. They've already submitted a request for me."

Heero looked worried. "This is... too fast, maybe."

Duo nodded. "I think so too. Don't worry, I'll slow things down."

Heero looked skeptical, knowing Duo too well, but Duo had learned his lesson, several times, about doing more than his healing body was capable. He didn't want to spend any more time in the hospital having joints re-inbedded with pins and strapped with new braces.

"You're smiling," Heero pointed out, amused.

"It's the drugs," Duo snorted as he closed his eyes and let himself drift.

"It's still good to see," Heero chuckled. "I'd like to see more of it."

"Then stick around, buddy," Duo told him, still smiling, "and keep sticking around."

"I intend to," Heero promised.

TBC 


	11. Speaking Of You

Kracken

Disclaimer:I don't own them and I don't make any money off of them.  
Warning:Male/male sex, duosufferitus, angst,violence, language

The Cost

Speaking of You

"Well, tell me!" Duo shouted.

The doctor jumped and turned from the scans of Duo's bones. He fiddled with his glasses and then began to reply, "I want to be cautious about this-"

"Just say it!" Duo shouted again, ignoring Heero's grip on his shoulder. "I don't want to be coddled like a baby."

"Your bones are handling the grafts and infusions well," the doctor replied slowly. "There is a definite improvement in the damaged areas. There is not, however, as much improvement as I would like to see."

"Which means, in plain speak, that you're afraid of taking off a brace and having my body collapse," Duo retorted, hands working on the arms of his wheelchair. "You're afraid of bones snapping like twigs and having a huge lawsuit on your hands... and a killer ex gundam pilot boyfriend taking you out in revenge... am I getting warm here?"

The doctor swallowed audibly and then gave a tight nod. Duo turned his wheelchair abruptly. "Heero," he ordered. "Take all of the braces off. This is my decision."

Heero went very thoughtful, staring at the doctor, and then at the scans, and then he gave a tight nod as he bent to the task. When the braces were in a pile on the floor, Duo closed his eyes and gave a sigh of relief.

"Now," Duo ordered, "Scratch all of the places that have been itching since forever."

Heero chuckled as he gently scratched pink scars and the welts from the braces.

"I'm not going to jump up and run a marathon, "Duo promised the doctor, "but nothing is going to get better if I'm relying on braces to do the work of my muscles.

"How are you feeling?" Heero wanted to know as Duo made pleased sounds.

"Like I've been set free," Duo replied, but then he looked at Heero and added truthfully, "The left hip hurts pretty bad. That hip joint hasn't been allowed any play."

"It should improve," the doctor jumped in, re-asserting himself. "but if you feel a tearing, you should call me at once. There is still a real possibility that you might suffer clots and hemorrhaging."

"Yeah, the usual," Duo grumbled. He turned his chair towards the door of the doctor's office, giving the doctor an absent wave. "Later. Let's get out of here, Heero."

As they made their way out of the doctor's office and towards their van, Heero asked softly, "The pain is bad, isn't it?" He began pushing Duo, not waiting for the answer, but Duo didn't protest, simply sat hunched in his chair.

"Everything, aches," Duo replied. "It'll get better."

Heero nodded, though Duo couldn't see it, but then he said, "This is about leading those agents, isn't it?"

Duo tensed, but then he nodded. "Yeah, guilty as charged, but, you know, it was time, Heero, and you know it. That doctor would have kept me strapped for the rest of my life. He was too chicken to make the decision."

Everything could go so terribly wrong, Duo thought, as he tried to ride through the pain. Bones could shift, break, come out of sockets, or simply crumble under the pressure of his own weight. He joked, and acted tough, but they both knew that he had made a very dangerous decision.

"Those agents deserve as good as they can get," Duo said as Heero began getting him into the van, "and I deserve it too," he amended. "I went into this doing what they all told me I couldn't... ever. Time to take that chance again, to believe that I can do this."

Heero was very quiet as he strapped Duo in. Duo grew worried until Heero smiled, saying, "I know better than to argue." Heero chuckled and Duo laughed.

"Feels good," Duo murmured as Heero rubbed sore muscles. He didn't have the talent, really, but he could be firm and gentle when it was called for and Duo needed the touch more than any relief it gave his overworked body.

Stretched out on the bed, naked and feeling better and better, Duo smiled lazily at Heero. "You know what I want right now?"

Heero gave him an amused look. "I can imagine."

"Been awhile," Duo complained, trying not to sound so needy.

"You've been in pain," Heero reminded him. "It didn't seem the smart thing to do."

"Guess not." Duo ran a hand up Heero's arm, fingers walking along skin. He tugged at Heero's shirt sleeve when he reached it. "I feel good right now."

"Endorphines," Heero replied. "You just had a complete workout with your therapist. You're not feeling the pain yet."

Duo went quiet, his eyes pinched, remembering all too well how his sessions had used to end. His hand tightened on Heero's shirt. "I get it," he said softly and then let Heero go, eyes turning toward the wall. Who would want sex with those memories so prominent in both of their minds?

"Don't be stupid," Heero growled, guessing at Duo's thoughts and leaning down to be close to Duo's face. "I just don't want to hurt you."

"Maybe I need a little hurting?" Duo said, facing him again. "Maybe it's worth it?"

"Not to me," Heero replied harshly and then sighed when he saw Duo's hurt expression. "No, not like that. I meant, nothing is worth hurting you for. I can't do it."

"Oh," Duo said in a small voice and then gave Heero a sexy grin. "What if I didn't let you hurt me? What if I promised to say stop..."

"You wouldn't," Heero knew and traced a thumb along the scars on Duo's face. They were almost all gone now, removed by skin treatments and operations. His handsome features were becoming clear again, though the slight bend to his nose would always be there now.

Duo said in frustration, "Okay, so we still don't take the ride, but we can still play around, right?"

Heero smiled. "I thought we were."

Duo smirked,"Oh, you were leading up to something and I ruined it?"

"Ruined it? Not yet," Heero replied as he began to rub along Duo's body again.

It was hard to battle against the weariness caused by the therapy, but the interest was there. Duo groaned as Heero's hands moved to more personal spaces and clothing was suddenly being taken off.

"Yeah," Duo urged as Heero's lips wrapped around his erection. Hot, moist, tight. It was mind blowing enough even without the added bonus of having the man he loved doing it. It wasn't hard to convince Heero to let him return the pleasure. Heero kept it slow and easy, but it didn't steal the power of the orgasm that he wrung out of Duo at the end. Duo repaid him by sucking him down to the last drop, heedless of anything, but giving Heero his best.

Stretched out together and catching their breath afterward, Heero suddenly turned to Duo, captured his face in his hands and said with complete conviction. "I love you, Duo, more than anything in this world."

Duo trembled under the assault of those words. "I don't know how you can feel that way about me."

Hero kissed him, almost rolling over onto Duo to deepen it, but mindful not to hurt him. They mingled the taste of their bodies on their tongues, both of them trembling now.

"Love you, too," Duo breathed and then sucked on Heero's tongue.

Heero groaned, the sound seeming to vibrate through them both, and then he was gathering Duo, carefully, close to him, nuzzling into the curve of Duo's neck as Duo tried to kiss what he could reach of Heero's face.

"I almost lost this," Heero breathed. "I almost lost you. Don't ask me how I can love you. Don't doubt that I do."

Duo reached and comforted Heero, feeling that the man was strung out on a strong emotion, one that he was beginning to feel himself. His emotion of happiness, of 'being that damned lucky', was wrapped with pain, though, and bitterness. Why did he have to lose so much to get something as important as Heero?

Duo's body wanted to drag him down into sleep, but Duo denied it. Instead, he let his hands wander over his lover until he stirred the fire again and made them both forget the dark bedfellow who lay at the heart of their happiness.

"So?" Wu Fei asked, looking from Duo to Heero with a black eyebrow arched.

Duo opened his hand and showed Wu Fei the star patches that were to go onto the sleeves of his Preventer uniforms.

Wu Fei glowed, hands clapping together in relief. "Oh, my friend, I am so glad for you!"

"It came with a lot of restrictions," Heero tempered, "but Une had to admit that Duo was capable of carrying out his duties in this situation."

Duo put a patch on one arm and admired it. "I still have to do some mission scenarios that need a hundred percent success rates, but I'm not worried. My people are the best and they know what's at stake here. They want their group to stay intact and they need me to do that."

"We should celebrate," Heero suggested.

Wu Fei nodded. "We should call everyone to attend."

Duo looked reserved. He put his patches into his lap and wheeled to the window of Wu Fei's office to look out at the training field. "I don't want to jinx it..."

Wu Fei cocked his head knowingly and moved to stand beside Duo. "You're afraid of failing," he said softly. "You don't want everyone to know it when you do."

Duo shrugged. "Well, it's a hell of a lot bigger fall when you have a bunch of people rooting for you. This way, I can just slink away."

"No," Heero argued and joined them at the window. "If you don't believe in yourself, they won't either."

Duo rubbed the back of his neck and then made an exasperated sound, "All right! Whatever. Let's party, I guess."

Wu Fei smiled and Heero nodded. "Something large," Wu Fei said at the same time that Heero said, "Something small." They looked at each other, confused. Duo laughed at them as he wheeled away from the window.

"Heero's doesn't want me to wear myself out and Wu Fei wants everyone to know I'm doing okay," Duo snickered.

"You should be honored for your success," Wu Fei pointed out.

"But he shouldn't have to feel the need to tire himself hosting a large affair," Heero retorted.

"We are having a large affair," Duo reminded him, but it was a moment before Heero 'got it' and blushed.

Wu Fei pulled out his cell phone, as if it had all been decided. "A large party, then..."

"No," Duo told him firmly. "A middle sized party. That way, you can both be happy. Make sure there are beer and chips, too."Then he said under his breath, "Not that anyone will come."

Both Heero and Wu Fei froze in consternation and then Heero asked, "Why would you think that, Duo?"

Duo gave them a knowing look. "I am a cripple. People have been avoiding me because I make them sick when they look at me. I pretty much told a lot of people to fuck off, too. I don't see anybody coming to the party except the five of you, and even Trowa might make an excuse not to go."

"You're wrong," Wu Fei assured him. You weren't looking closely at people at the gun range, if you believe that."

"That was a pity party and you know it," Duo growled back. "I don't think I want an even bigger one."

Wu Fei leaned down, with both hands on the arms of Duo's wheelchair. "You're wrong, and I'm going to prove it to you."

TBC 


	12. Force of Will

Kracken

Disclaimer:I don't own them and I don't make any money off of them.  
Warning:Male/male sex, duosufferitus, angst,violence, language

The Cost

Force of Will

"Stop your goddam hotdogging!" Duo shouted into his mic. "One more man thinks that he can do it on his own, and he'll be doing it on his own flipping burgers at Burger Bart's down the road!"

"Yes, sir," Tango's voice came back to him with a snicker. His message was related and there was a snide comment about hot shots on wheels.

"I heard that!" Duo growled back. "Make him run thirty laps, Now!"

The order was relayed and Tango muttered, "Baskin's an asshole, Commander, but a good guy. He actually has a signed pic of you under his pillow."

"... and I kiss it every night, too!"Baskin interjected with a chuckle.

"Right now, you're trying to kiss my backside and I don't care," Duo snapped back."Get him running and that's an order!"

"Yes, sir," Tango replied promptly and shouted the order.

Duo watched his team run their course from the confines of a newly added cement track that ran alongside it. He felt tired, but he would never admit it, because he felt revived, as well, alive, and where he belonged. Almost, he corrected himself. He was close to where he belonged. His element was out there on the field and with the men.

"You're showing remarkable restraint, Maxwell," Une said as she came to stand beside him.

"The chair won't go into the dirt... yet," Duo told her without taking his eyes off his men. "I am getting a modified version made."

"Not now, though?" Une guessed.

Duo made a face. "I still want to wait... give it some more time. Why buy equipment that I might not need?"

Une sighed and then she rocked on her heels for a moment. At last, she said, "Don't cripple yourself now, in the hopes of some better 'later'."

Duo's hands tightened on his wheelchair arms.

"By the way," Une told him, "I'm RSVPing my invitation to your party. I'll be looking forward to it."

Duo hadn't know that Heero and Wu Fei had invited her. He flicked eyes at her in amazement, not sure what to say to that.

She had her hair up in a tight bun, her glasses flashing in the sunlight. A small smile was on her face as she watched the agents on the course. Duo wondered if she were enjoying tongue tying him.

"They're almost ready for a field assignment," Duo told her, wanting to change the uncomfortable subject.

Une cocked her head slightly. "Not yet, I think. Perhaps a small, local, policing situation first."

Duo glared. "They aren't going to like that."

"That's the trick, isn't it?" Une asked, "To make them do what they don't want to... for you... for Preventers... for the peace."

Duo blinked and then said, "I... That sounds right." Which sounded stupid. Duo didn't like either sounding stupid or being at a loss for words.

"I'll have the assignment on your desk later today," Une told him. She nodded towards the field, then, and said primly, "Your men need some direction, Commander."

Duo turned back to the course just as Tango started yelling for agents to shut the hell up and listen to him. They were tangled at one obstacle and gesticulating angrily. One man was covered in mud from the 'trap'.

"What the hell?" Duo shouted into his mic. "Do I have to diaper all of you? Even first year agents don't miss that one!"

His leg hurt like hell. Something during therapy had gone very wrong, but Duo hadn't wanted to show it, hadn't wanted to miss out on this, his very first mission with his squad. He gritted his teeth, refused to take pain pills, and chewed on a stylus instead as he tried to watch every move Tango observed. In a command van, not far from the scene, Duo tried not to direct Tango as if he were a remote camera. He was his commander in the field and he had to respect that. Duo had to settle for a running commentary of whatever information Tango thought that he should know.

"People are a little edgy," Tango told him. "Group one is protesting the ban on iriduim 3 used in mining operations. I have a man watching them close. Group two is protesting the intended storage facility for contaminated fuel rods from the war, but they're looking orderly . Group three... something about Indonesian muskrats... I'm not sure what they're talking about... anyway, I'm putting them on the highest threat level, with three men on watch. They must feel strongly about displaced muskrats..."

Duo tried to ease his leg. The knee felt swollen. The computer stylus was getting marks from his teeth. He hated babysitting politicians. Agents shouldn't risk their lives, so that a person could stump for re election, he thought irritably, especially when they could have done it just as effectively on a vid screen.

"Tango, those people to your right..." Duo waited until the vid panned that way. "See them? The five men with coats? Either they're punks making a fashion statement, or they're hiding something. It's too damned hot for that crap. Tell-"

"Shit!" Tango exclaimed and the vid jogged as he took a few running steps. A fight had erupted between two different groups of protesters.

"Get in there!" Tango was ordering."Baskin! Take your team-"

"Belay that order!" Duo shouted. "Take your men and find those-"

"Shit," Tango shouted again. "One of them has a club. Baskin!"

Duo shouted into the com, "You'll follow my orders, goddam you, and follow them now!"

"But-"

"Fuck your but!" Duo snarled. "Get your men where I tell you or-" He was already checking the cartridge in his handgun and about to wheel for the door, ignoring the stammered protests of his two aids in the van with him, when Tango replied, "Your orders, sir!"

The vid panned and then jogged as Tango began running and shouting, "Move it agents! I want everyone locked and loaded. Shut up! I have my orders! Yeah, I know people are getting the crap beat out of them, but Commander's orders, dumbshit!"

The group of coated individuals were gone from their former position and moving as a group towards the podium. Duo saw them as darker flecks of color flowing through the crowd ahead of Tango.

Duo barked into the com. "We have a level one! I repeat, a level one!" He reached for the controls to the door and the ramp that would get him out of the van, but a hand descended on his wheelchair and one of the aids said, looking unsure of himself, "Sir, you should stay here."

Duo almost swore at him, beyond frustration, but he knew that the man was right. He couldn't do anything to help on the ground. He had to control the urge to be a part of the action. Wheeling back, he saw his agents fan out and then close in. The targets were careless, believing that their distraction, the fight between protestors, had worked to draw the agents away. They barely had time to try and get their weapons into position before they were being taken down.

Duo had three full minutes, watching the crazy bob and tilt of Tango's vid, as the man worked with his fellow agents to handcuff and disarm the men. He heard heavy breathing, curses, people in the crowd scattering and crying out in alarm, and a steady voice reading them their rights.

"Would you shut the fuck up, so I can read you your fucking rights?" Tango snarled at one man who seemed eager to shout at the crowd his political opposition to the candidate. "Don't make me get cited for police brutality now..."

"All secure," Tango reported at last as he stood and the vid steadied.

"Turn them over to lock up and get back into positions," Duo ordered, feeling relief make him shake."These men may only be a part of the planned attack."

"Yes, sir," Tango replied.

"Good job," Duo told him. "Tell everyone else, good job."

"I almost fucked up," Tango told Duo critically. "You're the man of the hour. Guess that's why you're commander and I'm not."

"Experience," Duo told him. "You'll learn."

"Yes, sir," Tango replied and Duo could hear the grin.

Duo realized that he was still gripping his handgun tightly. He eased off and holstered it. He looked up at the two men waiting anxiously for orders. "Thanks," he told the one who had stopped him.

"I can understand," the man replied. "I want to run out there sometimes too, but they're counting on us to give them info."

Duo nodded, feeling embarrassed. He rubbed at his aching knee. It was definitely swelling and feeling hot. Heero would have something to say about that, but he needed to finish his mission. Wheeling back to his command station, he began giving orders again.

"Duo..." Heero swallowed hard as he faced Duo. "Why didn't you say something?"

Duo had his head tucked down, bangs hiding his eyes. Words choked in his throat. Sitting on the crinkly white paper over the exam table, it made small noises as he trembled with reaction. The doctor was standing off to one side with his report, looking grim.

The doctor sighed and decided to step in. "We need to operate at once. The knee has to be drained, the bioparts repositioned, and..." He stopped, slapped his computer clipboard onto a thigh in frustration, and then said bluntly, "The leg might have to be amputated. I won't sugar coat this. If there's too much rejected tissue, and too much infection, and I do suspect that there is, Mr, Maxwell, that is the only course."

"It felt better," Duo finally gritted out. "I thought it was okay..."

"You are held together by wires and bioparts!" Heero exploded. "How could you think that any injury would be a small one, something to be ignored? I can't believe..." He covered his face with his hands, scrubbed hard, and then turned away. "You did this to yourself. That goddam job was more important to you than your health."

"No," Duo replied in a small voice, hands clenched in his lap. "I'm just tired of being cut open, of going backward. I guess I convinced myself it would be okay..." He couldn't help the trembling in his voice as he asked, eyes still down, "Will you still love me... even with one leg?"

He was almost crushed in Heero's embrace then and Heero choked on a sob as he hid his face in the nape of Duo's neck. He said harshly, "Of course, you stupid bastard!"

A small, almost hysterical, laugh escaped Duo, before he could throttle it. He took a deep breath, found the core of his strength, and said to the doctor, "Let's operate."

Duo pulled uncomfortably at the collar of his dress shirt. He wheeled his chair away from the window and tried not to let it hurt. Of course no one would come to a party for him. Food was piled high on a long table, music was playing softly, and Heero and Wu Fei were still making things perfect, as if they still believed that people would show.

"No one likes to be early," Heero said, as if reading Duo's mind. He bent and tied a red carnation into the lapel of Duo's jacket.

"No one likes to go to a party, where the main attraction looks like a poster child for a charity," Duo retorted. "Please give to the 'Impulsively Heroic' fund, we're running out of splints and bandaids."

Wu Fei chuckled as he positioned napkins near a punch bowl. In a very expensive black on black tux, with a nehru collar, he looked very handsome. Heero had chosen a more informal, red, dress shirt and black slacks, but he seemed even more handsome to Duo. "Calm him down, Yuy," Wu Fei urged. "He's going to exhaust himself before the party even begins."

"He's right," Heero told Duo. "Relax. How is the leg?"

Duo guiltily put a hand over it. It was braced and healing, stuck out straight in a leg prop on the wheelchair. "Hurts," he admitted.

Heero looked pensive for a moment and then said, "I don't know what to say about it, you realize?"

"Because you don't want to seem to be praising me for being stupid?" Duo guessed. When Heero nodded, he sighed. "Yeah, well, I'm not patting myself on the back, either. It doesn't make it all good, just because they discovered stuff was messed up anyway. I was getting close to losing a hell of a lot more than the lower half of my leg."

Heero was pale as he crouched down to be at Duo's level. "You have to do everything right or..." he couldn't finish and Duo caressed his cheek.

"I know. " Duo looked around at the party decorations, wondering why he was even going through with it. It had been reduced to fit into their home, but it still seemed more than he was ready to handle just then. Antibiotics, regen injections, vitamin enhancers, and at least a half dozen procedures that had to be performed every other day to insure that he didn't lose himself below the waist. The damage had gone as far as his pelvis, a creeping death, that had been silently trying to murder him for some time.

"What are we celebrating again?" Duo wondered, hearing the bitterness in his own voice.

"You," Wu Fei reminded him firmly. "So, relax and indulge us."

There was a knock on the door. Duo jumped despite himself. "Relax," Heero reminded him. "You don't have to do anything, except be the center of attention."

Wu Fei opened the door and Une stepped in, handing him a non alcoholic bottle of wine and a dish of pastry. "Sorry, I'm late," she said without a blink at their still empty home. "Traffic." She breezed over to Duo, looked down at him with a smile, and said archly, "How is the man of the hour?"

"Recovering," Duo told her. "Guess you'll have to find another commander for my squad."

"I don't think that's necessary, yet," she replied as she repositioned her glasses. "I think your dry run was a success. I'd like to pursue it further... when you're better, of course."

Duo wanted to snap back, 'And when would that be?' but he held back. Those agents had become important to him. He didn't want to give them up. He realized that it was unrealistic, that he very well might lose his fight with his body, but he was too stubborn to contemplate that defeat.

There was another knock at the door. Heero answered it that time and Quatre and Trowa came in. Quatre with a fine bottle of wine and Trowa with baked bread.

"Forgive us for being late," Quatre apologized. "I hope we haven't missed anything?"

"Nothing yet," Heero assured him with a smile.

Trowa came over to Duo, hands in pockets, and looked him over, one eye hidden behind his bangs. "Something for you," he said in a soft voice. He pulled a gift out of his pocket and put it into Duo's lap.

"What is it?" Duo asked, still shocked that Trowa had come at all. The man had been strangely absent most times that Quatre had visited.

"I had a friend once," Trowa told him, "who was badly injured. A trapeze accident." He seemed pained, his words becoming hesitant. "That's why... It's hard for me to see you like this... It's not because I've forgotten our friendship. You remind me... he didn't die well..."

Duo looked at the thing in his lap, turning it over and over. "A panic button?"

"A silent one," Trowa said. "One that won't alert anyone, but... a friend. Much more discrete than a cell phone. You can program it to send your location when you push the button."

Duo smiled and fisted it. "You know me pretty good, don't you? Yeah, I didn't want to call a few times... because I didn't want people knowing."

"The price of being proud," Trowa replied with a small chuckle. "My friend had that same pride."

"Thank you," Duo told him, "For coming, for this."

Trowa smiled and nodded just as more people began coming through the door.

"Let's get this party started!" Kirkland crowed as he came through the door with a six pack of beer and a bag of chips.

"If you get your ass out of the door, maybe the rest of us can come the hell in!" Jenks growled in mock anger and pushed the man through so that he and Duo's squad could enter. Tango grinned and gave a small, thumbs up, sign to Duo.

Duo couldn't help grinning back as Heero came to squeeze his shoulder and say, "Just for a little while and then you'll need to rest," he warned. "Everyone knows that this won't be a long party."

Quatre fairly beamed and called loudly, "Speech, Duo?"

"Wait for us!" More agents squeezed into the room and Heero and Wu Fei both frowned. It was clear that these agents hadn't been on the shortened list of the invited. They were joined by others.

"I don't think..." Heero began, but was drowned out by the rising noise of people greeting each other and Duo enthusiastically.

"Hey!" Duo called out and everyone fell silent to look at him worriedly. "I'm supposed to make a speech," Duo continued, grinned, and then shouted, "Thanks for coming, everyone! Make yourselves at home! Don't mind me if I fall asleep on you, doctors orders, but I expect you to keep partying, okay!" There were wild cheers.

Heero almost protested, but Duo took his hand and squeezed it hard. "I'm a big boy," he told Heero. "I'm not going to be stupid anymore. Let'em have their fun and let me enjoy... knowing... knowing that they didn't forget about me."

Heero was suddenly down and holding him, only a moment, both of them needing the contact, and then Jenks and Kirkland were laughing and wanting to 'cut in', wheeling Duo to greet his guests and giving a wink and a raised hand in silent vows to Heero that they would take care of Duo.

Heero let them go, as hard as it was to trust anyone else with him. He watched his fragile Duo laugh, mingle, and gain back some of the life lost by his latest battle with his own body. His inner strength would never cease to amaze Heero and it gave him hope, hope that they would, eventually, reach that light at then end of the tunnel. It might not be as bright as they wished, but Duo made him believe that it would be brighter than anyone predicted. Someone with that much determination couldn't fail... not completely.

TBC 


	13. Care Packages

Kracken

Disclaimer:I don't own them and I don't make any money off of them.  
Warning:Male/male sex, duosufferitus, angst,violence, language

The Cost

Care Packages

"Duo?" Heero smiled as he leaned in close to grip Duo's hands over the doctor's report clutched against Duo's chest. "Are you are all right?"

Duo sniffled, nodded jerkily, and then grinned back. "It's just..." He couldn't go on, closing his eyes tightly to control his emotions.

"If you're done getting my clipboard wet, Mr. Maxwell," the doctor chuckled as he teased it out of Duo's hands, "we'll get you ready to take that drain tube out."

"I'm really clear?" Duo asked, opening his eyes and giving Heero and the doctor a suddenly dangerous look full of tears."You aren't lying to get me into the operating room?"

"I wouldn't lie about this, not even to save your life," Heero replied steadily, his grip on Duo's hands tightening. "Every decision is yours, Duo. No one here is ever going to take that away from you. You are definitely clear of infection. You are definitely not going to lose any limbs."

"A damned miracle, if you ask me," the doctor interjected. "I've never seen anyone respond to medications so well. Once your system was given the right combinations of drug therapy, it cleaned house completely. In fact," He scratched his head, perplexed, "I think the infection was introduced through a faulty injector during one of your operations and had nothing to do with bio rejection at all."

Anger flitted across Duo's face, but then he pushed it away, filing it as a something that needed to be dealt with later. "I don't want to be set back any more," he said with determination. "I'll come back here every freakin' day if I have to, to make sure this shit doesn't happen again."

"You simply have to monitor your temperature," the doctor softly retorted as he redied Duo to be taken out of his room, "and pay attention to any new pain, hot spot, or swelling. The hard truth is, Mr. Maxwell, that your body was giving you ample warning that something was seriously wrong. You chose to ignore it."

Duo ground his teeth, but Heero's pained expression kept him from becoming defensive. The doctor was right. Perhaps a machine was at fault for his troubles, but it didn't have to get that serious. He had long ignored that creeping swelling and pain, telling himself that it hadn't been any different from his general pain. "Let's get this over with," he said briskly, deciding that ending that conversation was for the best. He couldn't win it and losing it was too upsetting. "I want this damned tube out."

"I can do this. I'm not a damned baby," Duo growled. He needed to fill a prescription and Heero was out, on a forced day away from Duo and the need to constantly attend to him. The argument over that had been loud and long, especially since everyone who usually kept an eye on Duo during Heero's absences, were otherwise occupied. Finding the nearly empty bottle of syrup, and his lone inhaler, for his sensitive lungs had capped a day that had left Duo feeling his dependency keenly, and all of his assurances to Heero, to the contrary, like lies.

His attempt at cooking a pot of soup, intended for Heero's return, later that day, had ended with a pan filled with the smoking ruin of dehydrated meat and vegetables. Duo had fallen asleep, waking in a panic when the smoke alarm had gone off. Choking on the smoke, he had spent far too long getting his oxygen tank and mask from where they had been stored. He hadn't needed them for some weeks and had opted to take them off of his chair. Battling with the burned soup, and his choking, hacking fit, had not been pleasant. It had left him sick and exhausted. He had spent nearly two hours near an open window and with his front door propped open. His irritated lungs needed drugs to soothe them. What he had on hand wasn't going to be enough.

"It's just a few blocks down," Duo argued with himself as he fumbled to hook the oxygen onto his wheelchair. If he took his medications, and was careful, he could get there and back before they became ineffective. Begging a neighbor wasn't an option. He was afraid that they would call an ambulance, or worse, his doctor. That man would not only call the ambulance, but keep him under observation all night long. It was better to deal with a few blocks journey, and a pharmacist who wouldn't look over his counter, and come to any conclusions about the state of the customer he was dispensing pills to.

Not having his leg stuck out in a support cast made the ordeal easier, but Duo still had to dress himself in warm clothing and get himself comfortably strapped down into his chair. A fall out of his chair, on concrete or asphalt, was a real fear. Getting stuck somewhere, without anyone willing to help him, was another. Duo made certain that his walker was attached to his chair as well, though he hadn't really put it to the test. He still had a red light when it came to putting any weight on his still healing joints.

Duo slipped on fingerless, leather gloves, to spare his hands on the wheels of his chair, and jammed a cold sports drink beside him. Prescription in hand, he made the call to the pharmacy, and then wheeled out of his home.

Easy, Duo thought as he negotiated the elevator, and then was helped out of the front door by a man walking through, and distractedly holding it open for him, while he text messaged on his cell phone with his free hand.

"Thanks," Duo told him, but the man was already hurrying down the sidewalk.

Duo snorted and then took a long look up and down the busy street. It was strange to be alone. Even stranger not to have someone hovering and ready to attend to his every need. Instead, people rushed by him, pointedly ignoring the scarred man in the wheelchair, as if he were embarrassing, or too hard to deal with.

A chill breeze ruffled Duo's bangs and it was painful to shiver. It reminded him that he needed to hurry. Rolling down the uneven, cracked sidewalk, he struggled, having to push hard on the wheels and dodge potholes. There was nothing he could do about the sudden rises of sidewalk, though, that made forward progress almost impossible. He had to shove down on the wheels hard to get over them and a finger of fear kept him wondering if he would find a rise that he couldn't negotiate.

Reaching the door of the pharmacy brought with it a problem that Duo had forgotten. The door was too narrow. He stared at it in disbelief, and then began knocking on it with his knuckles in a fit of anger. When a young girl opened it tentatively, and looked down at him with wide eyes, he shoved his prescription and his credit card into her hands.

"You are a goddam pharmacy!" Duo growled. "Get a freakin new door or I'll call the city and have you cited!"

"Y-Yes, sir," the girl stammered and then disappeared into the shop with a jingle of bells hanging over the door. It seemed forever until she reappeared with a packaged and his card. "Sorry, sir," she apologized. "I've said something to the owner several times about the door."

"Thank you," Duo replied, softening and trying not to take out his frustration on her.

"Sir?" Duo looked up into very awe struck, cornflower blue, eyes. "Are you Duo Maxwell, the man who saved those two children? The Gundam pilot?"

Duo felt a flush of embarrassment. "Yes," he replied uncertainly.

It was her turn to blush. "I hope that they gave you a bunch of awards. You deserve them."

"Uhm... thanks," Duo managed.

Her blush deepened, she looked at a loss for anything else to say, and then retreated back into the shop in embarrassment.

Duo grunted, not sure what to think about having notoriety for something other than being a terrorist, and then began wheeling back to his apartment. When a man stepped in front of him, and put a foot out to stop his wheelchair, Duo was startled. He looked up at a grim face and knew at once that he was in trouble.

"Didn't jail teach you anything?" Duo wondered.

"You do what you know," the man replied. "I've been watching your buddy, waiting for my chance to get even. He seems real attached to you. I think I'll start getting my payback out of your hide."

"You and who else?" a young boy leaned on the back of Duo's wheelchair, his gang ranging behind him. Duo recognized the punk who had cut his air hose. "We're the only ones who can beat up on ugly here, got that?"

The man slipped hands into his coat pockets, not looking daunted at all. "You'll walk away, if you know what's good for you."

"Yeah?" The boy asked, "What'll you do if I don't?"

"Blow a hole between your eyes," the man replied calmly, confident that he was in the position of power. "I have a gun. I'll use it."

The boy cocked his head and scowled. "You want us to just walk away, so you can take gimp here into an ally and ... what?"

The man smiled and it was full of violence. "Rebreak every bone in his body for starters..."

"Yeah, that right?" the boy snickered and held up a cell phone. He said into it, "You get that cop? Here's his pic while you're on the line." He pointed the cell at the man and took several pictures. The man swore, and then turned and ran. "He's going up East street," the boy reported. "Better go catch him."

The boy put away his cell and turned his head to look at Duo, still leaning on his chair to be at Duo's level. "That little kid you saved from getting run over. He was my little brother," he told Duo seriously. "I owe you. Now get your ugly, hero butt home, so people don't mess with you any more."

Duo chuckled. "My plan exactly."

"Everything go all right?" Heero asked anxiously before he even removed his coat. Duo was sitting and stirring his second try at soup. He couldn't help looking pale and exhausted, or hide the fact that he had his oxygen strapped to his chair again. He also couldn't hide the smell of burned soup from his first attempt.

"I'm not a cook," Duo announced as Heero leaned down and gave him a kiss on the forehead. "But I think I managed soup. Considering what I had to go through, though, I have to say that I think I'll pass up making any more for awhile. Hope you don't mind?"

"Duo?" Heero prompted, needing to know more, but Duo was already motioning him to get the soup off the stove and wheeling away.

"So, what did you do today?" Duo asked, as he began fishing in a drawer for spoons.

"I went to the gym, the shooting range, and drove thirty miles," Heero replied, but refused to be distracted. "What happened, Duo?"

"Thirty miles?" Duo stubbornly said as he took the spoons to the table. "What for?"

"Because it made me feel good. I like to drive," Heero replied as he put the soup on the table, but then he went pale when he caught sight of the prescription packages. "You... went out... to get these?"

"Yeah," Duo grunted. "A quick roll there and back. Nothing major. I didn't have to throw myself under a bus, or anything. either. God was nice to me today." He winced at the white lie, but wasn't willing to worry Heero and undo all the good that his day to himself might have given him. "I did have a few words about that damned door at the pharmacy, though. I'm going to call the city. It should be wide enough for their customers to get through."

Duo rolled to their bed and Heero came to help him get into it. Sighing as his healing body was suddenly relieved of weight and the need to keep upright, Duo closed his eyes as Heero sat beside him and worked off his shoes. "Do you mind if I just sleep?" Duo mumbled around his weariness. "The soup was for you... I'm not really a fan of soup."

"Do you need your oxygen?" Heero wondered as he found impressions from the chair and began pushing back Duo's pants legs to examine them and make certain that they weren't bruises, or worse, sores.

"No,"Duo replied and said through a yawn, "Stop feelin' me up, H'ro. Wanna sleep."

"You do know how stupid you were today?" Heero asked softly, as his fingers began rubbing to ease the impressions. "It doesn't make me confident about leaving you alone again."

"Tough shit..." Duo snorted. "I was damned careful... not a pr'blmmm...problem. Seven babies and a nunn could'a fallen under a cement mixer and I would'a kept on rollin'..."

"Why don't I believe that?" Heero wondered.

"Why don't'cha?" Duo slurred as sleep began to claim him.

"Maybe because of the note stuck to the back of your chair?" Heero replied.

"Note? What's it say?" Duo wondered.

"Property of Jordan's gang."

Duo snickered and then let sleep take him under with Heero's kiss on his lips.

TBC 


	14. Unfailing

Kracken 

Disclaimer:I don't own them and I don't make any money off of them.  
Warning:Male/male sex, duosufferitus, angst,violence, language

The Cost

Unfailing

"You have to come back," Tango told him. Standing in Duo's doorway, the young man looked determined.

"I'm still not on active duty," Duo replied as he smoothed hands over his wheelchair wheels. "Une won't let me back until my physical next week."

"She wants us to deploy with Morrison," Tango told him angrily. "That man's a first rate asshole. She told us, do our job, or find another one."

"She's right," Duo snapped back and the young man looked startled. "It isn't about what you want and Une's not stupid," Duo continued. "She wouldn't put a man, who's not qualified, in a field command."

"He doesn't know us!" Tango protested, looking desperate. "That can get men killed, not knowing their abilities. We weren't even allowed a few training runs."

"Must be serious then," Duo replied, frowning and looking back at Heero, who was standing behind his wheelchair. "Une knows better than to buck procedure, so she must need this operation completed pronto."

"When do you deploy?" Heero asked.

"Tomorrow evening," Tango replied, looking at Heero respectfully. He looked intimidated, standing in the presence of a man with Heero's reputation and hero status."We ship out at and take a two thousand mile air ride to drop off."

"And you want Commander Maxwell to head your team?" Heero looked, not only incredulous, but angry as well. "That's simply not possible!"

Duo rolled away from them both, shoulders hunched. "Transports are wicked on healthy people," he muttered, mind going over the logistics and playing out several scenarios, before he shook his head and said, "No, I'm sorry, Tango, but I'd be useless to you by the time we reached drop off. Add to that, a pod drop to get me in position and..."

"You could remote from Headquarters," Tango suggested in frustration.

"If we were in space, maybe" Duo growled, "Not in this atmospheric soup on Earth. I won't take a chance that a long range feed will get dropped at a critical moment. Short range, I could at least send a second out into the field with my orders."

Tango balled his hands into fists. "Sir, I can't tell you the details of my mission unless you sign on to it, but I can tell you that we've never been assigned to anything like it before. We're all inexperienced rookies, here, and I can assure you, that only someone who knows us inside and out can get us all through it."

Heero's hand squeezed Duo's shoulder. "Don't you goddam let him talk you into this. You're going to be cleared for walking exercises next month. Don't ruin that by risking yet another injury."

Duo grimaced, "Walk? That's a laugh and you know it. They're allowing me to put minimal pressure on each joint to test their soundness. Then I'll keep doing that for a month until they up the pressure a slight bit for another month, and so on until something breaks or I finally get on my fucking feet."

Tango was suddenly in front of Duo again. Ignoring Heero's angry growl, he bent to be at Duo's level, eye to eye, and very intense."You're fucking worried about walking. I'm fucking worried about men's lives. What counts the most here?" He gave Duo's chair a small shove. Duo stopped it expertly. "You're good in that chair. Maybe you can't run into the field, guns blazin', but you can sure as hell still command a team. That's a lot more than a dead man can do."

"Une won't clear me for duty," Duo insisted, voice low and dangerous.

"When's that mattered to someone like you?" Tango wanted to know sarcastically.

They stared at one another for a very long time and then Duo shivered all over and bit out, "Heero's my second. He gives you an order, you better fucking jump, got that asshole?"

Tango grinned and straightened. "Yes, sir!" he saluted smartly. "We take off at 1800 hours. I'll inform the team."

"Duo..." Heero protested, but it was weak, knowing that Duo had made his decision, had weighed himself against men's lives, and come up short.

"I want everyone on the tarmac one hour before take off," Duo ordered sharply. "I want full inspection. I'll call Une and have the mission specs downloaded to me here."

"Yes, sir!" Tango replied.

"Now get the hell out!" Duo snarled. Tango saluted him again and was gone. Heero slammed the door behind him and then confronted Duo.

"Tell me how you think you're going to come out of this in one piece?" Heero demanded.

Duo smiled wanly, reached out, and took hold of Heero's hand. He pressed it to his cheek and closed his eyes tightly. "We've always been about saving the world, Heero. I can't stop now, can you?"

"I'm not on active duty, either," Heero reminded him. "I quit. Une won't let me second the mission, even if she allowed you to command it."

"You'll be more than second," Duo told him. "You're going to be in command. She won't say no if that's the plan. I'll just go along with some nifty shock absorbers, an oxygen mask, and take the position of moral support."

Heero relaxed visibly, but not completely. "You'll still be taking a very long trip on a transport and taking a pod ship to the target area. Anything can happen."

"Heero," Duo said as he clasped Heero's hand in both of his and looked at him earnestly. "I nearly choked to death in our own home, because I burned soup and almost couldn't get to my oxygen tank in time. The God of Death is every where, love."

Heero replied softly. "I thought you were the God of Death?"

"When I was younger," Duo replied as he let Heero go and turned to wheel toward a closet full of his gear. "Now I'm just trying to avoid him, like everyone else."

"I don't think this is a good idea," Heero murmured into Duo's ear. Pressed up against Duo's back, he couldn't hide the contrariness of his erection.

"As long as you take it easy, there won't be a problem," Duo softly replied.

"You're being pessimistic," Heero growled, but his hand was sliding around Duo and taking hold of the hard heat he found there.

"How do you figure?" Duo said through a groan of pleasure.

"You want to do this, just in case things go wrong," Heero replied. "If this mission hurts you again, you think we won't have another chance."

"Maybe," Duo growled back, "And maybe I'm just tired of being horny and wanting you?"

"We can do other things beside this," Heero reminded him, but he was already rubbing between the cleft of Duo's ass with his dripping hard on.

"We've been doing them," Duo shot back. "We both want more than that. We both need... a good scew."

"Romantic," Heero chuckled.

"I think it is," Duo replied as he put a hand over Heero's hand. He moved up and down on his erection, guiding Heero to hold on tighter.

"I don't want just sex," Heero told him as he began to tease open Duo's entrance. "I want to make love to you. I want to be in you, loving you. I don't want to hurt you."

"I want this," Duo assured him, "I want to be with you... It might be our only chance."

Heero kissed his shoulder. "Relax," he said. "Open to me. Don't push back. Tell me if there's pain."

Duo chuckled nervously. "There has to be, you know that."

"No, there doesn't," Heero assured him.

"No?" Duo echoed hopefully.

"No," Heero said again, more firmly.

Heero slicked himself well and made certain that Duo was more than ready for him. Sliding into Duo's heat was wonderful, slow torture. Duo panted, scrunched his face up, and Heero kissed his shoulder again, stilling his push inward.

"Feels..." Duo's face relaxed and his hand tightened on Heero's, the one still around his erection. "Fantastic," Duo finished. "Keep going."

Heero chuckled, breathed hot breath into Duo's ear, and seated himself fully. He growled, sucked an earlobe, and then began to move out again, sliding from flesh slicked, hot, and tight. Pushing back in once more, Duo came in a spurt over their combined hands. Duo shuddered and groaned. A few more, slow movements, and Heero came as well, careful not to clutch at Duo or bear into him with any weight.

Relaxing together afterward, Duo smiled up at the ceiling broadly. Heero smoothed a hand along his cheek. "All right?"

"Yeah," Duo replied, but then looked questioningly at Heero. "I know it wasn't much for you..."

Heero smiled and then kissed Duo. Looking into his eyes warmly, he said, "I was with you. There's nothing better than that."

Duo snickered. "You're getting sappy, love."

"That's bad?" Heero wondered.

"Maybe not," Duo sighed and then grew serious. "I'm glad we had this."

"So am I, but I'm not as pessimistic as you are," Heero told him.

Duo blinked at him, confused. "We've changed places, somehow. How did that happen?"

Heero gave his braid a small tug and stretched out on his back. "I know, without a doubt, that you won't be doing anything to cause you any injury. That's the source of my optimism."

Duo frowned. "I'm going to be on a transport plane and dropped to the mission point. There's lots of room for disaster."

"Trust me," Heero replied. "There's a very good reason why Une allowed this mission."

Duo scowled at him. "I wondered why she agreed so quickly. I didn't think anything would make her that desperate. Wanna tell me what you've got planned?"

Heero smiled. "No."

Duo's scowled deepened. "What do you mean, no? It's my damned mission."

"This is our time. I don't want to spend it arguing," Heero told him as he reached and pulled the blankets up around them.

"Meaning, that you know I'll argue," Duo retorted and tried to turn to confront him. Heero held him down easily, though, and nuzzled his neck. "You can stop that," Duo protested irritably. The nuzzle turned to kisses. "You won't distract me like that, Heero! I wanna know, now, wh-" Duo felt the soft stroke of Heero's tongue. "Okay, maybe later... we'll... talk..." He turned to kiss Heero and Heero did manage to make him think of other things.

----------------------------------------------------------------

"You have got to be kidding!" Duo swore as Heero pushed him, in his wheelchair, into the maw of the transport plane, engines roaring all around them and a chill wind whipping up their backs. Wu Fei was waiting, giving them both a small, curt bow. Trowa gave them a nod from where he stood by the jump seats. Quatre was finishing strapping their packs into position with the squad's gear.

"We will be your hands," Wu Fei told Duo as they maneuvered Duo into a seat they had rigged to absorb as many shocks as possible. "We will make sure that this mission is a success without any injury to you."

"Une must have been thrilled," Duo shot back. "All five Gundam pilots back together again for her mission."

"Air mask," Heero urged as he positioned the oxygen tank. "Everyone will be ready to take your orders, Duo. This is still your show."

"You really know how to save a guy's pride, don't you?" Duo retorted, but he gave Heero a kiss before he slipped on his mask. Heero had made sure that there was ample baggage between Duo and his squad. They wouldn't see him at his worst during the trip. That could be a two edged sword, though, Duo realized. The short mission check and briefing on the ground wouldn't be enough to psyche his people up for what they had to do. At some point, he would have to risk himself to walk the line and check their status. His well meaning friends couldn't interfere with that, and he hoped that they realized it.

The plane lurched forward and the warning lights and sirens told them to find their seats. Duo couldn't help the adrenaline rush, especially when he heard some of his squad shout in excitement."We're going to kick ass!!!" One man shouted and Duo realized that the voice belonged to Tango.

Duo exchanged looks with Heero. They both knew that they had to keep Tango under control. A natural leader, he was being asked to follow the orders of five people, now, not just Duo. If he broke at a critical moment, and tried to lead on his own, it might mean mission failure in a very bad way.

Duo closed his eyes, the vibrations of the plane around him making his bones ache despite the special seat. He had to be sure, sharp, and ready with answers. He couldn't let someone else seem to be in command, conflicting with his orders. Heero leading the mission was discarded. He would stay second, but Duo had to call the shots.

Duo pulled off the mask, gave everyone of his friends a level look and barked, "My mission!"

Quatre frowned and looked concerned and Heero's hand tightened on Duo's hand, but, one by one, they nodded in agreement. No second guessing him. No coddling him and taking decisions out of his hands. They would all obey him.

TBC


	15. Core

Core It was rough. Everyone of Duo's bones ached by the time they reached the point of no return. He had to use his oxygen far more than he liked, but the cough medicine was his lifesaver. When it was time to address his squad, he was able to take off the mask, and speak clearly and strongly. Heero unstrapped Duo and wheeled him to face the long line of his squad, armed to the teeth and ready to unstrap as well. "I expect everyone to stay sharp, " he told them."Follow Heero's orders, they come straight from me. Any one of you fails to do that and I give everyone a chance to kick your ass, if you're still alive, that is. I'll be the first in line. If you think a cripple can't cut it, I'll introduce you to my sadistic therapist. She'd make Oz torture seem like a tea party. If I can take her twice a week, I can take anyone of you down." The squad laughed. They were glowing; too young and too full of adrenaline. Duo eyed each of them, trying to gage each personality, trying to predict how they were going to react when they were put into a serious combat situation. Tango gave him a slight nod, confidence in his squad, trying to tell Duo that they would meet any challenge. Duo nodded back, wheeled around, and barked, "Saddle up. Drop off in five!" He would go first, alone except for his aides. Heero and the others would go down with the team. That begged a question. Duo eyed Quatre. The most important man in space and on Earth, hadn't been out from behind a desk in years. Quatre smiled gently. "I know I'm not a field man. I'll be defending the pick up point and the ground communications array. That will free up more of your people." "Good. Do that," Duo agreed, relieved. He hadn't wanted to be the one to tell Quatre that he wasn't qualified any longer. The drop pod had all the aspects of a bug with boosters. It was a ride to hell in thirty seconds flat, taking a team down in a hard g, controlled crash, to land in any terrain. Duo was strapped down at every point by Heero, given a hard, fierce kiss, and then left with Heero's eyes burning into his own, willing him to survive this in one piece, as the hatch doors shut. "Go!" Duo ordered sharply and closed his eyes tightly as they fell from the transport and the thrusters kicked in. Duo counted, panting through the pain and fear as bones stressed and took weight they hadn't managed since the accident. The G's increased until he was sure that his bones would be crushed, and then, when he reached 32, they were down, the long metallic legs straddling and gripping onto trees and rocks as it made itself as level as possible. "Scan!" Duo barked and people unstrapped to fling themselves at instruments. Duo flipped his viewer into position, ignoring everything but his need to get in contact with his team. "Heero?" Duo demanded. "Here," Heero replied as Duo was given a view of his team scrambling out of a hover ship. Rain was pounding down and the gloom made visual difficult. "No chatter!" One of Duo's aides reported. "We're down clear." "Not yet," Duo growled. The ship still had to get out. "Get your team to point Charlie," Duo ordered Heero. "Yes, sir," Heero replied promptly and Duo was given a view of Quatre, soaked with rain, setting up his array under a camo tarp. Quatre gave Heero a thumbs up sign, and then the visual jogged sickeningly as Heero and the team moved out of the drop off area. "Drop ship away!" an aide announced. "Still no chatter. The rain's giving us good cover." "Good," Duo replied tensely "Trowa!" Heero barked. "Confirm?" Duo saw Trowa's rain soaked face for a moment, before he nodded and was gone. "What?" Tango wanted to know, a figure on Heero's right. "Quiet, boy," Wu Fei growled. "Sentry drone, maybe." "Don't call me boy... sir," Tango grated. Wu Fei's reply was lost as Trowa returned and made a sign to be silent. They all ducked down and huddled for orders. "Infrared, of course," Trowa reported. "I doubt there are motion sensors in all of this jungle, though. They'd spend all day chasing bogeys." "If it goes down, they'll know we're here," Tango said unnecessarily and then offered, "I doubt they'll think much if a tree branch drops on it, though." Heero looked at the others. Trowa was smiling. Wu Fei was arching an eyebrow. Heero replied, "Do it. Who has climbing experience?" "Trowa," Duo replied. "Send Trowa." Heero relayed the order and Trowa slipped into the gloom again. They waited. Heero didn't fill the time with asking how Duo was, though Duo knew that he longed to. Instead, he was all mission. "Once we get past point Charlie," he said, "and we reach the concrete barriers, we'll have to set up tarps to use the lasers." "You'll have to take out any sentries," Duo replied, "I hope those babies are ready for cold blooded murder. Maybe they're fine when someone is shooting at them, but can they kill someone before they even know we're here?" "I'll take care of it," Heero assured him. "They need to," Duo argued. "If they want to do this line of work-" "This isn't the place to test them," Heero whispered, too low for anyone else to hear. "We can't afford-" "They've seen combat, just not this kind," Duo grunted. "It's now or never." Heero wouldn't let the mission fail, Duo knew, but he couldn't do it all. He had to make Heero understand that. "Heero, follow my orders," Duo told him firmly. "Tango will be point man." "Yes, sir," Heero responded, but he didn't sound as if the issue had been resolved. "Tango?" Duo switched links. Tango was ahead of Heero, scanning the surrounding forest and chewing on something. Jerky, Duo decided, as his hand made a hard motion and he saw the strip in one fist. "Sir?" Tango responded around his mouthful. "Are you still a growing, boy, that you need to eat, agent?" Duo snarled at him. "No, sir," Tango chuckled as he put the jerky away. "Yes, sir?" he queried. "You realize what's ahead?" Duo asked. "Yes, sir," Tango replied and sounded as if a weight was on his shoulders. "I'm ready. Don't worry about me." "I'm not asking you to be hard, or to act like it's nothing," Duo told him, "I'm just asking you to be point and get the job done." "Good as done, sir," Tango replied promptly. "Anything else, I'll save for the priest after the mission." Trowa returned, objective completed. "Moving out," Heero announced softly and they began easing through the thick forest. Reaching Point Charlie, they rested, checked their connection with Quatre, and then moved out. The barriers were next and Duo wished that he could pace. "They are fools," Wu Fei growled from his position near Heero. "They have lights on." "Over confident, or something to be confident about?" Trowa wondered. Heero grunted, went thoughtful, and then motioned to Tango. "Recon. If an opportunity presents itself, take them out." Tango motioned to two team mates, a man, Peters, and a woman, Kelly, and slipped into the darkness. Wu Fei frowned at the choice, but Trowa whispered, "Don't say anything about women being too weak." Wu Fei glared at him, and then whispered back, "Women can be very ruthless. It was her low marks in hand to hand combat that I'm concerned about. We need speed and silence." "Tango chose her for a reason," Duo was certain. "He knows his people." They waited while the rain poured down on them, lightning slicing open the darkened sky occasionally. At last, Tango returned with a wounded Peters and Kelly, who was cleaning her bloodied knife on her thigh. "Targets eliminated," Tango told them. "The barrier is ours." He looked tense and pale, and Kelly was frowning very darkly as she sheathed her knife. Peters was still mobile, but he looked the most emotionally disturbed. "Leave him," Duo ordered. "Move out and leave the man in command of the barrier station." "Yes, sir," Heero replied. There wasn't anything to hint that things were not as they should be. They had met the expected resistence, barriers, and terrain. They weren't overconfident or careless. That the targets had allowed their men to die, to make sure that they had their enemy completely at their mercy, was not something anyone foresaw. That level of ruthlessness was few and far between. A tow line snagged on the command pod and the powerful force of a land crawler, yanked them off of their perch. Computers struggled to compensate, legs moving wildly, but it was far too late. The pod crashed down between trees with a force that threw everyone into a wall, and dazed them long enough for a grappler arm to take out their communications array and laser open their hatch. Duo rolled, survival instinct over riding his concern for his body. As shots rang out and peppered the deck, he was hitting one of the emergency escape hatches and free falling downward. His aides, armed, began shooting back as Duo snagged a dangling set of power lines and halted his descent. He swung there as huge grappler machines crawled over the carcass of his pod ship, the invading force intent on overcoming resistence inside. The darkness was his friend, as was the heavy rain. Duo used his upper arm strength to reach the ground and roll into the thick undergrowth. Then, it was just a matter of silently thanking his therapist, and all the agonizing arm exercises she had forced him to do, as he pulled his body away from the fighting. A part of his mind called him a coward, but he knew that, unarmed, and far outnumbered, he would only have been staying to get a bullet in the head. "Heero!" he hissed into his com unit. The visual was broken, but he hoped that the man could hear him without the pod's booster. "Under fire!" Heero replied promptly. "Falling back. Duo? They were ready for us." "The command pod's gone," Duo told him. "Take cover. I'm having Quatre bring in the calvary." "Commander!" Tango's voice came suddenly. "We need to lay down cover fire or none of us is getting out of here. They have us backed up against the far side of the barriers and they are positioning a big gun to smear us into the next life." "Confirmed," Heero said. "Your orders, sir?" Time to chose who lived and died. That was part of command. Duo kept crawling, ignoring pain, ignoring love, ignoring everything except his clear knowledge of his squad's strengths and weaknesses. "Quatre?" "Here, sir!" his anguished voice replied. "I managed to get away with a portable unit, but the signal is shaky. I may not be able to confirm contact with our backup." Duo squeezed his eyes shut. "Make the call. This mission is toast. Heero?" "Yes, sir?" Heero's voice came through the intense sound of gunfire. "Order Tango to take point and get my squad out of there," Duo ordered. "I want you, Trowa, and Fei to make those bastards pay for every inch of ground and drop of blood. until they get away." "Mission accepted," Heero replied without hesitation. "Duo?" His voice couldn't afford softness, but he would say what he had to. "Love you." Duo swallowed hard. "Love you." The com stayed open. Duo heard Heero shout his orders, Tango's argument, the sound of a blow, and then Tango giving in and taking most of the squad to a chance at safety. Only a chance, Duo thought. There were no guarantees. Duo found a likely hiding place. He wasn't the only one to think that the clump of rock and fern was a good place, though. He found himself staring into the barrel of one of his aides guns. The man was wide eyed in the almost nonexistent light. "S-sir?" the man gasped. Duo reached out and moved the barrel of the gun aside. "Report?" he ordered. "Tyson and Grogen's gone, sir," the man replied. "I dived through a hatch." That bothered him, Duo could see, the same as it had bothered him. "No choice," Duo soothed. "I called for backup. Our squad's pinned down. It's a waiting game now. You up for some hide and seek?" The man nodded shakily. "Good. Take the gun and get the hell out of here," Duo ordered. The man looked shocked. "Sir?" Duo tried to make himself more comfortable in the mud and wet loam of the forest floor. "As far as I know, I've done permanent damage," he told the man. "That's war, kid. I'm not walking anywhere. You can. You have the better chance of surviving this." "It's not a war," the man protested. "No?" Duo grimaced and then grinned. "Us against them is the definition of any war. Follow orders. Go." Sounds came to them, shouted orders, and the crash of troops going hard through underbrush. The aide put the gun into Duo's hand. Their eyes met and the agent said, "I know you're a better shot, sir." Duo nodded, knowing their chances were not good at all now. It surprised them both when the troop of men passed them by at a fast run, in total panic. The sound of pods dropping, and the roar of the transport ship overhead, came to their ears. Duo fell back, sighing, as rain pounded into his face. "Cavalry's here." Duo hoped that there was someone left to rescue. TBC 


	16. Movements

Chapter 16:Movements

"Duo?" Heero's voice came over the com, the signal crackly and uncertain.

"Backup is coming in hot, Heero!" Duo shouted into the com. "Retreat or lay low?"

"Opening to escaping shuttle. Permission to target and capture?" Heero replied.

Duo gritted his teeth and then ordered, "Permission granted, target and capture."

"Roger that," Heero replied.

"Sir?" Duo's companion said and Duo looked over at the man, who was doing a good imitation of a drowned rat. Agent Keegan, that was his name, Duo remembered. "I should help you get to the pods. They may not find us in all of this."

Duo took stock of his body. It hurt like hell. A small voice said, 'Give it up. You're never coming back from this one.', but Duo swore at it under his breath and said instead, "Yeah, let's see if we can make it. If not," he warned, "You are to drop me and get the hell to safety. Got that? The enemy was on the run, but they may be looking to make some corpses on the way out."

Keegan nodded shakily and carefully slipped arms around Duo's upper body. It was hard to get footing in the muck of the forest floor, but he managed to get them on their feet... or at least on his feet. "Anything broken, sir?" Keegan asked.

"I don't know," Duo replied. "Doesn't matter. Get me to the pods however you can manage it."

The man's lips went into a tense, thin line, and then he dragged Duo through the forest. It was a temptation to try and walk, to put weight on joints, to at least limp forward to help Keegan, who was essentially risking his life for Duo, but Duo throttled the urge. "This was a bad idea," Duo said.

Keegan grunted, frowning his question.

"A cripple shouldn't go into the field," Duo clarified. "I-"

"Managed to get out of a pod that was being attacked," Keegan cut in, "Managed to still command. Managed to save my life. Managed to keep coordinating the mission.If you think that's not up to speed, sir, then I'd hate to have my performance reviewed by you. I'm not that good."

Duo chuckled. "Agent Keegan, flattery will get you a punch in the mouth."

Keegan laughed and then saved his breath for dragging Duo.

The com came back to life with a crackle. "You are under arrest!" Heero's voice shouted as sounds of enemy fire almost drowned him out. "On the floor, weapons down, or you will be shot!"

"Power down the goddam shuttle, pilot!" Wu Fei's voice shouted.

"Secure the pilot!" Heero ordered.

"Why do you feel the need to order that?" Wu Fei replied in an offended tone. "You've been working with new agents too long, Yuy." and then with a snarl, "Hands above your head or you will lose it!"

"Strap them!" Heero ordered.

"Sir," Trowa replied and then, "That's a very bad idea, soldier." There was the sound of more gunfire.

"Heero?!" Duo exclaimed. "Report!"

"The men are secure on the rescue pod, Commander Maxwell," Tango's voice over rode Heero's, probably using the backup pods transmitter. "Agent Winner has been retrieved. Orders?"

"Shut up!" Duo snarled. "Heero?"

There was only loud sounds and then Heero's voice, "Secure, no casualties, sir. Permission to transport prisoners to the backup pods?"

Duo closed his eyes for a brief second of relief and then he replied, "Permission granted."

"Roger that," Heero responded.

"This was fun," Trowa said casually. "We should do missions together more often."

Duo almost laughed, but then remembered, and didn't. He doubted that there would be any more missions for him.

"So, those are the results?" Duo asked as he looked anxiously at the two envelopes Heero was holding. Sitting on the bed, in their apartment, he had chosen it over hospitalization once the doctor had told him that he had managed, by some miracle, not to break anything. Deep bruising and muscle strain were rampant throughout his body, though, and bed rest had been a requirement of his release.

Heero unzipped his coat, took the time to toss it onto a chair, and then sat on the bed beside Duo. "Did you have lunch?" he asked.

Duo tried to pluck the envelopes from Heero impatiently. "You left a sandwich and vitamin drink next to the bed. I managed," he growled sarcastically.

Heero smiled and moved the envelopes out of reach. "We're sharing this."

Duo let out an exasperated sound and moved closer to Heero. "Okay... just... hurry." Heero kissed him and then opened the first envelope. It was clear that he didn't know what it contained as they both scanned the pages of the medical report.

"Full body scan...," Duo murmured as his finger traced the results. He grinned. "The grafts and regen is A okay. I've rebuilt bone mass. I'm good to go for walking therapy."

Tears welled in Duo's eyes. He wiped at them with both hands. They hadn't been sure if the mission had caused a setback, or had wreaked havoc on his regenerated and strung together bones. To know that he could still attempt walking, was something that he had not dared to hope for.

"Second envelope, love," Heero said as he shored Duo up with a brief hug and then opened it.

Une's review of Duo's mission was terse and to the point. Her list of failings was long. Seeing her list, at the bottom of the page, of corrections and suggested training modules, was a shock after that. It was a nod to further missions, a way of telling Duo that he was still in command.

"I didn't know she was an idiot," Duo growled. "She should can me."

"She knows your talent, in and out of a wheelchair," Heero replied. "You managed to not only bring your team out of a very bad situation, but you still managed to capture the targets."

Duo scowled at Heero."You did that, you and the guys."

"We did it," Heero reminded him sharply. "We are a team, after all, or do you have an ego so large, that you think that you are the sole force in whether a mission succeeds or fails."

Duo blinked and then winced, "You're right. I'm being-"

"Damned critical of yourself," Heero finished. "Stop it!"

Duo smiled as Heero put away the envelopes. "We should celebrate," he suggested.

Heero smiled back and began unbuttoning his shirt. "I was thinking the same thing. Now that the doctor has cleared you for duty..."

"Duty?" Duo snickered as he began pulling off his shirt. "Is that what you call it now?"

"Extracurricular activities?" Heero tried again as he kissed down Duo's neck and began untying the waist band of Duo's sleep pants.

"How about 'having sex like maniacs'?" Duo breathed as he leaned back and pulled Heero down with him.

"So, you're going to just... follow behind me, wait on me, hold my towels, wipe my chin...?" Duo wondered as Heero pushed the reinstatement form away from him. Sitting at the kitchen table, dinner finished and empty plates stacked, Duo had decided it was the perfect time to have a talk with Heero that was long overdue.

"Now isn't the time," Heero told him. "Who's going to take you to walking therapy?"

Duo snorted. "A cab. Heero, I roll into a room, they put pressure on both of my legs a few times, and then I roll back out. This is going to take months. There's no reason why you should kick your heels in the meantime?"

"What will you do the rest of the time?" Heero wondered. "You'll be alone."

"You know, Heero, I did have a life before you showed up," Duo retorted as he slid the papers back at him."I do have a team to train, too.. Une gave us a lot of modules to go through. I'm not going to be sitting here staring at the walls."

Heero's jaw worked. Duo reached across the table and gripped his hand.

"I'm not saying I don't need you," Duo told him, "You're everything to me. I'm not saying I want to get away from you. I'd love to have you by my side, twenty four seven.That isn't good for you, though. You're not a nurse, Heero, you're a guy who needs action. This can't work... we can't work... if you don't start thinking of what you need too."

Heero sighed and rubbed hands over his face. He said, with sudden honesty, "It was good, getting back into action again."

Duo grinned. "I liked it too. That's who were are, Heero. We want that kind of life.I'll have it any way I can, even if I have to do it from a wheelchair, so I can understand that you need it just as much. Sign the papers. Turn them into Une. Go back to work."

Heero picked up the papers and studied them. "I won't go on travel assignments... not yet."

"Okay," Duo agreed, "But you will, later on."

"When you're walking," Heero stressed.

"Yeah," Duo chuckled. "That'll be before you know it."

"Ready?" Quatre asked as he looked over Duo's head at Wu Fei.

"Of course," Wu Fei replied irritably.

"I feel ridiculous," Duo growled as he crossed his arms over his naked chest. "I look like white roadkill."

"You needed to get out," Wu Fei growled, "Now, be quiet while we get you to the beach."

"Heero isn't going to like this," Duo told them as they tried to find firm handholds on his wheelchair.

"Of course, not," Quatre agreed, "Which is why we didn't tell him."

"He imagines that you'll drown," Wu Fei snorted. "Foolishness."

"I don't like doing things behind his back," Duo complained.

"Then don't," Heero said from behind them as he took hold of Duo's chair along with the others. "Thank you for leaving the note, Duo."

They all blinked at him and then Duo gave a guilty grin, "Come home for lunch, Heero?"

"Apparently," Heero replied sourly. "Une wasn't happy when I called her to say that I wouldn't be coming back to work today. Going to the beach is not an acceptable excuse."

"No shit," Duo laughed and then stifled it when he saw that Heero wasn't joining in. "You aren't happy either, are you?"

Heero stared out at the sparkling water, eyes narrowed against the bright sun and then said, "Leave the chair. The sand will get into the bearings." He piled a few bags onto Duo's lap and then lifted him bodily.

"Okay he-man," Duo grumbled. "I guess you're going along with this, but you do have two other people to help you."

"Why should I trust them?" Heero wanted to know as he negotiated the sand with Duo's weight, the others following. "They didn't trust me."

Duo winced. "I didn't either. I really thought you would try and stop us."

Quatre set up a low beach chair near the water and Heero lowered Duo onto it. He made sure that Duo was stable, fussing and tossing the bags in his lap off to one side, before he looked Duo in the eye and replied,"Why would I stop you? No wheel chair access, filthy beach water, a weak swimmer in rough water, a chance for a fall during transport, skin not used to constant sunlight..."

"Maybe I was just trying to avoid you saying all of that," Duo grumbled, but then relented when Heero looked hurt. He ignored the others standing behind him guiltily, and cupped Heero's cheek with one hand as he said, "It was a nice day. I was overworked from the modules and frustrated with therapy. I needed to get out an relax and I was pretty sure we were going to get back before you left work. I love you, and the way you take care of me, but you've been over doing it. Yeah, the water is full of sea crud. Yeah, the guys might have fumbled me and put me on my ass in the sand. They might even think's it's funny as hell to let me flail around out there, but they would never, actually, let me drown."

"I know that," Heero replied irritably. "I just..."

Heero looked frustrated, biting down on his lip, trying to stifle a deep emotion.

"You want me to walk, as much as I do," Duo finished for him, pulling him in close for an embrace. "And you don't want me to jeapordize that. I wouldn't, Heero. This is okay."

Wu Fei looked annoyed, arms crossed over his bare chest. "Yuy, your lack of confidence in us is appaling. Didn't we recently accomplish a difficult mission together? This is mearely an 'outing."

Quatre was more blunt. "Get your head out of your ass, Heero, and stop spoiling our fun. Get your swim suit on and join us."

Heero had his trunks and a towel in a bag slung over one shoulder. He tried to save face, as he straightened, by growling, "You have a hundred men, waiting on you, hand and foot, Quatre Winner. You could have retained a few to help you."

Quatre made a face. "That's part of 'playing hooky', Heero. We're running away from all of that, for a little while."

Heero looked at Wu Fei with a raised eyebrow. "Playing hooky?" he repeated, not believing that the duty conscious man would do any such thing.

Wu Fei shrugged and looked off towards the water. "I did have all of my paperwork filed."

Duo grumbled, "Shut up, all of you, and get me into the water so I can swim."

"Yes, lord and master, Duo," Quatre snickered.

"Don't make me do it myself," Duo chuckled.

"You would try, to," Heero retorted. He pointed to a small restroom down the beach. "Let me change first." He glared at the others. "Don't move him until I get back."

"Yes, Yuy," Wu Fei replied with a sarcastic tone.

Quatre rolled his eyes in disgust.

Heero continued to pin them with his glare and then, satisfied that they would comply, he strode quickly away.

"Bets that he'll break the sound barrier getting there and changing," Duo snickered.

"I hope he does," Quatre snorted. "It's hot. I want to cool off in the water."

Duo reached down, grabbed a handful of sand, and lobbed it at them both. "Get out of here and swim, then. I'll wait here for Mr. Over Protective."

Wu Fei and Quatre exchanged uncertain looks.

Duo felt a flare of annoyance. "Don't you two start. I'm fine. Get out of here!"

Wu Fei smiled. "All right, my friend."

Quatre was relieved. "Good. Now, don't run any marathons or save people from burning zepelins while we're away."

Duo grinned. "Promise."

They would stay in sight, Duo knew, their willingness to leave him on the sand based on the knowledge that the beach was wide open, almost deserted, and appeared perfectly safe for a crippled, ex Gundam pilot.

It was almost painful to watch them both run for the water, strong, capable bodies effortlessly moving to their will, and diving with the grace of dolphins as they reached deeper water. Duo found himself rubbing at his eyes angrily, telling himelf that it was just sand and salt, as his friends began swimming strongly into the waces.

"Babba."

Duo started and looked around. A little tiny girl, barely two years old, perhaps, was staring at him with one finger stuck in her mouth. She had on a frilly bathing suit with some cartoon character princess on the front, and her curly blonde hair was tied up in a ribbon .

"Nana yyge," she slurred around her finger.

Her eyes were wide and uncertain, taking Duo in with acute fascination. Long white limbs, scars everywhere, and a face that was frowning and still marked by a few of the more vicious scars, the ones that not even surgery could smooth away, must have seemed strange to her. Her attention was quickly diverted by a seagull, though, as it called out to its fellows and winged low over the surf.

"No," Duo told her as he looked frantically for the little girl's parents. They must have been over the dune. No one was in sight.He could imagine them, taking chairs, towels, and umbrellas out of their car, distracted enough to miss the absence of their child.

The little girl tottered over the sand towards the surf.

"No!" Duo said, louder. "Get back here!"

The little girl didn't even glance at him, her complete attention on getting to the water.

"You rotten, little..." Duo snarled and then shouted, "Quatre! Chang!"

His friends were having some sort of swim race, both of the arrowing away from him in the water, unable to hear his call. Only a few moments, he was sure they were thinking, What could happen?

Heero was a dot in the distance, making his way back to Duo. He wouldn't be in time. A body that small could be sucked under in seconds.

"Hey!" Duo shouted, hoping to get the attention of the parents. "Somebody help!! Your little kid is about to drown!"

No one came. If the parents had noticed their child's absence by now, they were probably frantically searching around the sand covered beach lot, among the cars parked there.

"Shit!" Duo snarled and was out of his chair and belly first into the sand without waiting another moment. He crawled as quickly as he could towards the girl. She turned and saw him, a strange looking man who was moving with all the awkward grace of a sea turtle, and giggled. She came back towards him and climbed onto his back.

"Go horseee!" the little girl crowed in delight and kicked him with her heels.

Duo looked back at his rider with a glare. "I hate kids."

A man and a woman, presumably the parents, came pelting over the dune and reached Duo at nearly the same time as Heero, and a wet Quatre and Wu Fei.

"What are you doing with our little girl?" the man snarled as he snatched up his daughter.

"Are you some kind of pervert?" the woman accused Duo as she snatched the girl from the father and hugged her so tightly that the child began crying. "Daniel, call the police!"

"Duo!" Heero exclaimed, kneeling by Duo anxiously. "Are you all right?"

"I'll call an ambulance!" Quatre shouted as he dived for his beach bag and began looking for his cell phone.

"I'm all right!" Duo told them. He reached out to Heero and the man helped him sit, hands gentle and cautious."I didn't hurt anything."

"Be quiet!" Wu Fei snapped at the parents. "We are Preventer agents. Allow my comrade to explain."

The parents didn't look as if they believed him. The woman half turned away with her daughter while the father stood protectively between her and the men. "Explain, then!" he demanded."Why did he have my daughter?"

Heero checked Duo over, concentrating on his legs as he snapped back, "He did not take your daughter, he isn't capable."

Quatre held his cell phone, waiting for Heero to tell him whether it was necessary or not, "Duo needs a wheelchair. He can't walk," Quatre explained.

"Listen!" Duo interrupted as he pushed Heero off. "I'm fine! Everyone stop yelling and panicking! You're scaring the kid!" He turned to face the parents. "Your brat was going straight for the water. Where the hell were you two? You're supposed to keep an eye on kids that small."

The woman looked guilty, burying her face in her daughter's neck as she tried to soothe her. "We... we were arguing...I didn't see..."

The man made a sharp, cutting motion with one hand. "I didn't see you 'saving her!"

Duo glared and then said in an exaggerated, happy tone of voice, "Hey, kiddo? Wanna ride the horsee again? Come on, stop your crying."

The girl sniffled, brightened, and then reached out towards Duo. "Ride the sea horsee!"

"Yeah, I'm such a monster," Duo grunted. "Look, I crawled on my hands and knees after your daughter to keep her from going out with the tide. She thought it was a game. Do you get it now?"

The father looked guilty. "I..."

"Got nothing to say, now, yeah," Duo sneered. "Why don't you go down the beach, now, and leave us alone? I wanted to relax, not do your job."

"T-Thank you," the man replied, stumbling and uncertain. "Come on, Gene." He hooked an arm around his wife and they went back over the dunes.

Heero, Quatre, and Wu Fei crouched around Duo, looking at him in clear frustration.

"Heero was right," Quatre said.

"I suggest a room padded with cotton balls," Wu Fei said irritably as he checked over Duo's arms and brushed off the sand.

"With twenty four hour guards," Quatre added as he brushed sand off of Duo's back.

"This was not my fault," Duo snapped back. He dared to look at Heero, then, but Heero was relaxed and didn't look upset with him. "So, no lecture?" Duo wondered. "No talk about how this was a bad idea and how I should stick to smoothe sidewalks and hallways, and never go anywhere without twenty aides to help me?"

"No," Heero replied, and his expression warmed, "You are the bravest man I know, Duo. It scares me, I will admit, but it's who you are."

Not getting the fight he anticipated, Duo was left with a confused expression. Heero laughed at it.

"Ready for a swim?" Heero asked him.

"Huh?" Duo's eyes went wide.

Heero lifted him up easily. "That is why you came, correct?"

"Yeah, but..." Duo floundered as Heero carried him toward the water.

"You're all right," Heero said, "and I'm not ready to put you in a room padded with cotton balls... not yet."

Duo grinned. "Just keep the kids away from me, and I'll be okay."

"We'll make a kid free zone for the rest of the day," Quatre assured him.

"Count on that," Wu Fei vowed.

TBC


	17. Believe in Me

Chapter 17:Believe in Me 

"There isn't any fairy dust here, Mr. Maxwell," the doctor said as he pushed Duo's wheelchair to the end of the ramp. "This first walk is going to be pitiful and maybe painful as well. You'll be lucky to get one foot in front of the other, before you'll need to sit down again.Don't push it."

Duo smiled weakly as he reached up to the parallel bars. "That's why I didn't want an audience in a regular therapy room," he said as he tested his gloved grip. "It's bad enough that Heero has to see me fall flat on my face."

Heero smiled and reached around Duo's waist. "I won't laugh," he promised.

"Better not," Duo mock growled.

Duo's hands tensed, but he didn't make an effort to stand. His face was a study in concentration, eyes on the length of walkway and the end that was his goal.

"I can do this," Duo whispered, but it was fierce.

"Yes, you can," Heero said in his ear, poised to take his weight and help him up.

Duo's hands worked a moment and then he took a slow, deep breath. His arm muscles tensed and then he pulled himself up.

"Shit!" Duo swore as weight settled on his bones and caused some pain.

"Duo?"

"Mr. Maxwell?" the doctor was there, alongside Heero. "Maybe you should sit again? I'll check you to make sure nothing-"

"No!" Duo growled sharply. "I-I'm fine."

"He's fine," Tango said as he appeared on Duo's other side with Duo's team ranged behind him, all smiling and giving salutes encouragingly. Tango nodded to Duo's shocked look. "Commander?. Taking a stroll in medical without your team to back you up?"

An embarrassed blush tinged Duo's cheeks. "I wouldn't call it a stroll... more like an attempt not to fall forward."

The doctor was worried. "I agreed to walking therapy at Preventer Headquarters, because you insisted, Mr. Maxwell, and they had the equipment. If this is going to turn into a show, one that might cause you to push yourself too far, then I have to protest."

"He talks a lot, doesn't he?" Tango chuckled as he put a hand under Duo's trembling arm to help him stay standing..

Heero was frowning. "He may be right, Duo. Don't push it."

Duo snorted. "I don't have enough strength to push anything." He gave Heero and Tango a scowl. "If you two will let go, now, I'll try to take a step."

Tango let go, but he didn't step away. Heero reluctantly released Duo as well.

"Your show, Commander," Tango said.

"Careful," Heero warned.

Duo rolled his eyes at Heero with a snort of exasperation and then brought all of his attention to bear on his feet. "So," he said as he struggled to move one leg. "How did you know I was here, Tango?"

"Didn't," Tango replied as he watched Duo's feet as well. "Une told us when she called to order us to do our first module without you."

"And you're not following orders?" Duo wondered angrily.

"We finished the module as fast as we could and came here," Tango corrected him. "Nobody's brave enough to go against Une's orders." He nodded to Duo's legs. "Are you going to walk or chew us out all day?"

"Duo?" Heero was ready to toss Tango and his team out, but he wouldn't embarrass Duo that way.

"I'm okay," Duo replied tensely and then forced a foot to move. Carefully, he put his weight on it. It held. Duo let out a shuddering breath of relief.

"Good, Mr. Maxwell," the doctor said encouragingly. "Do you need to sit down?"

Duo tossed a glare over his shoulder at the man."I think I can try a little more than that!"

Duo brought his attention back to his feet, arms shaking as he kept his balance. Slowly, he slid another foot forward. He was gritting his teeth with effort, refusing to allow his knees to buckle.

His team cheered and Tango gave out a whoop of delight. Duo almost stumbled in surprise but Tango and Heero were there to steady him and lower him back into his chair.

Duo wiped sweat from his brow with a trembling hand, saying shakily, "Guess they still work."

Duo grinned and hugged Heero, one armed, when the man leaned into him, clutching his shirt and hiding his emotions against Duo's chest. Duo gave his men a salute and then gave them a curt hand signal, a clear dismissal. Tango saluted back, his team, and himself, looking as if they were barely controlling their own emotions.Duo waved the doctor away as well and the man suddenly found something else to do in another corner of the room.

"Told you I could do it," Duo whispered into Heero's hair.

Heero nodded, wiped at his eyes, and then tried to straighten. Duo kept a tight hold on him, though, and kissed him.

"Thank you," Duo told him, "For believing in me."

"I knew that you were too damned stubborn to fail," Heero manage to joke.

Duo chuckled, pulled him in for another kiss and then admitted seriously, "I couldn't have done it without you."

Heero shook his head in denial, "No, you would have," he argued, "but it was good to be here."

"I still have a long way to go," Duo said, looking uncertain. "Are you sure you want to stay around that long?"

Heero clutched at Duo again, emotions naked on his face. "Always, no matter what happens."

Duo chuckled. "Who's the stubborn guy?"

"We both are," Heero replied. "It makes us perfect for each other."

"Perfect," Duo agreed and pulled him in for another kiss.

The End... but there will be a few shorts later later...


	18. Where There's Need

Chapter 18:Where There's Need

He heard the baby cry, and the sound of dogs, as he passed by the alley behind the old church. Leave a baby on the church doorstep; cliche, tried and true, and in many an old movie... only that particular church opened only on Sunday and the woman had set the baby back by the dumpsters, not the doorstep. Duo had managed to hear it, only because he had stopped to arrange the packages in his lap.

Duo was still barely managing to walk a few feet. He needed a walker and help. The trip to the corner store, for a few things for dinner, had seemed safe enough. People knew him now. They were willing to give him a hand if he managed to get himself into any trouble. Those helpful people were nowhere to be found, just then, and those dogs were going to get their courage up any moment, he was sure, to take advantage of something so small and helpless.

"Just freakin' wonderful!" Duo snarled as he eyed the garbage cans , the empty crates, and the piles of broken things in his path. His wheelchair wouldn't fit.If he wanted to rescue the baby, he had to walk.

A little voice inside of Duo wailed, the one that didn't want to face a fall, or confront stray, probably vicious, dogs. It didn't want to get hurt again. Duo was sympathetic to it, so much so, that he was almost swayed into keeping his seat and fumbling for his cell phone. The police would come. They would take care of it, he reasoned, but that was only a brief cowardice. He knew that they might come too late.

Duo kept hold of one package and levered himself to his feet, letting the rest tumble to the concrete. He panted with uncertainty, battling his shaking knees, and then leaned against the rough, brick wall next to him. Just a few yards, he told himself, using it as a mantra as he began to move forward, forcing one foot in front of the other. He kept a hand on anything he could reach to help support his legs, legs that began to fail him after only four feet.

"Stupid woman!" Duo panted. "Leave a baby behind a dumpster! What's wrong with nice, clean 'Services'? What's wrong with making sure someone's actually home? What's wrong with making sure guys like me don't have to do shit like this?"

One of the dogs heard him and came to investigate. A brown , big jawed, mutt, he had a notched ear and other battle scars. He growled warningly, but then was too afraid of losing out on the meal to stay and give Duo trouble. It slipped back behind the dumpster and joined a fight in progress. It seemed that the dogs were fighting over who was going to eat first.

Duo patted his knife, nestled lengthwise under his coat at his belt, to make sure it was there and ready. He didn't want it to come down to that, but he'd use it if he had to.

The baby began to cry louder. That cry was probably keeping it alive, confusing the dogs and maybe making them remember that people weren't for eating. Duo doubted that would last for long, though. He remembered the streets of L2, when he was a child, and how vicious a pack of stray dogs could be when they were hungry.

Duo slipped on something and went down on one knee. He felt bones grind and a sharp pain lance up from his knee to his hip. Cold fear, that he had hurt himself, made him lose precious moments as he levered himself back up and tested the knee. It moved and ached, but it didn't feel broken. It would keep holding his weight.

The dog fight ended with snaps and snarls. Duo began inching his way around broken crates, his shuffling feet catching on nails and jagged boards. He couldn't go any faster. He could feel his legs beginning to burn, the muscles beginning to fail. He wasn't going to make it in time. In fact, Duo thought, he wasn't going to make it at all.

"Hey, doggies!" Duo called loudly and leaned against a stinking garbage can to open up the bag he still held in one fist.

Several dogs came from behind the dumpster, skittish, and worried about rivals for their meal. Junk yard, back alley, mix breeds, all of them. Thin as rails and used to abuse.Their alpha snarled at Duo, hackles raised; a brindle, pit bull mix, that was ready for a fight.

"Here's something else to eat," Duo told it as he broke off bits of the steak, that he had bought for dinner, and tossed it back towards the street.

Wary, the alpha and his pack shied past Duo and investigated. Duo threw more hunks of meat and wasn't surprised when the fighting started all over again, the alpha insisting on first pick. Duo didn't stay to see if he won. He began inching his way to the dumpsters again.

His knees gave. Duo managed to go down easy, by bending over and catching the ground with his hands. It hurt, but it was better than the alternative. He sat, catching his breath, wiped sweat from his brow, and then began to crawl. It was disgusting, the concrete covered in slime and garbage, unknown things leaking from the dumpsters.

"You are so going to owe me, baby," Duo growled angrily. "And I'm going to demand pay back... sometime... when you're grown... and have a cushy job... and a wife... or a husband... and kids... and... have me to freakin' thank for it!"

Duo rounded the dumpsters and then started, knife coming out. One of the dogs, a shaggy, cream colored, hound with droopy ears and soulful eyes, was standing over the baby. She growled at Duo.

"Hey, there girl," Duo soothed as he ripped off more chunks of meat and tossed them aside. "Be smart and go eat. I don't want to have to gut you."

The dog didn't move, even though her eyes followed the meat hungrily. The dirty carrier, with it's tattered blanket, covering the crying, baby was a much bigger morsel, Duo supposed. She didn't make any move to take advantage, though. In fact, her stance was more defensive than frightened or aggressive. Her bloody shoulders, a rip along one hip, attested to the fact that she had been in the dog fight. It suddenly occurred to Duo that she might have been fighting for more than a place at the dinner table.

The other dogs came back, growling and hackles raised. The female dog snarled at them, taking a definite protective stance by the baby. Duo threw more meat, as far as he could, and the dogs took off after it. She stayed, though it was clear that she was starving. Duo tossed a few chunks to her, and those she cautiously gobbled down, never taking her eyes off of Duo.

"C'mere, girl," Duo crooned. "I know you're scared. I know you got something to protect. But I'm here, now. You can let the baby go."

Maybe she had been in a home at one point. Maybe a family had coldly dumped her when she had grown too large, or too difficult, but it was clear that she wasn't holding a grudge against the human race because of it. She still loved.

Duo crooned, and cajoled, and tossed meat, taking only enough time to use his cell to call the police. Finally, her ears came down and she crouch submissively, tail wagging hopefully. Duo inched forward until he could run a cautious hand in her fur. She wiggled all over then, ecstatic, and licked his face. Duo could get to the baby, then, and he let out a breath of relief when he saw that it was all right.

The police arrived, taking what seemed forever. It told Duo that he had made the right decision. The alpha would have driven off or killed the female quickly and the baby would have died long before help could come.

The first cop to reach the scene scattered the dogs, and hurried to where Duo was sitting, rubbing the ears of the dog almost in his lap. Measuring the difficulty and the distance between Duo's wheelchair and where he was sitting, now, he said in awe, "You should get an award for that one."

"Already have a few," Duo quipped back. "One for being a moron and the other for being a masochist."

The officer looked confused, but then kneeled by the baby and called for an ambulance. The female dog growled, but Duo calmed her.The officer looked nervously at the thin, filthy, and bleeding dog and said, "She's one of the strays, right? I'll call the pound."

Duo tensed, imaging that dog locked in a pen and waiting for her turn on death row. Who would want a notch eared, ragged, skinny... no one, was the simple answer.Abandoned to the streets. Starving. Hurting. She had still found it in herself to protect and to love. Death shouldn't be her reward. Heero was going to kill him.

"I'll take her," Duo heard himself say, and winced at all the consequences to that decision.

The officer gave him a look, clearly skeptical, but didn't offer a comment. When the paramedics arrived, they took care of the baby, first, and then briefly checked Duo over. He brushed them off irritably. "Just get me to my chair," he told them, "and I'll get home on my own."

"With a new dog in tow?" the officer snickered. "I'll drive you there."

The ride back was uneventful. Duo spent the time in the back seat,fending off the stinking, affectionate dog, and trying to determine if he'd harmed himself in his heroics.He wasn't completely convinced, though, until he was back in his home, the officer gone, the dog wolfing down the rest of the steak out of a bowl, and he was undressed enough to really look himself over.

Scrapes, bruises, strained muscles, but nothing worse. Relieved, Duo showered, glaring when the dog came to watch, cleaned out his minor wounds with antibacterial cream, and then called the one person he knew would help.

"Quatre?"

"Duo, is everything all right?" Quatre sounded anxious.

"Yeah, fine," Duo growled. "Why do you always jump to the conclusion that something's wrong with me?"

Quatre chuckled apologetically. "I'll let you think about that. I'm sure you'll realize why."

"Ha, ha," Duo retorted, but then had to admit, "Okay, so I do have a slight problem, Winner, but nothing that requires an ambulance. I just adopted a-"

"Duo?!" Quatre jumped to the wrong conclusion. "What were you thinking? How did you...?"

"A dog," Duo finished sourly. "She needs a bath, though, or Heero is going to kill me right away when he sees her. Can you send over one of your guys to help out? I can't manage her myself."

"Heero doesn't know?" Quatre wondered disapprovingly.

"No, but..." Duo fished for an explanation that didn't include, 'risked my health again for a rotten kid', and ended with, "She deserved rescuing so, either she's ours or she's going to a good home somewhere else. I'd like Heero to decide with a clean dog in front of him."

"Because...?" Quatre prompted with a smile in his voice.

Duo scowled, looking at the dirty dog in question as she looked up at him with her heart in her eyes, tail waving happily. "I kind of... well... I like her."

Quatre laughed. "All right, Duo. I'll send someone. You'll have to tell me her story when I see you next, though."

"Yeah, maybe I'll feel like telling it then," Duo replied. "Thanks, Quatre."

Duo closed his phone and the dog came up to him, nosing his scarred knee and then looking up at him hopefully.

"You have to be careful around me, dog, and you'll have to learn to walk next to my wheelchair, well, until I get out of it," Duo amended. "Use those big eyes on, Heero, okay, because he isn't going to like this at all, especially since you just ate his dinner."

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"Duo, why is there a Maguanac washing a dog in our bathtub?"

Duo blinked open weary eyes, realizing that he had succumbed to exhaustion at last, somewhere between the burr and garbage removal and the actual bath. Heero looked worried. He was sure to have seen his filthy clothes, piled in a corner, his scum coated shoes, and the antibacterial cream and bandages on a table beside their bed.

Duo tried to formulate a coherent reply, failed several times, and then just asked, "Love me?"

Heero kneeled by the bed, taking his hand and looking at the scrapes and bleeding knuckles. "If you risked yourself for a dog, you're getting therapy," he warned."Are you all right?"

"Yeah," Duo replied, kissed Heero's hand, and then lay back again, still exhausted and not ready to deal with anything. "Just some scrapes."

"The dog?" Heero insisted.

"I didn't do it for a damned dog," Duo growled and then grimaced and sighed. "I hate kids. Let's never have them."

Heero's grip on his hand tightened. "I should call the doctor."

"Scrapes, Yuy," Duo insisted. "I'm fine."

Heero settled, still looking worried. "The dog," Heero repeated, once again.

"She's a hero," Duo explained. "She saved a baby, okay? She deserves better than the pound. If you don't want her, we'll find a good home for her."

"You're too damned soft," Heero sighed. "Kids, dogs... next it'll be squirrels..."

"Nah. I do think I'm more important than a fuzzy tailed rat," Duo snickered.

The dog came out of the bathroom followed by Abdul, in rubber gloves and an apron. "Done, master Duo," he said.

The dog wagged her tail, nosed Duo, and then looked at Heero with her big eyes.

"She looks like a wet rail with fur," Heero commented, looking her over. "Labrador, I think, and some sort of hound dog mix."

"You're an expert?" Duo snickered.

Heero frowned at him and then continued to look over the dog. He let her sniff his hand and then he ran a hand over her drying fur. She panted, grinned a toothy grin, and wagged her tail.

"Good disposition. Calm. Steady, " Heero said as he ruffled her ears. "She didn't jump up, didn't claw. Do you have a leash?"

"I do, master Heero." Abdul offered the one that he had brought with him.

Heero took it and clipped it to the dog's new collar.

"Heero?" Duo wondered.

"Take another nap," Heero told him. "Abdul? Do you mind riding Duo's wheelchair while I walk the dog beside you?"

"Not at all, master Heero," Abdul replied as he climbed into Duo's wheelchair and wheeled towards the door.

Heero gave Duo a smile. "A test drive," he explained, and then they were out of the door, leaving a puzzled Duo behind.

-------------------------------------------------

They returned when Duo was getting bored, anxious, and about to try to make it to a window to look for them. They came in through the door, Abdul pushing the wheelchair and Heero leading the now dry dog. She went to Duo at once, nosed him happily, and let him rub her ears as Heero said thank you and goodbye to Abdul. When they were alone again, Heero turned to Duo and gave his report.

"She is a good, steady dog, with some intelligence." He reached to rub her ears as well, his expression softening. "I think she'll do well as a pet... and... besides...I've always wanted a dog."

"No, shit?" Duo laughed and then reached out to pull Heero closer to him. "Well, what do we call her?"

"Peace," Heero replied.

Duo blinked. "Peace?"

"She's very peaceful," Heero explained.

Duo stared. "I've never seen you so... sappy, Heero. You're scaring me."

Heero chuckled and stood up, as he said, "Enough about dogs, what's for dinner?"

Duo blanched. "Uhm... well... about that Heero..."


End file.
